I [f30] recently got engaged to my fiancé [m31]. We have been together for 5 years. A classic case where many of the same problems we had before we got engaged still exist. Ultimately, though, I struggle with the feeling that I am often irritating to him. I've noticed how lately, we both make little digs at each other. Although I recognize that I am a rather sensitive person, I think if I were to bring this up to him, he would say "I thought we were just joking around." To me, though, I wonder if it is a by-product of our dynamic: that we have worn each other down. I admit that I am more frequently bringing up things that bother me and I think this makes him feel inadequate — which I hate. I don't think I really know how to comfort him, but I do try. It's weird, how I can have a really wonderful day, feel positive about life, but then I go home to him, and throughout the course of the evening, something will be said that leaves me feeling deflated. It's hard to explain, but I frequently feel emotionally rejected in my attempts for connection. He does a great job of encouraging me, but I don't feel comfortable ever asking him for help. He certainly does not ask me. I crave partnership. I feel so lonely in this relationship at times and I wonder if he feels the same. I wonder if we love each other the way we need, and if that's something we are capable of providing to one another. I annoy him when I ask if he's happy. I have been trying to keep things to myself because I feel like I exhaust him, but I am worried and reluctant about marriage.
I don't know what to do. I feel so stuck in this uncertainty, but I want us to both be happy. I just thought love would feel different. I carry this constant weight on my chest. I feel hollow sometimes. Is this normal?
TLDR: I am the exhausting partner. I don't know how to address it with my partner, but I feel so lonely and we plan on getting married.