Both of us 18M
Hey guys, I'm already apologizing if this post is too long but any help here would me MUCH appreciated!!
So, I've been in a relationship with my best friend for 3 months now (we've known each other for over 3 years now) we just got past the honeymoon fase and things are doing pretty well, we love each other, have tons of fun together and pretty much it is a perfect relationship.
Alright, so the thing is i am VERY insecure in our relationship and the context is really really important:
We knew each other at high school and i didn't even know i was gay at that point, but he was an amazing person and i just loved staying with him and we just made pretty much everything together, until i started developing feelings for him, and the point is that he said mutiple times to me and to my friends (we were part of the same group) that he would never get into a relationship with me that i was ugly and shorter than him and that he would only view me as a friend (which broke my heart since i really liked him). Ainyway, he started a relationship with one of our classmates in the first year of highschool but they broke up some months later, by the second year, he told me he was liking my best friend at our school (which made me reaaaaally jealous) and he tried confessing to him but he was straight but they kept as being friends.
Ok, so some time has passed and we're know at the college (we make different courses in different colleges), and at that point he already had a crush in a guy of his college but then, Airway random day when he was travelling, he calls me and says that he likes me and want to get in a relationship with me (which i obviously didn't believe) but it turned out he really liked me and we started dating.
When we were 2 months into the relationship i started feeling very insecure due to one of my friends making a joke about me being the "last option", the moment he said that to me i just laughed but then it started to consume me and i cannot take of my mind im just the last option and he was just DESPERATE trying to find a boyfriend and he saw a opportunity in me.
Then, i made my biggest mistake: I broke up with him by text and blocked him (due to the insecurity thing) and 2 days later we met at a event both of us were attending and talked a lot and got back together and this last month was amazing, we had tons of fun together but the thing is i still feel really insecure about our realtionship, he's the kind of person that see someone in the street and already fall in love which is not the case for me, i need to know someone before i want anything with them. And this really mess my head up because i think that any moment he will just cheat on me or dump me to get together with a prettier guy (and i already dreamed with him cheating on me)
I've already talked to him many times about this and he says he loves me and that i got prettier by the end of high school and that we were meant for each other but i just can't believe him.
We have pretty different preferences as well which drives me crazy as well because i keep thinking that if he finds someone with the same interests he will dump me (for example: he loves pokemon and idk shit abt it, we play different kinds of games and I'm a metal drummer and guitarrist while he listens to pop music, he loves romance movies and comics while i like Sci-Fi and many other things).
I love him soooo much but i cannot get over my insecurities.
TL;DR; : Im really insecure because i feel like the last option due to him wanting to be with other guys besides me I've broke up with him due to that we are back together but i cannot get that feeling out of myself.