What do you wish women understood better about men’s emotions and mental health?
September 11, 2025
As a woman, I’m curious.. just wanna know and not gonna judge you!!
34 comments
That we are not defective women, so the process of fixing problems with mental health is also different.
Have you seen the commenters here? That no one is gonna judge you is a lie.
For myself, nothing, I don’t need to be understood.
But for men as a whole it would be nice if the prevalence of suicide among men could be taken a little more seriously.
Honestly, if men had a dollar for every time they were asked about their feelings, we could fund a therapy session for every guy out there! But seriously, it’s okay to feel like a walking emotional rollercoaster sometimes!
That when you say “not gonna judge you” that we know you’re lying.
1. Society/culture has taught us to bottle things up.
2. We usually like to solve our own problems, but we do like a shoulder to lean on
3. Don’t weaponize a man’s trust if he confides his problems in you.
4. We have more simple emotions than women, but that doesn’t mean we’re entirely simple.
5. We are generally the provider. We can’t just quit or our whole family becomes homeless. Svicide becomes the nuclear option.
I feel like a lot of women just don’t understand how many men are programmed to bond. We tend to bond better over a shared goal or objective, not over conversation. We bond shoulder to shoulder, not face to face. It’s how we can have a best friend we hardly talk to, but we dug that massive hole once, and now he’s the best man in my wedding.
This extends to a lot of things. This is why when you are just trying to vent to a guy they’ll try to offer solutions. You want to vent, but he’s programmed to treat this as a goal to be achieved or an obstacle to be overcome, potentially together.
That I’m never going to fully open up, no matter how many reassurances or promises I’m given.
Blogger looking for content
##WE ARE NOT WOMEN.
So please, for the love of God, stop trying to assess and treat our mental health like women.
The modern structure of therapy was designed around female psychology, so it’s not reasonable for it to work as well on men.
When I say I’m good, I’m good. No hidden message nor something that needs to be interpreted.
We aren’t taught how to process through them.
Most of us understand that you care about our emotions in the same way we care about our printer not running out of ink.
[Uses of “you” do not apply to you specifically, OP. Please take no offense.]
I am not a sitcom TV dad, whose only settings are angry, hungry, and horny. Being treated this way is demeaning.
I will express my emotions as I choose. Please do not encourage me to “vent,” “open up,” “let it all out,” or make any other intimation that you can regulate my emotions better, or “healthier” than I do for myself. You are not my therapist, you are not my mother, and you are not “being helpful.” You are being condescending and critical. This is unasked, and it is *unwanted*.
If a man opens up to you and is vulnerable, responding by being judgey, getting defensive, trivializing the issue, or being dismissive will ensure that he does not open up to you again. I know this seems obvious; what is *not* obvious, is that the majority people are simply not up to the task. Intentions may be good, but when stuff gets real, women tend to panic, and the friendship/relationship is never the same. Every man you will ever speak to has been through this, likely more than once.
Hurt usually looks like anger.
That when you say ‘it’s okay to speak your mind’ and ‘I won’t judge you,’ we knows those are traps.
The reason I’m not going to ‘open up’ is because you can’t solve it. So it’s a waste of my time and yours. When I say I want space to solve it, I’m solving it. Don’t get grumpy I’m not involving you or that I want my own space. You’re not always the main character here.
Men tend to oriented towards action/solution, and often find the sharing of emotions without action confusing/frustrating.
When a guy comes to me and tells me about his troubles it is implied that he wants some sort of assistance in resolving that trouble (advice, physical help, etc…). I’ve learned (the hard way) that when a woman comes to me and tells me about her troubles, she is often just asking to be “heard” and will be offended or irritated at me if I even attempt to assist her in trying to fix the problem she has shared with me.
That many of us would actually like to be able to express our emotions and let you see them without being attacked.
>The first act of violence that patriarchy demands of males is not violence toward women. Instead patriarchy demands of all males that they engage in acts of psychic self-mutilation, that they kill off the emotional parts of themselves. If an individual is not successful in emotionally crippling himself, he can count on patriarchal men to enact rituals of power that will assault his self-esteem.
>bell hooks, *The Will to Change*
Emotionally, we’re all walking wounded.
Women get lots of conflicting messages about who and what they’re supposed to be, which turned into a fantastic monologue near the end of the *Barbie* movie.
Nobody’s written the male version of that monologue, but we also face a huge list of contrary expectations. Men are pretty much always expected to initiate any romantic or sexual activity, and if we don’t we don’t love her anymore. Maybe what we don’t love is being rejected? Maybe she never initiates anything, and we feel unloved?
Make enough money to support a family. Don’t spend too much time at work.
