This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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I got some finality that I’ve been needing. I hate it, and I’m sad, but I’m relieved too.
Had a very successful second date with a new FWB last night. I had a wonderful time and we already have something scheduled for the near future so things feel good. Brought over a blunt to his place (too strong for him OOPS š) but we had a nice night talking/cuddling/kissing. Just enjoying the pacing and physical affection at this point. No idea whatās in the future and for once my anxious ass doesnāt care, so all good things.
I posted about truing to have my first hookup and how I booked one for tomorrow. Well… My hookup did not happen last night as planned. I am disappointed.
The guy didnt look like his photos. Not way off. I wouldnt call it a catfish. But if you are a guy, know that drastic changes to your hair can play a big role in attraction.Ā
Also just in general the dude seems irritated to even be speaking with me. I should have known Ā the first red flag was him inviting me to a bar when my profile says I don’t drink. He then spent the date covering stuff that a simple glance at my profile would cover “how old are you” “do you drink?” “do you do drugs?” “where did you go to school?”Ā
He wanted to see me again. And I told him no.Ā
My vagina just cant rev up for boring conversation with an exasperated person. Sorry.Ā
Iām hoping this will be my last comment on this subject. Iād love it if it was my last comment on this account at all.
But, Iām not angry, just devastated and disappointed. I gave him every chance to step up and claim me, and he couldnāt.
I donāt hate her. She just represents that he chose someone elseās attention over mine. My initial reaction was to blame her, but the truth is, he made that choice.
Looking back at our texts, I wasnāt imagining things. When she came back, he pulled away. My connection with him felt deep and real, but maybe I was just a girl he could go through the motions with to feel a little less alone. That shift in focus shook my trust and showed me we werenāt feeling the same thing.
If he sees this and calls me ācrazy,ā thatās his story, not mine. And if thatās what he thinks, it only proves I was right to walk away.
I feel hurt and rejected, but Iām done pouring energy into someone who never truly chose me. Iām done being someoneās āalmost.ā Hereās to moving forward and making space for the people who will choose me. š
I’m recently divorced and signed up for a dating app, mostly just to see what to expect after a decade of being off the market, and haven’t put much effort into actually going out on dates. Out of the blue, a really attractive woman about my age (I’m 43, she’s 44) matched me, and after a little back and forth on the app, we exchanged numbers and started texting. I haven’t felt like this since I was a teenager. We’ve only been talking a few weeks, and we’ve already covered all of the hot button topics (sex, religion, politics, etc.), and we’re on the same page on most everything. I’m autistic and we’ve had a couple of conversations about what she can expect in regards to tgat. We’ve exchanged suggestive pictures (nothing scandalous), and both agree we’re very much into each other…only drawback is she is 5 hours away, but that kinda adds to the excitement. I’m probably going to drive up and visit this weekend or next, and I’m having to keep my expectations in check. I haven’t slept with anyone other than my ex in 10+ years, and I don’t want to rush anything and ruin it…but at the same time all I can think about is waking up in the morning with her next to me (I want to tell her that, but I’m not sure if that’s too much?).
It’s crazy to me how these things can happen when you’re not even looking for them.
I was genuinely excited for a date this Fridayā¦then I managed to find his past domestic violence arrest online. Stalking, assault, held someone against her will ā¦wtf. I mean Iām glad I found it before meeting him but, itās a little demoralizing. Been a bad string of experiences with OLD lately.
Does anyone else notice the people in their Standouts on Hinge usually donāt list their political views at all? Like not even āapoliticalā, just nothing.
I know Standouts is supposed to be somewhat personalized to my taste but seeing as 90% of the time I only like people with a certain stated political view, Iām skeptical.
Is the not listing politics like a common strategic way of maximizing likes to game the algorithm? I know apathy is rising but ugh I canāt decide if some of these otherwise thoughtful seeming guys are just smart about the dating algorithm and want likes from all the women they can get (no shame) or theyāre just hiding their political beliefs or lack thereof.
Any guys out there who skipped selecting any political views? Why?
