I My wife (28f), a gospel singer, and I (32m) have been together since 2016 and have two kids. In 2017, I made a mistake and had an affair. When my wife found out, she left and traveled 2000km to her daddy place. After one month, she started a relationship with another man,2 month then i had to move on and got back to my AP since she called me and told me that i can marry since she will be married and that it was over btn us.after 4 month her relationship ended She then came back, but found that I had already gotten my affair partner pregnant. Since I loved my wife, I ended the relationship with my affair partner and she asked me to raise the girl after being born. We then started our life together."
In 2024, my wife was recording a live worship and praise event, and I supported her to make it happen. After the event, she came to me crying and asked for forgiveness. Since we had a tendency to tell each other the truth, she told me she had started developing feelings for another man. She asked me to help her get over the feeling, and admitted she even wished our marriage was over. I felt pain, but I tried to help her by caring for her even more. I asked what had made her fall for this other man so I could fix things. She told me she was attracted to his neat dressing and fit body, while I had developed a little obesity. She told me to fix my body and wear more attractive clothes."
A year passed, and another issue came up: she started being secretive with her phone. I discovered she had a hidden message on WhatsApp. I managed to unlock her phone and found secret chats with an affair partner who was also her business partner. Their relationship had been going on for a month. In those chats, I saw two weeks of texts detailing how they spent time together, including outings and dinners. She praised the man's body and said he was smart. What surprised me most was that my wife asked the man how he felt about their kiss, saying she felt emotional and that they should meet in a secret place and do it. The man was ready, and they planned a day to meet while I was traveling. Since my travel plans fell through, they scheduled another day after a Sunday church service. My wife planned to tell me she was going somewhere else so they could meet."
From then on, I monitored her phone with an app that accessed the camera and sound. The next day, they met, shared a romantic kiss, and hugged for 30 minutes. As I watched, the man drove my wife home on his motorcycle, dropping her off near our house, just as he always did. That night, my wife told me she didn't understand my lifestyle, saying we weren't progressing fast enough. I told her to trust me, pointing out how far we'd come. We started with nothing and now had a house, a car, and three kids in an international school. I was in so much pain that I couldn't sleep for the third night in a row."
The next day, the day they planned to meet in the evening, my wife came to me crying and begged me, telling me everything that had happened between her and the man. I told her I already knew because I had seen her texts. She said she was sorry and asked for forgiveness, which I gave her. She broke up with the man and quit her job. When I asked her why she fell for him, she said he cared for her most and showed her romantic signs that led to the kiss and the start of the relationship. I was still hurt. I had been with her for more than 12 years and never had a relationship with anyone else, so I couldn't understand why she would. It was hard to help her get over him. I kept seeing her checking his WhatsApp status and messages, and she kept telling me about the moments they had together. It broke me to see her one-month relationship was stronger than ours. So I kept helping her by caring for her more and more so she could forget the man. Now, a month later, I see she has made progress and isn't thinking about her affair partner."
Two weeks passed. I left the house, taking all of my belongings, and texted her about how I felt about her doing this repeatedly. I told her I would keep paying for the kids' school fees and all other necessary bills. I then checked the phone camera on the app to see how she reacted when she woke up. When she played voice notes from the phone. She started crying and running around the house, asking God to bring me back, saying she couldn't live without me. After two hours of crying, she called her sister and asked her to call me. Her sister found my phone offline and reported back to her. She kept crying and sending me voice notes about how she felt. As I continued watching her, she took a knife and many tablets to hurt herself. At that point, I had to call her, fix things, and come back home."
The issue I am having is that sometimes I lose trust in her and think she will cheat again. Do you have any advice?"
TL;DR :
• I (32M) and wife (28F) married with 3 kids we both cheated in past.
• Wife repeatedly develops feelings/affairs with other men (business partner most recently).
• I discovered secret chats, meetings, and physical intimacy.
• Wife confessed, begged forgiveness, quit job, but I still hurt and distrustful.
• I fears cycle will repeat