Support your wife in her career. Don’t make her feel like her money is the most important thing.
There are more, and we have to deal with them, same as you have to deal with yours.
I want to feel wanted. When I’ve put in effort I want to feel appreciated. It’s not enough that you love someone, you have to make them *feel* loved for it to count.
I think the biggest thing for me is weaponizing vulnerability. I feel it’s so much harder to be open and vulnerable as a man for a plethora of reasons, and from my personal experience, I have had that used against me in an argument with ex partners.
And then, from that point on, you know you can’t be open about your emotions or feelings because it will be used against you. Then, relationships break down because you’re emotionless or unwilling to share.
Because it’s so much harder to be open about stuff as a man, when it’s used against you, it’s that much more painful and leaves real lasting trauma.
It’s funny how people can say some pretty hurtful things in an arguement, but some women dont seem to understand that if you attack that vulnerability, that damage is going to have ramifications for reaching outside of the arguement you are currently having.
I would like to say that men aren’t all the same but there are some generalizations that are generally true. Men tend to be problem solving focused coping oriented. If something makes us feel bad we tend to try and fix external things to make us feel better. Basically the opposite of emotion focused coping most women do. This has some pros and cons. Pros being that we tend to fix our problems and look for solutions. Cons being if the problem isn’t easy to fix or we are unable to fix the problem then we sorta get stuck and depressed. For example being short and distressed about it sucks because realistically you can’t problem solve your way out of it. You have to do emotion focused coping which alot of men aren’t very good at. I am good at it now but I use to suck at it so anytime I had a distressing issue that had no solution or quick fixed I became miserable.
Active prejudice against them and total lack of meaningful real work in school and professional life are the core of the issue. Function and being appreciated for their talents is all men really need to figure everything else out. You will never solve the male mental health problem while maintaining feminist/misandrist practices of discrimination and encouraging divorce and single mother families. It’s rotting the West and must be forced to stop.
Here’s some “two cents” (or less) of word vomit off the top of my head, before I eat a bit and then get my equipment ready to head out for hockey this afternoon. Likely both too vague with regards to men in general, and then too specific and personal, and even missing a lot even in that. Maybe you can find something useful somewhere in it, but I have my severe doubts on that.
A vague intellectual understanding by women, doesn’t and won’t make any difference. One of my favourite quotes from a novel: “The illusion of understanding is a product of distance and perspective. True understanding requires involvement.”
I’m sure if you have a real interest you can look up general differences between men and woman socially and physically/biologically/mentally in some reputable sources.
I really don’t care all that much if you or any other stranger online judges me. I and everyone is being judged and often dismissed, even without words being said, everyday in the real world.
Men do have emotions and feel, even if they aren’t usually expressed in the same way and to the same outward extent as woman in general. Outright rejection (and being generally rejected) isn’t fun for anyone, even those more used to it. You, as a man, are generally unwanted. I can understand vaguely intellectually about woman complaining about being “only wanted for their body”, most men aren’t even able to be wanted for that, and if so most commonly as only a tool to get tasks done – with no attraction. What can you do for me now (and continually) is the order of the day.
Once you get a little older you’ll likely realize everything is a trade off and compromise in one way or another.
As far as some general things and my current situation for me personally? I have depression and have been medicated for it in different ways for a while, only helps to a degree. That part in the previous paragraph where I said men feel, with me not so much anymore. I am a middle aged man in a dead bedroom marriage. I am touch deprived; the only way I do and will get any is by paying for it in one form or another (legit and not legit massage). I do not have any friends (been quite a while since that was or appeared true), very few closer acquaintances, and some local family – including parents still alive.
Have I ever planned suicide in my life or had reoccurring thoughts of killing myself? the first: surprisingly not in any detail very many times, and the second (especially regular fleeting thoughts) of course. Except at the lowest times it isn’t really about wanting to die, it is more about not particularly wanting to live all that much.
If you want to go way back in some ways, I didn’t date, have relationships, or have sex until later than average (and less than average), and on the social scale way back in high school I wasn’t in the “in group”, the middle groups or even really the bottom groups. Well, that’s not completely true – I did have sex (but not have a date by) age 19, but it was years before I had sex again. In high school wasn’t near socially adept enough to be a geek, smart enough to be a nerd, so I guess you could toss me into the top three of my grade for being in the dork category. On top of that moderate acne starting in my mid teens did not help at all for what little I had of self confidence. Even further back I did have “friends” and a best friend a couple times as a kid, the second best friend up until a mid-teen. May have had a couple people who I considered friends at the time since then, but not anyone in a decade or two. Likely my definition of what constitutes a friend has radically changed from when I was much younger.
