What did you learn from dating someone who wasn’t your usual “type”?
September 12, 2025
Have you fallen for someone outside your ‘type’? Did it last or just teach you something new?
28 comments
Might as well date someone I’m actually attracted to if I’m gonna get played anyways
I learned there is a reason they arent my type and I shouldn’t “give someone a chance” if I am not feeling it. Only relationship I had where we weren’t best friends.
I learned that my dating pool got bigger once I did that. I met a lot of good people and also oof ones.
Definitely taught me a lesson, I like my men who are put up, who have goals in life etc. I feel like being with someone who wasn’t a match with me would b absolutely draining, for example my ex is very low standards he doesn’t care for things he thinks working at a shop then getting a career is better ( even tho he’s struggling ). My now husband was in the navy, is going to school now & having him on my side has motivated me. I never came from a wealthy family my mom was an alcoholic my dad was in and out plus never had anything stable . My husband encourages me to go above and beyond we’re traveling live out of state etc. well my ex just moved Back to his moms because he lost his job.
Married twice to religious conservative women, and im an atheist and liberal.
Religion and politics do play a role in marriage even if boundaries are set.
I learned my “type” is unhealthy, and it affects me as such.
My type is usually quite older, successful, loud, very charismatic, they indulge in alcohol probably a bit too much, and don’t often take accountability.
While the guy who wasn’t my usual type was older and accomplished, he was different in most other ways. I thought he wasn’t at all attracted to me because of how shy he was at dinner, but I learned that he was just that — and quite reserved unless he was speaking about his field in medicine, or history, or talking about ideas for a seminar and related travels. He drank, but often not more than two or three drinks in an evening once or twice a week socially, if that. He was responsible, was such a good planner, assured me that even if he had time to play games and talk to other people that I was the only person he was spending time and energy on (outside of family and work relationships and whatnot lol) and his phone was *always* facing up, unlocked, when showing me something he scrolled through photos or text messages openly. I was so used to some men having something to hide or something that would hurt my feelings/cause an argument from someone who wasn’t “just a friend” that I’d automatically look away.
He genuinely wanted to make my life easier. When I would say my phone dies quickly while outside, he’d bring me a portable charger. If I said I wanted to go to a museum, he’d take me or if he was out of town he’d very graciously cover the bill for me to go with a girlfriend or my sister and he’d listen intently to how the experience went.
Physically, other than being bald he was kind of similar to most men I date, just not as gruff as some. His healthy habits inspired me. He was 49 going on 50 when we were dating, and had run plenty of marathons and half marathons and was training for 50 miles on his 50th — at 30 I’m nowhere near 30 miles lol but seeing someone treat themselves so well made me want to do better for myself and still does when my life is free from toxicity.
Things didn’t work out, but I feel fortunate to have had an experience with someone who wasn’t my “type”. It was healing, I was able to feel like I was living the “soft life”, and my experience with him reminds me to try my best to remain strong in my standards, many that he helped me form.
That I should stick to my type. No matter how nice a man is, if there’s no initial attraction, it’s just not gonna work.
I learned that even though someone can be conventionally attractive, doesn’t mean YOU are attracted to them. You have to be attracted to them😭 or else your head just won’t be in it. Sex will be uncomfortable
I have always been attracted to big, athletic, manly men and it wasn’t quite working long term. Which made me doubt myself. Then I met daddy, who had the physical characteristics I was attracted to, AND he then brought the NERD. OMG! I love NERDS!
That i should never do it again and my type is my type for a reason!
I tried dating someone intellectual, great conversationalist, had a dad bod with a belly. Basically opposite of my normal type. Turns out he messed me around, ghosted me then hit me up a year later. So, exactly like the hot guys I normally date. I learnt that men can be shit no matter what your type.
That my type was a bust. I married the one who wasn’t my type and have been very happy with him.
People are so much more than their appearances and you can really fall in love with who someone is and then every part of them becomes attractive to you.
But fundamental incompatibilities will still drive you apart in the end fml.