Lately i’ve been having some honest conversations with myself and I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t know what the person I’d like to be with looks like. I know that I’m desirous of a serious relationship and the qualities of the person I’d like to be with but when it comes to envisioning who fits that mold I’ve been coming up blank. Perhaps that’s a good thing tho.
Any thoughts here?
I (39F) have been seeing a great guy (39M) for several months. We are exclusive and taking things slow, and right now that’s good for both of us. We’ve discussed that we would both like to make this a long-term relationship. Hooray!
Neither of us have let the “I love you” words out yet… but I don’t know if I can hold it in much longer.
What would be your ideal setting, when would be the best time for someone to express this sentiment for the first time? What would be the most conducive for you to reciprocate?
I’d love to know your opinions on how much texting to expect during a talking stage/early dating. Would you expect at least something daily? Would you be ok with the odd silent days? Etc etc!
Does everyone travel as much as they talk about in their profiles? I am not in a position to travel so I just swipe them away because if it’s such a big portion of your personality that it’s all you talk about and post pictures about, then we are likely not compatible. But like soooooo many people zone in on travel that I wonder if it’s some trendy focus for getting dates.
Just threw the universe a lifeline and bought *two* tickets to a concert next year. 25 bucks each, so no big loss if I go alone.
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Me and the guy im dating had our first proper fight a few nights ago. Weāve been dating for 2 months and itās the first time in a long time Iāve really seen myself potentially being in a serious relationship with the person Iām dating. We see each other 3 times a week and have a sleepover at least once/twice a week. We get on so well, laugh a lot and he treats me really well. Even though heās not the best with words he shows me how he feels through his actions.
However imo the thing we fought over was something extremely minor and shouldāve been resolved very quickly. It ended up exploding into something bigger than it needed to be. We had a huge conversation and realised that there was a lot of miscommunication and weāve resolved it but we also had a chat about how weāre going. He said he had wanted to talk about it earlier in the week – says he really likes me, thinks everything between us is great but our recent disagreement made him realise heās going 100 miles an hour and he wants more time before we make things official. I donāt know how to feel tbh – part of me feels like if heās not sure about things now am I just wasting my time? but the other part of me understands and wants to let things happen naturally. Would love a bit of advice
There was this profile today in bumble.
First photo: two people who are equally prominent in the photo so no way to know which one it is. Second photo: the same two people, none of them closer to the camera or more centered or anything. But for the first time with this sort of profile I find I don’t care which one it is, they are both equally attractive to me. I’m not hoping it’s one or the other. Third photo: finally a solo shot, good.
End of profile. Not much info or anything in there.
I swipe right.
Is there ANYONE thatās dating serious seriously at this age?
Really thought I found someone. Staying over most weekends. Then comes the slower texts. Down to just one a day. Then the cancelled weekend plans. Then the lack of effort in messaging.
Is everyone just burnt out, loves the thrill of a new relationship developing then gets bored and on to the next? Everyoneās hooked on the short dopamine boosts thanks to reels and tik tok and immediate satisfaction.
Iām sick of it. I came off the apps for a while. Think this is it for good now. Dating in this generation is completely futile.
Saw my ex a while back at a family thing, we met thru my cousin. We had dated for almost two years, been broken up for almost three. Only woman Iāve dated since my failed engagement.
Anyway, we set up a date for tonight, about a week ago, and sheās been avoidant and combative ever since. I told her donāt worry about it, and sheās since tried to apologize, but honestly if itās more of that, Iād rather go alone. Iām over the social discourse about relationships, what a man should be like, what a woman should doā¦ what happened to just being a good person? Like damn
Is there a dating regret you just canāt shake?
I was dating regularly, while also having casual sex on the side. When I finally met a seemingly great guy in the wild, it was awkward telling upcoming planned dates and FWB that I would not see them due to making a strong connection. The connection was fresh, I wasn’t sure what was happening, and wasn’t sure if I was reacting too quickly. They texted me often enough for two months, asking if the strong connection went further and if we could meet. It was annoying.
