I ((F34) would really like to be a mother one day, but the catch is I never wish to be pregnant. This is non-negotiable for me as I have a couple medical conditions that will make me a high risk pregnancy, and my mom got pretty severe postpartum psychosis after having me. I’ve always been terrified of pregnancy and I’ve found a lot of internal peace this year being ok with never being pregnant. It doesn’t help that I live in a state where abortion is almost entirely illegal in the case I was in a life threatening situation.
On my online bios I have put “open to children” as I am unsure what to put. I have come to terms with not having children if it comes down to that, but I still would ideally like to adopt. Or even surrogacy, but that is even more costly than adoption from my understanding. Any time I see men whose bios say they want kids, I feel hesitant matching with them. To me this indicates that having biological children is important to them. That maybe adoption would only be an option if other methods have failed. A big part of why my last relationship ended was because of this. One of my medical conditions I got diagnosed with two years into my relationship can cause infertility, and I told my partner I’m ok with adopting. He ultimately was not and he made it clear he cared more about reproducing than being with me. So I admittedly have emotional damage from that whole experience and need to be with a partner who doesn’t care if their kids are biological or not.
When is a good opportunity to bring this up? It feels odd to put in my bio. To me it’s more important to raise a kid with the right partner than for the kid to be biological. The reason I desire to parent goes far beyond genetics, and I find a lot of men are more against adoption because the child “isn’t theirs.” Not all men of course, but just a pattern I’ve noticed.