So, me (23F) and my partner (24M). The point is, we’ve been together for 2 years and I’ve only orgasmed twice during sex. To be clear about myself – and I know some women are like this – penetration alone doesn’t make me cum, I need clitoral stimulation as well. But so far, only twice did it happen for me during sex + clit stimulation. We tried to recreate it, but it didn’t really work.
Now I’m even having problems with getting wet, it just doesn’t happen anymore. At the very beginning I always said I’d never run out, that I was insanely wet. Another thing, and even a bigger problem, is that oral doesn’t help either. It feels good and I really enjoy it, but it doesn’t push me further.
If I try to finish by jerking off while he’s there, it usually doesn’t work either. I just feel so much pressure on me, and it rarely happens. But the bigger issue is that when I do it alone at home, it feels phenomenal. I don’t know if others get this, but when it’s so good that even your face tingles—that’s almost always there when I’m alone. But when he’s around and I manage to orgasm, it’s more like “eh… okay, done, we can move on.” It’s just not the same.
And I know it’s not my partner’s fault—he pleasures me, he knows about everything (except this face-tingling detail when I do it myself). He really puts his heart and soul into it. Many times he doesn’t even let himself cum until I do, so the motivation is there (of course, if he’s already tried and it didn’t work for me, and he really needs release, then I help him finish). So I honestly don’t get it.
Has it really been 2 years and I still can’t let go with him? Even though I trust him so much, admire him in so many ways, and honestly don’t understand what’s going on with my body? I do feel desire for him—like after I make him cum, I feel like I want it too, I find him so sexy when he orgasms. But obviously at that point he’s already had his relief, he already tried with me, and it didn’t work. Still, sometimes I feel like “if he tried again now, it would work,” even though I know it won’t.
We’re just stuck here. And because of this, I’ve really pulled back from sex stuff, because I get so disappointed in myself that I’d rather not even start—it feels pointless since I know how it’ll end. And so many times I just don’t want to go through the struggle again. Because I know my body works perfectly when I’m alone, with no problems with wetness either—but when I’m with him, it’s just like my body shuts down.
I honestly don’t know what to do. So if you have any tips, I’d really love to hear them.
TL;DR: I (23F) almost never orgasm with my partner (24M) even though I can easily when I’m alone. Penetration and oral don’t get me there, clit stimulation only worked twice in 2 years. I trust him and he really tries, but with him my body just “shuts down” compared to when I masturbate.