I (28M) went on a date with a woman (32) that just moved to my city. The first date went absolutely phenomenal, we spent 3 hours at a restaurant and planned a second date during the first date. She had ubered there, but she asked me to drive her home (like 8 minutes away) and she kissed me right before she got out of the car. It was the best first date that I had ever been on.
For the second date I asked if she was okay with me picking her up and also doing it a little early before the movie so that we could drive by the two dinner options for after the movie. She just moved here and I thought it was a good idea.
It was going well. While driving we were talking just like the first date and then she started to get quieter. I was talking about restaurants in the neighborhood, and all of a sudden she says she wants to go home after 15 minutes in a really concerning tone. I of course say yes and begin to change course to drive her home. She completely shuts down, and I begin to apologize wondering if I had done anything and ask if I could do anything to make her more comfortable. She says no in a really somber tone. I am having my own panic because making someone uncomfortable is my biggest anxiety. I truly do not know what is going on, and I am incredibly scared that I had done something to cause this situation. It is 20 minutes back to her place with traffic of almost complete silence. I try small talk about how her classes are going and I am getting almost no response and she has gotten to the point of complete shut down. I apologize again, and she just says stop apologizing. As I’m about to pull onto her block I say “I feel like this is probably the last time we see each other, I really enjoyed getting to know you and I’m sorry that this has happened”. She responds “We were in the car too long, drop me off early here”
I literally broke down the moment she got out. I’ve never felt so horrendous in my life. She texts me within 5 minutes of the drop off this:
“I’m sorry. I joke about the guy that drove me to Philly, but it was a lot more traumatic than i let on. I shouldn’t have gone out with you because I’m not really ready to date yet. You are very sweet and very thoughtful. You’re going to make someone very happy.”
I give a polite response with the gist of its okay I understand knowing that I’ll never hear from her again.
It just feels like my biggest anxiety was hit head on and I am spiraling trying to cope with it. I haven’t been able to sleep and I have had two panic attacks with the thought that I just caused her so much anguish. My friends tell me that it’s not my fault at all and I realize that her text might suggest that. That isn’t stopping my anxiety at all and I still can’t get these thoughts out of my head. It just feels like a sign that I should just give up on dating.