That what I’m typically attracted to isn’t what i actually want or need.
I married him. Best decision ever.
I had a type: tall, bright colored eyes, hair I could run my hands through, and a soft, deep voice.
Then, with no intention of going against type (or even dating!), I fell for my friend: a 5’3” black guy from Brooklyn! His eyes are so dark that his driver’s license calls them “black.” There’s no running my fingers through that Afro. His voice is gravelly and loud. And he absolutely *delights* me.
We’ve been a couple for 12 years, married for 6, and I’m constantly impressed by his kindness, compassion, humor, intelligence, and creativity.
Sometimes it pays to go against type. If I’d have written him off for being short like most people do, I’d have missed out on so much!
I learned that my type is my type for a reason.
I think there are people who have a type which is based on an attraction they had early on for multiple interests or partners and that just became their status quo, and for those people I suspect there is a lot to be learned from dating outside their type.
Then there are people whose type is predicated on either what we are attracted to, or that is a basic need for ourselves to flourish within a relationship. For instance, I like smart guys because I like to have detailed a nuanced converations, I don’t like settling for “good enough” even outside of a partner, and I want a partner who I can trust to make decisions without me having to check on them regularly.
Sure I find it an attractive quality too, but the fact is, it’s not only about that for me, it is deeper. It’s something I need from my significant other in order for any relationship between us to work past the short term. When I have dated outside this type, I ended up exasperated all the time with the kinds of things he got up to. Even after just a few months I felt like I was looking after him, and I just won’t do that again. I don’t mean to make out that he was like a child, but it just felt like I always had to do things myself if I wanted it done to a standard I would accept. Cleaning the house? Fine, I’m a neat freak, I’ll own it. But when it became clear this included DIY stuff as well… I’ll admit, I was less understanding.
I think what I am getting at it is “temet nosce”, know thyself. In this case, knowing the difference between what you need, rather that what you just want. Sometimes you will have to make a mistake to learn the difference, that’s how it went for me, but life can be like that. It requires lessons only gained through experience. None of us learned to walk without falling down dozens of times after all.
That I was attracted to the wrong kind of men and needed therapy
If people are wondering why you’re with them, you probably should too.
That he’s exactly my type. I just didn’t realize it in the beginning.
When I say “not my type” I mean I am not physically attracted to them. No amount of “You just have to get to know them!” will make me want to sleep with them.
I married someone who is exactly my type 🥰 I dated two who weren’t, and both of those relationships in retrospect taught me to form my own outlook on life and live as my own person *first,* rather than trying to mold myself into the person my partner wants/needs.
“Who *are* you, and what do YOU want?” -Uncle Iroh
That my type was shitty
Had to heal and go outside of my type. I have the most wonderful man now and he knows he’s my only type now 🙂
I learned that I didn’t had an “type”, that it was more important to me the qualities my partner has rather than the looks.
Biggest mistake of my life. Feel like I traded in a pitbull and got mauled by a golden retriever. They’re all a waste of time.
I learnt that chubby guys can feel great – like hugging a cloud.
It taught me that I COULD be attracted to someone outside my “type”, and honestly I’m glad that it’s possible bc my “type” wasn’t doing me any favors. It made me really look into what’s on the inside, the stuff that actually matters. I found the most compatibility, comfort, and understanding with the ones who weren’t my “type”. And, just maybe, I might also be the problem. Also, my dating pool widened.
Taking the time now to heal and become a better person. If there IS a person for me, they’ll be available when/if the time comes. I’m washing my hands of any anxiety or power over this bc I am powerless over it. And I accept that. So why worry? (Talking to myself here lol)
It felt like a job more than dating someone. Like I worked full time, then had to play girlfriend during my off work hours. The exhaustion kinda got to me and I would get sick all the time. I always felt run down and overwhelmed. He was a great guy too and I felt mad at myself for not reciprocating his affection because he was super nice and really outgoing good person! And it like made me feel like the best treatment I would have is from someone I wasn’t THAT into and that does something to you.
