I posted this on r/deadbedroom but wanted to post it here as well, I’ve gotten good advice but I want others’ opinions on it
I’ve almost reached a breaking point with my girlfriend of 5 years. I want to begin by saying that she is my best friend. Everything aside from intimacy is great, and I love spending time with her no matter what we are doing, however it has been 4 years of trying to “improve” our sex life with little to no progress at all.
It started out great the first 6-7 months, but even then I could tell I wanted intimacy far more than she did. Now it’s a rarity to even have vanilla sex once or twice a month. She absolutely has good reason for this: she started medication for her mental health and this lowers her sex drive drastically, which I’ve heard is very common. I would never want her to put something like my sexual needs over her well-being and day-to-day mood, and I’ve tried my best to be understanding and patient these past 4 years.
We’ve both just graduated college, and the next step is moving in together/marriage. The truth is I can’t be married to someone who doesn’t want me intimately. I love her more than anything, but I can’t fight to feel wanted like this forever. We’ve had conversations about this time and time again over the years, but it usually concludes with 2 great nights together then back to the regular dynamic.
I’ve heard that different anti-depressant medications can help with this, but I truly don’t know if it’s something that she wants. I feel like she would make more of an effort to make progress with this, but I never want to push her into changing something as fragile as depression for my sexual needs.
I’m lost on what to do, and I thought to myself all throughout college that this would be the girl I will soon marry. I keep telling myself she’ll get off the meds and things will return to normal but I’m beginning to lose hope. It’s been a long time fighting to feel wanted and loved in that way.
What would you all do if met with this situation?
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TL;DR: Together 5 years, love my girlfriend and she’s my best friend, but our sex life has been nearly dead for the past 4 years due to her antidepressants lowering her sex drive. We’ve had repeated talks but nothing changes long-term. I can’t imagine marriage without intimacy, but I also don’t want to pressure her to change medication just for my needs. I’m torn between my love for her and my growing frustration/loneliness