So this question is most of the women here that used dating apps. Not to say that everyone is the same or has the same views about things but looking to get an answer specifically from women that see a coffee or drink meeting for a first date after matching with someone online.
What are you looking for in that first date? What ideas are you expecting someone to come up with for that initial meeting?
Some background it’s happened to me both ways. I have made more elaborate plans with dinner reservations and then going to a museum afterwards and have been stood up.
I’ve also been the person asked to meet for “vibe checks” which were usually just coffee or tea and conversation maybe with a walk around a park afterwards, instead of the more elaborate date I planned.
I started going with that instead because it seemed like a better way to see if there was any chemistry offline without either of us being locked into something for that time and would be easy to just leave after and be done.
Now it’s happened that I’ve been told that “low effort dates” are wrong and men as a whole need to do better.
I personally prefer something more involved for a date but that’s hard to think up something for a person you just met.
So honestly looking for opinions and perspectives here on what women want or expect for a first date/ initial in person meeting.
13 comments
You can ask when you match, “What’s your ideal first date?” and let her tell you. That way you’ll get it right every time.
I usually run the ‘errand’ date. Ask her to join me for a coffee and then on the way after meeting a quick detour ‘errand’ of your choice within walking distance. It adds spontaneity, it’s low risk and ample time to get in side questions, reads on her, creating sexual tension and lots of external factors to elicit more about her. It has never failed for me. IKEA is also a good place, it’s super public, lots of shit to comment on and there’s even a friggen restaurant at the end.
I like to do something that would be fun with anyone for me like the arcade, maybe go carts and ice cream, botanical garden, zoo…. A do something date. Even like setting up painting supplies at a public scenic place maybe
I’m a woman and I prefer coffee dates for a first meeting. I would agree that it’s low effort, but that’s completely fine for a first meeting with a stranger. It’s not a big investment of time or money for anyone, and no one has to go to some extreme efforts to dress up. If there’s no chemistry at all, it can easily be cut short, or if there’s lots of chemistry, something else could be suggested after.
I’m cool with any kind of sit and chat over some kind of sustenance. If you want dinner, sounds good. If you want coffee or drinks, sounds good.
I’m just there to meet and chat and see how it goes. But, if you choose the place and invite me, expect to pay. If I invited you, I will be paying.
I don’t need it to be expensive. But if YOU want it to be expensive, I’m not paying for that.
I’m a girl, I always want to do drinks for the first date (and I don’t drink booze). Dinner I’d rather do on a second date or beyond. I never want to do any kind of activity other than shooting the shit.
I don’t do coffee or walk dates but there are people who are cool with that.
Idk I’m a woman, I’m a major feminist, I hate red pilled losers, but I’m kind of for the 50/50 split thing and for the simple first date (not dinner) for both of our sakes and I don’t fully understand why that’s seen as bad all over the internet.
I want a nice liberal *partner*, but not some man to “treat me”.
I want to go out and do something fun. Mini golf, a zoo, museum, an arcade, ice skating. Something you can do together that offers enough room to talk but if you stumble on topics then you have the current activity to focus on. What it comes down to is I want to have fun and laugh.
Dinner right off the bat puts all the focus on conversation. It is also longer so it is more likely you run into a conversation flub or an awkward silence. You are both probably going to be nervous and putting all the focus on talking makes it more likely to run into those awkward moments.
Movies, theater, concerts, etc are terrible first dates because you are supposed to be quiet or it is too loud to talk anyways. It doesn’t give you much to go off of and you won’t know if you should go on a second date.
Coffee or drinks puts all the focus on talking again but it is much shorter and allows vibe checks alot easier. Not low effort but it isn’t really the most memorable date idea.
I had a guy take me to the park and it was kinda boring honestly. After we talked and walked around a bit there just wasn’t much else to add to the date. We talked but there was no activity planned, the park we went to was pretty straight forward and basic. He wasn’t exactly fantastic at holding a conversation either. Whether that is how he is or because he was nervous it made it more glaring.
As a first date, i (29F) want something more casual unless we have spoken for a good amount of time before hand. I will say, ive taken quite a few men to a waterhole as a first day and they love it! I think it shifts the way they view me as some one who can bring them to adventures.
Personally, farmers market, acting as a “tour guide,” i live near the beach, so sunset walks, or bringing them to my favorite place or an unknown location is my fave. Make it special & make it you. Bring a set of chess to a coffee date, take then climbing, go bird watching, local museum, art walk, take them to a vista etc. things font have to be a dinner/movie to make it elaborate. Just check the things in your city that are happening.
BOWLINGGG, Axe throwing, escape room
Personally I prefer a first date with a stranger to be a safe option. It’s to check the vibe of the person so I want it to be casual with no expectations.
Most often coffee at a cute Cafe is my preference or drinks at a quirky venue.
I’ve also gone for walks after the Cafe if the vibe is right – along a river or through a park.
Generally more thoughtful and elaborate dates are fun once you know the person a bit. So not the first date but maybe the 2nd.
You should ask her. Because every match has different preferences when it comes to her ideal first date. My match usually asks me. I don’t go out with men who won’t listen to my preference or be open to it at least. I think I’ve unmatched two men out of 10+ I went out with in the past few months.
For me, initially I was doing a coffee date then dinner afterwards. But after I went on so many dates, I don’t need a coffee date as a first date anymore. After I talk and chat with the guy, I’m ok to go on a dinner date right from the first date. I would decline a date instead if we weren’t vibing because I don’t want to waste anyone’s time. So no coffee required.
I prefer a trendy dinner place and not three star Michelin star restaurant. I’ve had these before. Some wealthy guys took me out. Though it meant a lot to me as a gesture, too formal to get to know the guy. So no more 30th floor high rise or Michelin star formal restaurants. Can’t feel the vibe if it was too formal. But I have great time with most dinner dates if it was a nice trendy fun place. I prefer to pick the restaurant myself (they usually ask me anyways) because I know way nicer places than these guys that are better/cost less but with great food. Never there was a bad date when I picked a place lol. Always fun. So yeah only a dinner date as a first venue. No coffee, never drinks (we don’t do drink dates here). And I only go out with men I really like when I chat. Not with every match who asks. We may head to a very nice bar afterwards if we click (maybe two bars lol). I’ve been on three venues before with guys I really liked (a few guys) on a first date. Been to karaoke several times too (I love it, though guys feel embarrassed usually because they haven’t practiced singing. lol😂And I make him sing usually or we do duet lol) They’re usually really surprised. Haha. It’s a blast. 24hr cafe afterwards if we really click to talk more. Then taxi/uber.
Dinner