I ended things because that guy is a gem. He deserves to be loved enthusiastically not just tolerated.
28 comments
Might as well date someone I’m actually attracted to if I’m gonna get played anyways
I learned there is a reason they arent my type and I shouldn’t “give someone a chance” if I am not feeling it. Only relationship I had where we weren’t best friends.
I learned that my dating pool got bigger once I did that. I met a lot of good people and also oof ones.
Definitely taught me a lesson, I like my men who are put up, who have goals in life etc. I feel like being with someone who wasn’t a match with me would b absolutely draining, for example my ex is very low standards he doesn’t care for things he thinks working at a shop then getting a career is better ( even tho he’s struggling ). My now husband was in the navy, is going to school now & having him on my side has motivated me. I never came from a wealthy family my mom was an alcoholic my dad was in and out plus never had anything stable . My husband encourages me to go above and beyond we’re traveling live out of state etc. well my ex just moved Back to his moms because he lost his job.
Married twice to religious conservative women, and im an atheist and liberal.
Religion and politics do play a role in marriage even if boundaries are set.
I learned my “type” is unhealthy, and it affects me as such.
My type is usually quite older, successful, loud, very charismatic, they indulge in alcohol probably a bit too much, and don’t often take accountability.
While the guy who wasn’t my usual type was older and accomplished, he was different in most other ways. I thought he wasn’t at all attracted to me because of how shy he was at dinner, but I learned that he was just that — and quite reserved unless he was speaking about his field in medicine, or history, or talking about ideas for a seminar and related travels. He drank, but often not more than two or three drinks in an evening once or twice a week socially, if that. He was responsible, was such a good planner, assured me that even if he had time to play games and talk to other people that I was the only person he was spending time and energy on (outside of family and work relationships and whatnot lol) and his phone was *always* facing up, unlocked, when showing me something he scrolled through photos or text messages openly. I was so used to some men having something to hide or something that would hurt my feelings/cause an argument from someone who wasn’t “just a friend” that I’d automatically look away.
He genuinely wanted to make my life easier. When I would say my phone dies quickly while outside, he’d bring me a portable charger. If I said I wanted to go to a museum, he’d take me or if he was out of town he’d very graciously cover the bill for me to go with a girlfriend or my sister and he’d listen intently to how the experience went.
Physically, other than being bald he was kind of similar to most men I date, just not as gruff as some. His healthy habits inspired me. He was 49 going on 50 when we were dating, and had run plenty of marathons and half marathons and was training for 50 miles on his 50th — at 30 I’m nowhere near 30 miles lol but seeing someone treat themselves so well made me want to do better for myself and still does when my life is free from toxicity.
Things didn’t work out, but I feel fortunate to have had an experience with someone who wasn’t my “type”. It was healing, I was able to feel like I was living the “soft life”, and my experience with him reminds me to try my best to remain strong in my standards, many that he helped me form.
That I should stick to my type. No matter how nice a man is, if there’s no initial attraction, it’s just not gonna work.
I learned that even though someone can be conventionally attractive, doesn’t mean YOU are attracted to them. You have to be attracted to them😭 or else your head just won’t be in it. Sex will be uncomfortable
I have always been attracted to big, athletic, manly men and it wasn’t quite working long term. Which made me doubt myself. Then I met daddy, who had the physical characteristics I was attracted to, AND he then brought the NERD. OMG! I love NERDS!
That i should never do it again and my type is my type for a reason!
I tried dating someone intellectual, great conversationalist, had a dad bod with a belly. Basically opposite of my normal type. Turns out he messed me around, ghosted me then hit me up a year later. So, exactly like the hot guys I normally date. I learnt that men can be shit no matter what your type.
That my type was a bust. I married the one who wasn’t my type and have been very happy with him.
People are so much more than their appearances and you can really fall in love with who someone is and then every part of them becomes attractive to you.
But fundamental incompatibilities will still drive you apart in the end fml.
That what I’m typically attracted to isn’t what i actually want or need.
I married him. Best decision ever.
