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Got ghosted by a woman who works as a social worker this past weekend which I’m a bit bewildered by. Been talking for about a month and, because of busy schedules, didn’t meet up until last weekend. First date went great and she enthusiastically proposed plans for a second date this weekend gone by, then poof, weekend roles around and complete radio silence.
Maybe I shouldn’t have, but I expected a bit more compassion from someone whose entire life is counseling people through mental health problems. Hopefully her clients have a better experience than I did lol.
When you’re in a relationship but not yet living together, how do you keep your mind distracted? I see my girlfriend usually once a week, occasionally twice. I’ve started thinking that the best thing for my own piece of mind is to just not let my thoughts dwell on her so much. I need to live my life.
I keep busy during the week; I go to work, I go to the gym, I run errands, but I find that I can’t stop thinking of her and our relationship. I am an overthinker in general, so I guess the question really is how do I stop overthinking?
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Welp had to call off my exclusive situation due to too many red flags so back to square one.
I’m tired boss 😮💨.
I broke up with a person I was very in love with 2 months ago because our lives & emotional health were just not compatible. I haven’t been actively dating because I’m trying to move on. Of course, this is when the universe decides to send a very aggressive pursuer my way with a huge sexual energy. I stupidly gave in & now want to end things as they are rapidly enmeshing their life with mine despite my boundaries being very asserted from the beginning. I feel pretty rotten about it.
I was painting portraits at an art fair this weekend. Super busy all day both days. This one customer came back later, went, “are you hungry? Do you like fried chicken?” and brought me food from his restaurant nearby. Totally made my day.
My friend I was with (who’s honestly kind of a man-hater most of the time) was fully won over by that lol. I have all my customers’ numbers and she really wants me to text him. I was already going to, just to say thanks again and sorry I couldn’t chat more when you came back.
I had a little chemistry with another customer too. She came in with a huge friend group who all got portraits. She was the only one who sat for a live drawing, and we talked and she kept breaking into a smile and trying to peek at the drawing. Unfortunately she’s from out of state, but I had little butterflies the whole time.
I’m starting to get this type of uncomfortable feeling opening up the dating apps. I do get quite a bit of matches and likes, it just feels kinda depressing opening the apps… Anyone else feels this way?
One of my main requirements in a partner is someone who is consistent and reliable. Seems like a relatively simple ask, but man, some guys I’ve gone out with recently can’t meet those expectations!
Can someone please tell me it is possible to find a successful relationship? When me and my ex were dating, it was perfect! Minor yellow flags but nothing major. …and then we moved in together and it was 15 months of hell. He couldnt do dishes, I paid for 75% of dates and planned 90% of them, he prioritized video games over his work, kids, and me, etc. I finally ended things but gave him a grace period as he searched for a job. He now has a new job (much better paying too, f karma) and is moving out in a month. And every moment is hell. When his kids write on the walls, when he wants the communal $200 cabinet but will graciouslygive me the $20 tote, everything.
And im just sitting here wondering if ill ever find a truly nice guy who doesnt use me as a screw-able piggy bank? And, even if i do find him, will I ever be able to move in together?
This is hell.
Things have taken a turn. Not for the worst, but I’m unsure how to feel about it.
My gf[38] has been going through a lot with her kids. Her youngest (12) is going through a lot of mental health problems as he is also autistic and has adhd/other things while going through puberty. He has mood swings but nothing outwardly violent however there’s been a couple situations where he would scratch his face up from being upset. So, she’s been stressing a lot over that. That and the 12 and her other kid, 15, both boys, keep getting into arguments and stuff and it’s hard for her to control I guess.
She’s going through it financially too. She told me how much she makes every two weeks and how it’s barely enough to keep everything afloat. She said that she now feels like she’s dragged me into things and that she feels like an awful person, even tho she really isn’t. So, she said she wanted to set aside the romantic things and be friends for the moment while she can focus on her one kid and her financial situation.
I’m kind of unsure how to feel about this, because I had asked what friends meant and there wasn’t really a clear answer. I’m having spine surgery coming up and she said she still wanted to be there for me in that. She said she still cares deeply for me and wants to get back to things. I just don’t know how I feel about being set aside while I “wait” for her. How long is that even going to be? It makes me feel like a lost puppy or something.
I’m all for her prioritizing her kids, that’s not an issue whatsoever either. But like I said, idk how to feel about it. It’s almost kinda too messy to seem worth sticking around for. But she does seem like the rare type of person because she is so kind and sweet and loving.
talked on the phone for 90 mins with long distance crush last night, she said I could stay with her when I come visit! Feeling good about everything, even though I didn’t really have an LDR in the cards for myself, and I don’t think she did either?
We’re already chatting up in a my city versus her city kind of way (SW vs NE), wonder what this will result in? Oh well, she’s the first person in a long time I’ve felt like might come to understand me, given time? That’s a strong motivator.
