So I've been watching a lot of love coaches on YouTube (mainly Coach Lee), and they all claim that using the 'no contact' strategy is the most effective way of getting your ex back.
I've also read some reviews and on some forums that this is nothing more than manipulation and is a borderline scam in order to sell their products.
What do you guys think? What's your experience with 'no contact', and has any of your exes returned to you?
32 comments
Why would you want your ex back?
No it didn’t work and it was for the better 🙂
Using “no contact” to get an ex back is game-playing. It’s not mature at all. If ur doing it to manipulate a return, you both lose, because the return will be a result of strategy, not sincerity.
If the relationship ends, then it’s much more likely your ex would move on. Going no contact would seem to make it completely clear to them that you don’t want them back.
Just follow the better rule of never talking or going back to an ex.
That stuff is a scam. It’s meant to rope people in when they’re vulnerable and upset. It’s exploiting people’s pain to try and sell you their products and enrich themselves
Just focus on moving on with your life and getting yourself back on track. You should be focusing on yourself right now. You shouldn’t be focusing on your ex or trying to get back with your ex. Trust me, it’s not what you want to hear but it’s what you need to hear.
Good luck and hang in there!
The key is radical acceptance that they’re gone forever. As long as you hope, you put off desperate vibes. This hope will kill you and keep your life in limbo until one day you wake up thinking “I can’t believe I put my life on hold like this.”
Use their silence as the reason you don’t want to give them another chance. The silence is emotional abuse. Why would you want this person back?
I’ve been there multiple times. Got my life together, used relationship advice sites like Chatvisor for guidance when I needed it. Some exes did come sniffing around or showed jealousy when I moved on, but by then I realized they weren’t good enough for me anymore.
The silence tells you everything you need to know about them. No contact works, but not to get them back, it works to show you that you deserve someone who wouldn’t disappear on you in the first place.
I think the point of no contact is to create distance so you can focus on yourself, instead of falling back into old cycles.
In my case, I have noticed they really do return everytime.. Why they return, can be number of reasons..
1. Maybe it was a genuine connection and the space made them realise that this is indeed what they want and they’re willing to work on it, given they have worked on themselves during this no contact time (not really majority case though..)
2. They’re bored and think they have easy access.
Point is, hopefuly while focussing on yourself during no contact you have worked on yourself to either look back at it in a way that isn’t emotionally charged (for case 1.) OR you have worked on yourself enough to have the self respect to decline the offer for Case 2. 😉
Just keep in mind, it didn’t work out for a reason. The minimum requirement of wanting to be with someone should be that they want to be with you too! 🙃
Nope.
Tried it before when i was younger and it just negatively impacted my psyche. The false hope will plague your mind.
No contact for your peace. Don’t expect for them to come back or it will make you even harder to move on. Ex will come back phrase is depending on their personalities, needs during that time 🤍
No contact does work. It helps you detox the person so when you’re in contact again, you’d have more clarity. It also helps your healing and leveling up.
If you’re doing it just to get someone to come back, you already failed because the no contact period is consumed by the thoughts of the other person. And to me, that’s still contact.
If you want to reconcile with your ex you need to find a way to communicate that. No contact is no way to do that it just shows you’re no longer interested. How did things end with your ex?
After breakups the mind is in a pretty bad state and it’s like losing your favourite drug. These coaches are like dopamine dealers. You can watch them but your best bet is changing your perspective on things and doing what feels right. Playing this kind of game takes your energy and makes you linger to your past more than you should.
Of course everything is possible but there’s no point in coming back if people don’t change the things that broke them up.
no contact IMO is about protecting yourself
You made this person an EX for a reason – or they dropped you
Why sit there and hope that a person that you wrote off, or who wrote you off would come back into your circle.
I did it. She came back. But this really was not the strategy for doing it. I did it for the sake of self respect
It prevents you from saying the wrong thing, or letting them see they still have an effect on you. In my experience, certain people in general are more predisposed to coming back; regardless of how you deal with it
That being said, if you deal with the breakup maturely, it makes you more approachable
Yes and yes but don’t take em back
i went no contact and did not get my ex back. but then again they are a ex for a reason so why dig in my own trash?
Yes but if that’s what you need to do to get them back, don’t. Have some self respect.
there is a reason why you guys broke up, just move on
It may work if the ex is insecure, fears being alone, has no other option and so they’ll reach out to string you along until they find someone else.
It can get their attention because they miss being chased, it won’t make them want you back.
Grow up !!! That manipulative BS
in my experience NO, Done it 3 times and reconnected to a even worse scenario. It ended for a reason, Keep it that way you will thank yourself.!
My ex wanted to go no contact after a healthy breakup, she broke it a week later to send me a nice message but went back to no contact afterwards. It’s been a year and a half of no contact.
I went no contact with my most recent ex and he just found a new boyfriend. So yeah, I can confidently say that strategy is bullshit.
No contact only works when dealing with an avoidant partner. Unless that partner is in therapy and actively trying to change, u dont want them back cause they are going to discard you again once they feel they are too close to you. They cannot handle cloae connections, it triggers them to push away.
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I mean, yeah no contact does seem to work (at least for me), but the goal of no contact shouldn’t be to get your ex back. It should be because you don’t want to speak to that person and want to limit contact. Them coming back just happens to be a byproduct of that.
no contact isn’t magic, it just gives both people space to breathe. sometimes an ex comes back, sometimes they don’t, but the real win is you getting clarity instead of chasing. if it feels like manipulation, you’re doing it wrong — it should be about focusing on yourself, not tricking someone into missing you
I go no-contact with my exes *because* I don’t want them back. Why would I want someone who discarded me and/or refused to be a good partner to me?
Go no-contact to move on, not to get back someone who didn’t see the value in you the first time around
They return only when you don’t want them to.
Yea after my ex broke up with me I’ve told her mom and her happy birthday because they told me happy birthday. Outside of that I have nothing to say to them there’s nothing to talk about.
Like someone else said why would you want your ex back?
no contact isn’t some magic spell to reel someone back in. it’s more like giving yourself space to heal and see things clearly. yeah, sometimes exes do come back, but by then you might not even want them. if you’re doing it just to “win” them back, you’ll probably end up disappointed