I know I’m not 30 yet (I’m 19) and this subreddit is generally for men over 30, but I’m looking for wisdom from men who have been through what I’m going through now. I’m hoping for mature perspective from some older people who’ve been through what I’m experiencing now.
I’ve been reflecting deeply on where I’m at in life. I’ve worked hard to become financially stable (I freelance doing reverse engineering), and I’ve developed a pretty strong sense of values, principles, and long term goals. I’ve given up unhealthy habits, I value emotional maturity, and I’ve been trying to build a life I can be proud of.
The problem is, most of the people around me aren’t on the same wavelength it seems. Many are still chasing short term validation; flings, cheap dopamine, no reflection. Or at least the ones I surround myself with. One friend, who I'm starting to take a step back from, started talking to a woman A LOT younger than him, and when I called out how inappropriate that was, he just made excuses. That was the last straw. I can’t relate to people who don’t even try to hold themselves to a higher standard.
I’ve also started feeling the weight of being alone. I’m not running from loneliness, I sit with it. But it’s hard not having people to share my wins with or even just meaningful conversations. I long for connection, not out of desperation, but because I genuinely want someone to build with, not escape with.
I’m not interested in hookup culture. I’ve had toxic experiences in the past where I was over attached to the wrong person (one sided effort, constant anxiety, felt I was walking on eggshells). I’ve since worked on myself, but I fear repeating that dynamic again, even though I know I’ve grown.
I’m trying to find my people. People who think, reflect, and want to build something meaningful, even if it’s just good conversation. But at 19, it feels like I’m decades apart from most people my age mentally. I feel stuck between being too young to relate to older men and too mature to relate to my peers
If you’ve ever felt like this, ahead of your time, or out of sync with your environment. How did you navigate it? Where did you find people who were worth your time? How did you deal with the loneliness of being different, even when you knew it was the right path?
TLDR:
I’m a 19yo male and feel like I’m living in a different mindset than most people my age, focused on long term goals, emotional maturity, and real connection instead of validation or flings. I’ve distanced myself from friends who act immorally or recklessly, and while I know I’m on the right path, it’s lonely. I’m looking for advice from older guys who’ve been in this position before: how did you find people who matched your values? How did you stay patient and on the right track when it felt like you were the only one taking life seriously?