As I mentioned on here a few days ago, I’ve been having a wonderful time dating the man I met two weeks ago. We’ve just started to get intimate, and to my great sadness, he seems to be dealing with a sexual trauma. It’s serious enough that he cannot stand any physical tenderness: he only wants to be choked and humiliated, and nothing more. For a first time in bed together, I thought this was pretty extreme (and I’m an adventurous lover). I wanted to be able to show him my affection and personality, and for him to show me his too, but it felt like his soul disintegrated in front of me the minute we went into his bedroom together. He tried to hide it, but I could hear him crying at some point in the night. I told him that I really like him and that I’m in no rush to continue having sex if he’s not ready yet. He seemed to appreciate that. I’m a little unsure about how to proceed because I’m old enough to know I can’t fix anyone, but the guy and I have such an amazing connection that I’m willing to stick with him and try to find a form of intimacy that works for us, for now. Though, I gotta say it, I am a little worried that I’m going to end up getting hurt.
I think I may have a fearful/avoidant attachment style. I kinda understand why, there was some past trauma. I seem to ruin everything in relationships I’m in. I have a hard time being honest with my partner, and myself, and it’s hurt people I deeply care about. I’m going to talk about this with my therapist when I see her next.
Was just wondering if anyone else here has dealt with this, and if so, what has helped?
I’ve had a crush on this one coworker for almost three years. I made friends with her, found out she had a long term boyfriend, and I backed off. That was like year 1. We exchanged numbers. And tag team quite a bit of projects at work.
I’m not pushy when it comes to women, so she doesn’t know, just still being friendly. But then there are moments when I wonder is she just being nice, or am I missing something?
Passing looks across the office. She was here before I got hired, but she’s looked out on my projects, filing in the holes that I may have missed, even made sure to order my lunch when I was off one day.
I had left something at work, and she told me ti come pick up the extra she had at her house, we only live about 10-15 minutes apart.
Idk man, the more I avoid it seems like the more I think about her. And I’m not necessarily avoiding her, but rather avoiding addressing any of these feelings.
Why do people bother making up lies? Speaking to one girl and she takes a few days to reply. Tells me she never uses the app and isn’t checking it much. I suggested a date and she said she was meeting colleagues for drinks after work and could see if I was around. Told her I’d need a more solid plan than meeting on a whim. We never did meet. But she’s since updated 4 of her pics 😂
Is there any need to say she’s not really using the app? She was the one who liked me first too. Always makes me laugh.
When should I disclose having kids from a previous marriage? I [34M] have two young kids from a marriage that ended a couple of years ago. I have been dating exclusively using dating apps for a while now, which makes this easy – it is on my profile and after someone accepts going on a first date with me I send them a message along the lines of “Im looking forward to meeting up in person, and by the way, its on my profile but just wanted to make sure you are aware I have two young kids”. It has worked pretty well for me so far.
However I have recently started to get out of my comfort zone and approaching women in person, and this is where I am getting mentally stuck. My initial reaction is to do the same thing as online: spark up a conversation, ask for her number, set up the date, then disclose before the date actually happens, but I am not sure this is the right move. Any advice?
I’m stuck in a loop. After noticing a female friend of two years might be interested in me, I in return developed a crush. We see each other so often, that it feels weird to ask her out. Like we just came back from an adventurous weekend, and I’ll see her two more time this week, only to go away for another weekend on Friday. All of this is in a group setting, but last weekend, we spent a day and a half together. I followed advice from here and didn’t bring it up, as we were basically being stuck on a mountain, just the two of us.
I really think there’s something there, but can’t bring myself to broach the subject. I’m too passive and she is somewhat unsure. She’s giving me all the signs in the book, but then it feels like she would say ‘no’ if I would ask her out. So I don’t. It feels like we both just need a few drinks and the right setting to get over both our inhibitions.
I keep waiting for the right moment to tell her, but it never really comes. There’s either other people there, or we’re on an adventure, or about to go on an adventure. And so the loop continues and I need to break through.
Later tonight I’ll shoot her the text to thank her for an awesome weekend, but should I say something more? Be honest about my feelings that it truly was a great weekend, but mostly because I spent it with her? Follow up with asking her out maybe? Is it really that bad to do it in this context?
For those who got into a healthy relationship after a string of bad dating experiences: how long did it take before you could finally relax into it? I’m in a healthy relationship now (I think and I hope), which has made me realise just how much the previous ghostings, betrayals, and blindsides have scarred me. It almost feels like I’ve developed adult-onset anxious attachment, which sucks, because I didn’t use to be this way. Luckily my partner finds my neediness endearing, but it’s definitely not so endearing living inside my head!
He’s got a job interview in another province and I’m not supposed to have feelings about it but omg do I selfishly want him to bomb it 🙃
A position opened up with my employer he’d be perfect for, he seemed into it after reading the posting, and I really hope he gets it. I don’t want to have to say goodbye yet.