Men are not encouraged to seek comfort and safety from other people. Full stop. That has profound isolating effects throughout life. It’s comical when the stereotype is “men won’t ask for directions” but insist on doing it themselves, but that’s also a symptom of being ridiculed for asking for help in the past. Male stereotypes like these and others are also very much in play with some possible exceptions for ultra liberal bubbles.
When I hold myself accountable and you don’t, you become an emotional burden.
One of the biggest barriers to men “opening up” is women and how they react to it.
That when you tell us you wish we would ‘open up’ it often feels like a trap.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve uncomfortably bent the knee, against my better judgement, and talked openly about sensitive issues from my past, only to have it thrown back in my face during a disagreement just to be hurtful. Additionally, it seemed to happen when I brought up something they had done that was hurtful to me and refused to take responsibility or apologize, and then threw this in as a hail mary for reasons I can’t comprehend.
I know this isn’t applicable to everyone, we’re all different, but this was multiple girlfriends over many years. Eventually you learn to take a hint.
That men don’t need therapy, men are seeing mental health professionals more now than any time in history and the male suicide rate is higher than any time in recorded history.
I’ve worked in mental health and death investigations and the majority of men that kill themselves see a therapist, especially the young ones.
The the partners issues have an impact on men’s psyche when the partner doesn’t deal with their issues.
We may be strong, understanding and resilient but when you don’t get your shit together it drains and hurts us over time.
Y’all want us to be strong and stoic because that provides a sense of security to you, which again is attractive. Men that cry or struggle or admit their emotions take that sense of security away and are thus less attractive. I have seen it a few times, and it’s the reason I don’t open up anymore to my GF as much.
I wished therefore women could take themselves out of the equation when a guy opens up to them and provide emotional support without letting it affect how they see him.
Sex isn’t just sex.
Women seem to have this image of men as being inveterate horn dogs who only care about using women to get off. But for many of us, sex matters so much because it is the truest, rawest expression of love and affection a woman can give.
Compliments can be faked. Other tasks can be completed out of a sense of obligation. A woman will date a man for his finances or just to not be alone (as a corollary to this: never tell a man he isn’t hook-up material – you’re calling him unattractive when you say this) but in every unhappy relationship I know of where she has nothing but contempt for her partner, sex is always the first thing to go.
A lot of the time, it is the only way to know a woman sincerely loves *you* as a person, not what you do for her or how you improve her life.
34 comments
That we are not defective women, so the process of fixing problems with mental health is also different.
Have you seen the commenters here? That no one is gonna judge you is a lie.
For myself, nothing, I don’t need to be understood.
But for men as a whole it would be nice if the prevalence of suicide among men could be taken a little more seriously.
Honestly, if men had a dollar for every time they were asked about their feelings, we could fund a therapy session for every guy out there! But seriously, it’s okay to feel like a walking emotional rollercoaster sometimes!
That when you say “not gonna judge you” that we know you’re lying.
1. Society/culture has taught us to bottle things up.
2. We usually like to solve our own problems, but we do like a shoulder to lean on
3. Don’t weaponize a man’s trust if he confides his problems in you.
4. We have more simple emotions than women, but that doesn’t mean we’re entirely simple.
5. We are generally the provider. We can’t just quit or our whole family becomes homeless. Svicide becomes the nuclear option.
I feel like a lot of women just don’t understand how many men are programmed to bond. We tend to bond better over a shared goal or objective, not over conversation. We bond shoulder to shoulder, not face to face. It’s how we can have a best friend we hardly talk to, but we dug that massive hole once, and now he’s the best man in my wedding.
This extends to a lot of things. This is why when you are just trying to vent to a guy they’ll try to offer solutions. You want to vent, but he’s programmed to treat this as a goal to be achieved or an obstacle to be overcome, potentially together.
That I’m never going to fully open up, no matter how many reassurances or promises I’m given.
Blogger looking for content
##WE ARE NOT WOMEN.
So please, for the love of God, stop trying to assess and treat our mental health like women.
The modern structure of therapy was designed around female psychology, so it’s not reasonable for it to work as well on men.
When I say I’m good, I’m good. No hidden message nor something that needs to be interpreted.
We aren’t taught how to process through them.
Most of us understand that you care about our emotions in the same way we care about our printer not running out of ink.
[Uses of “you” do not apply to you specifically, OP. Please take no offense.]
I am not a sitcom TV dad, whose only settings are angry, hungry, and horny. Being treated this way is demeaning.
I will express my emotions as I choose. Please do not encourage me to “vent,” “open up,” “let it all out,” or make any other intimation that you can regulate my emotions better, or “healthier” than I do for myself. You are not my therapist, you are not my mother, and you are not “being helpful.” You are being condescending and critical. This is unasked, and it is *unwanted*.
