okay, this is a long one, I’m sorry (TL;DR on the bottom, but please read if you can.)
I (23F) have been with my boyfriend (26M) for two years. We live together and we’ve had a lot of good times, but lately I don’t know if I’m being overdramatic or if something is actually wrong, because things just don’t feel the same.
The first issue at play, he recently took up online selling livestreams (I don’t want to specify incase this tracks back). He spends nearly every moment from the second I’m home from work to while we’re laying in bed sitting on these live streams because “his friend is streaming”. The real kicker is at my birthday dinner (at a public restaurant) with my family & extended family, I saw him looking down at his phone between his legs… watching the stupid live stream! When he does stream, he will do it for HOURS. I can’t make noise (clean, vacuum, etc), so I feel awkward in my own home. He’s spent over $2000 on items for these streams, claiming he will have profit, but I don’t get where this even came from and why it’s so consuming. When he’s watching the live streams (and obviously when he’s streaming), it takes his full attention. I could quite literally tell him a whole story and he won’t hear a word of it because he’s so locked in (not exaggerating, happens all the time. He cannot multitask like that, and that’s ok I guess. He can’t help it). When I bring how I feel ignored, he will just be like “well now you know how I feel when you’re on TikTok” (I don’t live stream lol not my cup of tea) or will be like “well sorry guess I can’t do anything right”, which makes me feel like an asshole for even trying to communicate.
The second issue at play is when he drinks. He’s young, he loves to drink. It isn’t all the time or even frequent, but when he does drink, he DRINKS. He will come home stumbling and a slurring mess. The other day, he went out drinking with a friend to watch a game, so I didn’t see him for a good chonk of the day, and when he came home (6pm), he was so drunk that he passed out on the bed with his shoes on until 10pm. I literally sat around all day waiting for him, he doesn’t text me when he’s out (which is fine, he ofc is with his friends and I don’t want to take away from that), and then he comes home and just passes out for the rest of the day. Welp, Saturday together gone lol. These are a few of many small, minor issues, but all of them come down to the same result. I try and communicate, whether is be about these issues at play or something as simple as “do you think you can spray the counter with windex after you cook instead of using the dish sponge so it doesn’t leave buildup?”… it’s always “well now you know how I feel” or “guess I’m just not good enough”.
There are a few other things worth noting: we don’t have sex anymore (it’s been months), and the only times he initiates are when we’re both drunk. He has never been the initiating type and neither am I (scary lol I’m a little b*tch or something idfk.), he only initiates when he/we are drunk. Problem is, I don’t drink much anymore. I get awful hang overs and I hate feeling like a glob of trash the next day… plus drinking is expensive and I’m broke so… lol. Second, one of his parents recently passed away, which is sort of when this shift began, but idk if it plays a role. He doesn’t talk about his feelings nor show them because he does not like to – his family points this out all the time bc I guess he’s always been like that. Third, he is truly a great guy. My family loves him so much and so do I. None of these reasons constitutes breaking up for me, I just want to know why everything feels so fucked rn. I’m trying so hard, but I feel like such a burden always (I know he’s not trying to do that, but I don’t want to be controlling also, idk. It’s hard) and it’s weighing heavy on my mental state. I just want to feel loved and appreciated and lately, I feel like a lame gf who isn’t getting shit faced every weekend and maybe that’s why he has this weird resent with me rn.
Lmk your thoughts, maybe guys can weigh in and will understand this from a different POV. Idk. I have no one to talk to about this and I feel so damn alone. This is my best friend and the only person I want to spend my life with and idk if I’m the problem here or what.
TL;DR: I (23F) have been with my boyfriend (26M) for 2 years. Recently, he’s gotten obsessed with livestream selling, spends hours on it, ignores me, and even watched during my birthday dinner. He also binge drinks when he goes out, coming home stumbling or passing out, which ruins the time I look forward to with him. On top of that, our sex life is basically gone. One of his parents recently passed, which might play a role. Whenever I try to talk about my feelings, he gets defensive or turns it back on me. I love him and don’t want to break up—I just want advice on how to communicate better and figure out if this is just grief/a rough patch or something deeper.