Tw: choking
I've been with my partner for four years, staying together for two. Previously, I was violently sexually assaulted, and my partner has been aware of this since before we were together.
For the first year and a half, we had a healthy, consensual sex life. My partner was the first person to make me feel safe and not like I had to do anything. I even upgraded from sleeping on a twin mattress pressed up against a wall ( so nobody could attack me from behind) to a queen bed so they could stay over.
About two years ago, I started waking up to my partner putting their hands in my pants, removing my clothes, climbing on top of me, and attempting to penetrate me. When I would ask about it, they claimed to be asleep and have no memory of it. They told me to wake them if it happens again. Initially, I wanted to believe this because they claim to be asexual, but as it's escalated, I've been noticing more red flags.
Usually, they twitch before falling asleep, but never before these incidents. I have tried to push them off, but they don't stop. They only stop after successful penetration (then "wake up" acting surprised but continue to try having sex) or if I struggle/make noise long enough.
Two nights ago, I woke up to them reaching into my panties and trying to pull my shirt off. I was barely conscious but woke up feeling raw. When I mentioned it, they denied having any knowledge of what happened. I was in and out of consciousness during it, but I still have an awareness of what happened.
Last night, I woke up to them choking me with one arm while pulling up my shirt with the other; they had their legs wrapped fully around my waist. It felt suffocating. I couldn't stay conscious from sleep deprivation and being choked. When I was able to get away, they just turned over and pulled blankets over themself.
A part of me has felt like I've been dreaming that these things have been happening to me, but today again I woke up with a sore neck and a headache.
Has anyone gone through anything similar?