This feels awkward to write, but it played a big part in why my relationship didn’t work.For context, I’m 6’1”, about 200 lbs. She was around 5 feet tall and 100 lbs. The size difference made intimacy difficult. She would sometimes tell me I was hitting a certain spot near her cervix that left her feeling almost paralyzed. What should have been closeness often ended up being uncomfortable, even painful for her. Afterward, she’d sometimes need a day or two to recover.At first, it was confusing. On the surface, some might see that as an “ego boost,” but living with it was the opposite. It made me feel like my body itself was a problem, like I couldn’t be close to someone without it causing pain. It was both frustrating and discouraging, and it chipped away at my self esteem.Now that the relationship is over, I’m left with this strange contradiction. Something people might assume is positive actually became a source of shame and distance. I never wanted to hurt her, but I couldn’t change what was happening.

My question: Has anyone else been in a situation where a physical mismatch hurt intimacy and the relationship? How do you move past feeling like something you can’t change made you “too much” for someone you cared about?


7 comments

  2. I’m about the same size as her and yes there has been men that just didn’t fit or only certain positions worked, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you it just wasn’t the right fit. I’m sure you’ll find someone that everything fits perfectly and not just physically. Best of luck to you!

  3. Although I’m not tall at all, and my Wife is a bit taller than the woman you speak of, our initial liaisons did lead to her having some pain and internal bruising. She consulted her gyno, and she recommended a cushion (ring), that fits over my penis and doesn’t allow as much of me to enter her. There are many options out there that are quite comfortable and suitable.

  5. 1. Lubricant. Not spit. Not olive oil. Proper good old-fashioned lubricant you can buy it at the grocery store and at the drugstore and at the sex store but buy lubricant. And enjoy putting it on nice and slow and covering her entire inside and outside area. More than you even think you need.

    2. Do all of #1 with great loving care. Take 30 to 55 minutes to slow slowly enjoy her and putting all that lubricant on her. If you give oral, do that first. Ask her what she wants, have a conversation. Get her super turned on. Anything you can do to bring all the blood flow to that part of the body is going to bring the internal resistance she needs to have to handle you. I cannot emphasize this enough. Take your time have fun driving her crazy and then she might, I emphasize might, be ready for you (and if she’s not slippery, add more lube).

    3. The first 5 to 10 times you have intercourse with her after you’ve already heightened her to this level, you need to let her take 100% control. Whether she wants you on top or she wants to be on top or she wants to be bent over the bed with you behind, or any other situation she can imagine it feeling OK, let her take control. She needs to dictate every angle and pressure and everything along the way, and if you can make it hot and sexy and really follow her advice and direction and commands, this can turn into a good positive sexual relationship or later, you can probably do what you want to do. But you’ve got to find a way to create the environment. If you know what I mean. Take it slow and let her lead is the advice I can give you. If you’re crazy about her and can see this going somewhere, this can be worth it and will help her establish trust, lust and love. If not, let her go. It’s not worth it for either of you. Especially her.

  7. I’m 6’3 and… uh… above average. My last two serious g/fs were quite petite. Like 5’3ish and 105-115lbs. We made it work… but I certainly couldn’t go full send with one and the other had to be VERY warmed up. It’s a little bit of a curse… because petite is what I’m attracted to.

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