I (28F) have been with my boyfriend (33M) for almost five years, we live together and I really do truly love him. We have been going through a rough patch lately, mostly work and money related. His work is really stressful, and I have a fair bit of debt and trying to work that down, which in this economy is hard.
I work at a café and usually do close by myself. For the last few months my boyfriend’s friend and colleague usually comes by twice a day to the café for coffee and has gotten in the habit of coming by near close and sometimes helps me put the chairs and tables in the shop before closing for the day.
We chit chat sometimes when the café is quiet, I mostly listen to him talk about his breakup, and work and things. When talking to men who aren’t my boyfriend I always try and play by the ‘don’t say anything to them that you wouldn’t say with your man in the room’ rule, and I don’t think I ever said anything to lead him on, but I must have? Because after closing he walked me to my car and told me that he thinks he is in love with me and thinks that I have feelings for him to because I smile and relax when he comes in, and I panicked and told him that this is not ok and to stop talking and ran to my car.
I keep replaying everything over in my head and I feel sick, like maybe if did fancy him a little? Idk he is attractive and I like talking to him, and I did feel safer having him around at close especially when it got dark. But I thought our friendship was more along the customer service and boyfriends friend/colleague lines not anything flirty. But I must have? I feel sick, truly sick.
I know I need to tell my boyfriend but I don’t know where to begin or what to say. I don’t want to hurt him, and I am scared that when I tell him he will punch him and cause issues at work. How do I tell him this?
TLDR – I think I had an emotional affair on my boyfriend with his work colleague/friend, he would come by my work a couple times a week and we would talk, I thought I kept it platonic but he told me he has feelings for me and I don’t know how to tell my boyfriend