I had a type: tall, bright colored eyes, hair I could run my hands through, and a soft, deep voice.
Then, with no intention of going against type (or even dating!), I fell for my friend: a 5’3” black guy from Brooklyn! His eyes are so dark that his driver’s license calls them “black.” There’s no running my fingers through that Afro. His voice is gravelly and loud. And he absolutely *delights* me.
We’ve been a couple for 12 years, married for 6, and I’m constantly impressed by his kindness, compassion, humor, intelligence, and creativity.
Sometimes it pays to go against type. If I’d have written him off for being short like most people do, I’d have missed out on so much!
I learned that my type is my type for a reason.
I think there are people who have a type which is based on an attraction they had early on for multiple interests or partners and that just became their status quo, and for those people I suspect there is a lot to be learned from dating outside their type.
Then there are people whose type is predicated on either what we are attracted to, or that is a basic need for ourselves to flourish within a relationship. For instance, I like smart guys because I like to have detailed a nuanced converations, I don’t like settling for “good enough” even outside of a partner, and I want a partner who I can trust to make decisions without me having to check on them regularly.
Sure I find it an attractive quality too, but the fact is, it’s not only about that for me, it is deeper. It’s something I need from my significant other in order for any relationship between us to work past the short term. When I have dated outside this type, I ended up exasperated all the time with the kinds of things he got up to. Even after just a few months I felt like I was looking after him, and I just won’t do that again. I don’t mean to make out that he was like a child, but it just felt like I always had to do things myself if I wanted it done to a standard I would accept. Cleaning the house? Fine, I’m a neat freak, I’ll own it. But when it became clear this included DIY stuff as well… I’ll admit, I was less understanding.
I think what I am getting at it is “temet nosce”, know thyself. In this case, knowing the difference between what you need, rather that what you just want. Sometimes you will have to make a mistake to learn the difference, that’s how it went for me, but life can be like that. It requires lessons only gained through experience. None of us learned to walk without falling down dozens of times after all.
That I was attracted to the wrong kind of men and needed therapy
If people are wondering why you’re with them, you probably should too.
That he’s exactly my type. I just didn’t realize it in the beginning.
When I say “not my type” I mean I am not physically attracted to them. No amount of “You just have to get to know them!” will make me want to sleep with them.
I married someone who is exactly my type 🥰 I dated two who weren’t, and both of those relationships in retrospect taught me to form my own outlook on life and live as my own person *first,* rather than trying to mold myself into the person my partner wants/needs.
“Who *are* you, and what do YOU want?” -Uncle Iroh
That my type was shitty
Had to heal and go outside of my type. I have the most wonderful man now and he knows he’s my only type now 🙂
I learned that I didn’t had an “type”, that it was more important to me the qualities my partner has rather than the looks.
Biggest mistake of my life. Feel like I traded in a pitbull and got mauled by a golden retriever. They’re all a waste of time.
I learnt that chubby guys can feel great – like hugging a cloud.
It taught me that I COULD be attracted to someone outside my “type”, and honestly I’m glad that it’s possible bc my “type” wasn’t doing me any favors. It made me really look into what’s on the inside, the stuff that actually matters. I found the most compatibility, comfort, and understanding with the ones who weren’t my “type”. And, just maybe, I might also be the problem. Also, my dating pool widened.
Taking the time now to heal and become a better person. If there IS a person for me, they’ll be available when/if the time comes. I’m washing my hands of any anxiety or power over this bc I am powerless over it. And I accept that. So why worry? (Talking to myself here lol)
It felt like a job more than dating someone. Like I worked full time, then had to play girlfriend during my off work hours. The exhaustion kinda got to me and I would get sick all the time. I always felt run down and overwhelmed. He was a great guy too and I felt mad at myself for not reciprocating his affection because he was super nice and really outgoing good person! And it like made me feel like the best treatment I would have is from someone I wasn’t THAT into and that does something to you.
I ended things because that guy is a gem. He deserves to be loved enthusiastically not just tolerated.