I'll preface this by saying im in the UK, so medical insurance/cost isnt a factor.
After a relatively long hiatus from dating to focus on my business, in my mid 30's I've started to look for something serious, and potentially want children. I'm by most metrics successful and could easily provide for a partner and child on my own, and even if I stopped working it wouldn't be an issue (I only flag this from a stability point of view, if i was to die they wouldn't have financial hardships, I don't think it makes me better/worse than anyone else).
However, I have a chronic disease that will render me on dialysis within 5-10 years, life from there is a dice roll, I might die on dialysis, or get cancer post transplant, or I might get a good transplant and live into my 70's or 80's etc. But at the very least, a good number of those years will be difficult, and emotionally a strain for them. And even the "best" cases after transplant are not…the dream life.
I've recently been reading papers on the affect of this disease on family members and carers etc, and I've seen partners of people with my disease talking about being so miserable they want to kill themselves, they cant live the life they want, cant make plans, cant go places etc.
It leads me to thinking…is it even fair for me to date? Am I just roping some poor bastard into a miserable life simply so I can play happy family for a bit? I know its not wrong for me to want love and to love someone, but it feels wrong to very likely bring so much pain to somone I'm meant to love.
I guess I'm at a loss as to what to do, knowing full well I'm quickly running out of time to decide.