Well we slept together and since then his messages have been briefer and he has been too busy to meet again. The change from the enthusiasm and effort he showed for the first 6 weeks is noticeable. I’m trying not to jump to conclusions but it’s hard not to assume he is pulling back.
This hasn’t happened to me before and wow, it’s a sucky feeling. He seemed so interested before. Am I overthinking this?
So I can see how single & married people come to not be able to communicate with each other about romance. As a formerly married person, I get frustrated with both my single & married friends for just not getting it, but assuming they do, depending on the situation.
I was talking to a married friend about a guy who was wishy washy. She was aghast, asking “how can he not know what he wants at this point,” wheras all my single friends were like “yep, guys are like that, run far away, he deserves only the worst things” (not quite that extreme, but pretty harsh) (please note I’m not suggesting it is true guys are like this, just relaying what I heard).
Then, later I was talking to a single friend about the same guy, and she was like “well, now you get how I was with this guy.” And I’m like no… I got it before. I told you, at the time, that my ex-husband went from being steady as a rock to hot and cold after a dozen years. I told you that I got it, and I was relatively stern with you that you should not put up with it, because I had been there, and I knew better from experience.
First time in a while where a guy messaged me on a dating app first! Asked me what my favorite horror movies/podcasts were, so i sent a thoughtful and well written message back to keep the conversation flowing.
Next message was him asking if I used AI to write my message because I sounded “too smart” and then proceeded to mock my answer about my favorite horror movies/podcasts.
Like….what?
The way he treats my cats makes me love him.
I feel like I’ll never meet someone after a breakup. Back on the apps and just…meh. Went on one date and it was okay, I would meet them again.
Is it normal to feel this way? We dated for 4 months and I just feel so hopeless. I wasn’t even completely sure about the relationship (lots of little yellow flags).
Is duet a good app? My co worker wants me to try it out because she has met guys on there. However I’m a little hesitant so we’ll see
Been struggling with feeling extremely lonely lately. Just remembering when I was 23 and would go on online dates after work… now I’m 33 and I’m still doing that expect I feel super lonely now. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I can’t seem to find a relationship. I had 2 short term relationships at 21 and 25 but that’s it. I started a new job recently and it makes me sad when everyone talks about their partner.. why can’t I have that. It feels more and more out of reach everyday. Don’t know what to do.
Think I’m entering another hibernation phase where I just don’t desire intimacy at all. Hope this one lasts for years too and I don’t poke my head up again until 40 after becoming a master weaver or something cool. I dated 3 people, had an awful time, I tried.
Guy I’ve been dating for almost 2 months has significantly been texting less and less. I feel like I have to initiate hang outs and dates but when we are in person, he’s very attentive and affectionate like normal. I’m so confused and my anxious attachment is flaring up.
I’m so thankful for Fall and the changing of the seasons! Having a stagnant love life makes me feel like time is standing still, like I’ve been in this season of life forever – so the weather & aesthetic shift is a welcome change of pace. Reminds me life is moving forward, and change is always just around the corner.
I swear to god men get one iota of power and use that to prey on women
Maybe not the space to ask since I’m not keen on the idea of trying to broach anything, but I’ve had a small crush on my barber for a long time and it’s recently been evolving into a big crush. I’m worried it’s started to come out in our interactions, and the last thing I want to do is make her uncomfortable. I’m confident she enjoys my company, but this a context that kind of brute forces a relationship that might not have existed organically, and it’s one that likely feels far more personal for me as the client. I can’t follow-up on these romantic urges for obvious reasons and, frankly, I don’t want to ruin the trust between us by doing something untoward. I wasn’t sure if any of you had some perspective; I enjoy having her as my barber, I respect her first and foremost, and feel both very silly and very guilty about these feelings I’m having.
30M, haven’t dated in well over a decade. I recently I decided to put myself back out there and actually got set up with a friend of a friend. We went on a coffee date this weekend and I thought it went great! We chatted for nearly 4 hours, I really enjoyed our conversation, and overall I felt like I knocked it out of the park. Aaand then I texted her the following day and she politely declined a second date. Said she just wasn’t feeling a spark.
Like, what??? How do you chat with someone for 4 hours, be smiling and laughing, and then turn around and say you’re not feeling it? I’m not even mad, just confused. I can see now how repeated rejections or failed relationships can take a toll on you and make you doubt yourself.
Oh well. I’m not losing any sleep over it. Especially for my first date in 10+ years, my only goals going into it were to have fun and have a good conversation, which we did. But I can’t help but feel like I’m now staring down the barrel of the absolute dumpster fire that is modern dating. Welcome to the meat grinder, I suppose. 🙃
What is something a date, partner, lover, or ex has said to you that affected you deeply?