The two-month-thing ended, I gave myself time to grieve, and now I have a new strategy. I will not have more than one date on my calendar. I will not give my number out if I have a date scheduled, whether they ask in the wild or on the dating app that I recently signed up to. Female friends tell me “this isn’t the way to go; play the field”, but I have no desire to. I want to see how my new strategy feels, what happens when I do things this way, instead of giving into the cut-throat nature of dating these days.
Two weeks ago, first date since the two-month-thing was scheduled via Breeze (we both laid ā¬11). He cancelled the morning of the date. Instead of a “ya snooze, ya lose” mentality, I decided to schedule no dates in the meantime, and our upcoming first date is now this weekend. So, now I wonder if I’m weird. Possibly so, but it’s my journey to discover.
went on a second date 2 nights ago that I thought went well, but was also admittedly uneventful as far as any escalation of intimacy. She responded to my post date text briefly that night and then the next morning thanking me for dinner. No response since. I don’t know what changed her mind tbh, but I always take this change in communication frequency as confirmation of disinterest. Any reason to think otherwise?
I had a first date with someone I met on the apps a couple days ago. It went really well, thought they were cute, we ended up back at my place and got physical. We didnāt go all the way to p in v sex, but it did not feel great. I still like this person though. They asked to sleep over next week and I said yes but am now am not so sure. Sleeping over just feels really intimate to me and I think Iād like an out in case we have sex and itās still bad lol. Iām not sure how to word things, and feel kinda bad for changing my mind. I could also just see how it goes, I guess, but I also feel like if Iām not excited about having sex and sleeping with them itās probably not worth it.
To complicate things, Iām not sure I want that kind of relationship with this person. I donāt know if I have the capacity for something that is not very casual. Iām still interested in getting to know them, though.
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Finally got a time that I don’t have to be on a move with the diving group Iām currently with, which means i have time to sit down and call babe to check in with him (and try to offer a virtual hug)
Good to see his face and realised I wanted to just blopping around him on a weekend. Ya girl is too old to be on a run
Not sure if it’s the hormones talking or my brain talking – but goodness, gracious me. Music guy can sing. He just started singing A Cappella and I could listen to it the whole day. We had a quick chat about the event that he couldn’t attend (yes, thank you to the people who suggested to use that as somewhat of a conversation starter) and I actually found out what he does for a living (not that LinkedIn didn’t already have it….) Now it would be funny if he is on this subreddit – he seems young/nerdy enough to have reddit, and maybe weird/single enough to be on this subreddit (hi there if you are on this subreddit!)
Well my fellow DOTs, if you’d been following my posts here for a while you’d know all about the crush I was dealing with on a coworker for about six months now. Well, today the saga has finally come to an end. It was getting to a point where I just needed to do something about this or else I’d just be stuck in limbo. So, towards the end of the day when we were both alone chatting, I asked if she’d want to grab a drink, and I got hit with the “sorry I’m busy but maybe some other time” soft rejection. I said hey no worries, just let me know and that was that. Not gonna lie, it does sting because I liked her quite a bit, but I also feel a sense of relief knowing where she stands and we can continue to be great colleagues who just really get along well. I expect I’ll have a few nights coming up when I’m alone at home where I’ll get “in my feelings” as the kids say, but that’s part of the healing process. The bigger question for me to answer is, now what? I refuse to go back on the dating apps and all my hobbies are sausage fests š So I’m really at a loss right now on what to do to meet women in the wild. But for now, I have closure and I’m just going to reflect on this as a learning experience.
I decided to retry bumble after getting bored with hinge.
I immediately connected with a cute guy, and we’re vibing and making plans for the weekend. Can it really be this easy?
Really having a difficult time with this Charlie Kirk thing. My gf and her friends are celebrating it and im sick to my stomach. After watching the video and looking at photos of his wife and kids, I am truly sickened by the whole thing and anyone who is celebrating.
For what its worth im not a Charlie Kirk or Trump supporter.
Anyone else going through this?