If a man opens up to you and is vulnerable, responding by being judgey, getting defensive, trivializing the issue, or being dismissive will ensure that he does not open up to you again. I know this seems obvious; what is *not* obvious, is that the majority people are simply not up to the task. Intentions may be good, but when stuff gets real, women tend to panic, and the friendship/relationship is never the same. Every man you will ever speak to has been through this, likely more than once.
Hurt usually looks like anger.
That when you say ‘it’s okay to speak your mind’ and ‘I won’t judge you,’ we knows those are traps.
The reason I’m not going to ‘open up’ is because you can’t solve it. So it’s a waste of my time and yours. When I say I want space to solve it, I’m solving it. Don’t get grumpy I’m not involving you or that I want my own space. You’re not always the main character here.
Men tend to oriented towards action/solution, and often find the sharing of emotions without action confusing/frustrating.
When a guy comes to me and tells me about his troubles it is implied that he wants some sort of assistance in resolving that trouble (advice, physical help, etc…). I’ve learned (the hard way) that when a woman comes to me and tells me about her troubles, she is often just asking to be “heard” and will be offended or irritated at me if I even attempt to assist her in trying to fix the problem she has shared with me.
That many of us would actually like to be able to express our emotions and let you see them without being attacked.
>The first act of violence that patriarchy demands of males is not violence toward women. Instead patriarchy demands of all males that they engage in acts of psychic self-mutilation, that they kill off the emotional parts of themselves. If an individual is not successful in emotionally crippling himself, he can count on patriarchal men to enact rituals of power that will assault his self-esteem.
>bell hooks, *The Will to Change*
Emotionally, we’re all walking wounded.
Women get lots of conflicting messages about who and what they’re supposed to be, which turned into a fantastic monologue near the end of the *Barbie* movie.
Nobody’s written the male version of that monologue, but we also face a huge list of contrary expectations. Men are pretty much always expected to initiate any romantic or sexual activity, and if we don’t we don’t love her anymore. Maybe what we don’t love is being rejected? Maybe she never initiates anything, and we feel unloved?
Make enough money to support a family. Don’t spend too much time at work.
Support your wife in her career. Don’t make her feel like her money is the most important thing.
There are more, and we have to deal with them, same as you have to deal with yours.
I want to feel wanted. When I’ve put in effort I want to feel appreciated. It’s not enough that you love someone, you have to make them *feel* loved for it to count.
I think the biggest thing for me is weaponizing vulnerability. I feel it’s so much harder to be open and vulnerable as a man for a plethora of reasons, and from my personal experience, I have had that used against me in an argument with ex partners.
And then, from that point on, you know you can’t be open about your emotions or feelings because it will be used against you. Then, relationships break down because you’re emotionless or unwilling to share.
Because it’s so much harder to be open about stuff as a man, when it’s used against you, it’s that much more painful and leaves real lasting trauma.
It’s funny how people can say some pretty hurtful things in an arguement, but some women dont seem to understand that if you attack that vulnerability, that damage is going to have ramifications for reaching outside of the arguement you are currently having.
I would like to say that men aren’t all the same but there are some generalizations that are generally true. Men tend to be problem solving focused coping oriented. If something makes us feel bad we tend to try and fix external things to make us feel better. Basically the opposite of emotion focused coping most women do. This has some pros and cons. Pros being that we tend to fix our problems and look for solutions. Cons being if the problem isn’t easy to fix or we are unable to fix the problem then we sorta get stuck and depressed. For example being short and distressed about it sucks because realistically you can’t problem solve your way out of it. You have to do emotion focused coping which alot of men aren’t very good at. I am good at it now but I use to suck at it so anytime I had a distressing issue that had no solution or quick fixed I became miserable.
Active prejudice against them and total lack of meaningful real work in school and professional life are the core of the issue. Function and being appreciated for their talents is all men really need to figure everything else out. You will never solve the male mental health problem while maintaining feminist/misandrist practices of discrimination and encouraging divorce and single mother families. It’s rotting the West and must be forced to stop.
Here’s some “two cents” (or less) of word vomit off the top of my head, before I eat a bit and then get my equipment ready to head out for hockey this afternoon. Likely both too vague with regards to men in general, and then too specific and personal, and even missing a lot even in that. Maybe you can find something useful somewhere in it, but I have my severe doubts on that.
A vague intellectual understanding by women, doesn’t and won’t make any difference. One of my favourite quotes from a novel: “The illusion of understanding is a product of distance and perspective. True understanding requires involvement.”
I’m sure if you have a real interest you can look up general differences between men and woman socially and physically/biologically/mentally in some reputable sources.
I really don’t care all that much if you or any other stranger online judges me. I and everyone is being judged and often dismissed, even without words being said, everyday in the real world.
Men do have emotions and feel, even if they aren’t usually expressed in the same way and to the same outward extent as woman in general. Outright rejection (and being generally rejected) isn’t fun for anyone, even those more used to it. You, as a man, are generally unwanted. I can understand vaguely intellectually about woman complaining about being “only wanted for their body”, most men aren’t even able to be wanted for that, and if so most commonly as only a tool to get tasks done – with no attraction. What can you do for me now (and continually) is the order of the day.
Once you get a little older you’ll likely realize everything is a trade off and compromise in one way or another.
As far as some general things and my current situation for me personally? I have depression and have been medicated for it in different ways for a while, only helps to a degree. That part in the previous paragraph where I said men feel, with me not so much anymore. I am a middle aged man in a dead bedroom marriage. I am touch deprived; the only way I do and will get any is by paying for it in one form or another (legit and not legit massage). I do not have any friends (been quite a while since that was or appeared true), very few closer acquaintances, and some local family – including parents still alive.
Have I ever planned suicide in my life or had reoccurring thoughts of killing myself? the first: surprisingly not in any detail very many times, and the second (especially regular fleeting thoughts) of course. Except at the lowest times it isn’t really about wanting to die, it is more about not particularly wanting to live all that much.
If you want to go way back in some ways, I didn’t date, have relationships, or have sex until later than average (and less than average), and on the social scale way back in high school I wasn’t in the “in group”, the middle groups or even really the bottom groups. Well, that’s not completely true – I did have sex (but not have a date by) age 19, but it was years before I had sex again. In high school wasn’t near socially adept enough to be a geek, smart enough to be a nerd, so I guess you could toss me into the top three of my grade for being in the dork category. On top of that moderate acne starting in my mid teens did not help at all for what little I had of self confidence. Even further back I did have “friends” and a best friend a couple times as a kid, the second best friend up until a mid-teen. May have had a couple people who I considered friends at the time since then, but not anyone in a decade or two. Likely my definition of what constitutes a friend has radically changed from when I was much younger.
Men are not encouraged to seek comfort and safety from other people. Full stop. That has profound isolating effects throughout life. It’s comical when the stereotype is “men won’t ask for directions” but insist on doing it themselves, but that’s also a symptom of being ridiculed for asking for help in the past. Male stereotypes like these and others are also very much in play with some possible exceptions for ultra liberal bubbles.
When I hold myself accountable and you don’t, you become an emotional burden.
One of the biggest barriers to men “opening up” is women and how they react to it.
That when you tell us you wish we would ‘open up’ it often feels like a trap.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve uncomfortably bent the knee, against my better judgement, and talked openly about sensitive issues from my past, only to have it thrown back in my face during a disagreement just to be hurtful. Additionally, it seemed to happen when I brought up something they had done that was hurtful to me and refused to take responsibility or apologize, and then threw this in as a hail mary for reasons I can’t comprehend.
I know this isn’t applicable to everyone, we’re all different, but this was multiple girlfriends over many years. Eventually you learn to take a hint.
That men don’t need therapy, men are seeing mental health professionals more now than any time in history and the male suicide rate is higher than any time in recorded history.
I’ve worked in mental health and death investigations and the majority of men that kill themselves see a therapist, especially the young ones.
The the partners issues have an impact on men’s psyche when the partner doesn’t deal with their issues.
We may be strong, understanding and resilient but when you don’t get your shit together it drains and hurts us over time.
Y’all want us to be strong and stoic because that provides a sense of security to you, which again is attractive. Men that cry or struggle or admit their emotions take that sense of security away and are thus less attractive. I have seen it a few times, and it’s the reason I don’t open up anymore to my GF as much.
I wished therefore women could take themselves out of the equation when a guy opens up to them and provide emotional support without letting it affect how they see him.
Sex isn’t just sex.
Women seem to have this image of men as being inveterate horn dogs who only care about using women to get off. But for many of us, sex matters so much because it is the truest, rawest expression of love and affection a woman can give.
Compliments can be faked. Other tasks can be completed out of a sense of obligation. A woman will date a man for his finances or just to not be alone (as a corollary to this: never tell a man he isn’t hook-up material – you’re calling him unattractive when you say this) but in every unhappy relationship I know of where she has nothing but contempt for her partner, sex is always the first thing to go.
A lot of the time, it is the only way to know a woman sincerely loves *you* as a person, not what you do for her or how you improve her life.