I (28m) recently turned someone down who asked me out, after texting for a couple of days. This was a first for me, because I never rejected someone before this, so seeing her reaction was quite interesting. One of the things that stuck with me was that she was looking for a SO and how I was rejecting a potential partner without a good reason. IMO nobody needs a "good" reason to reject someone in general, but this got me thinking.

I think I don't really care about being in a relationship or finding a SO. It isn't like that I never want to be in a relationship or that I would never date people with this in mind, but its not something I'm actively working towards. I also don't casually date people, even though I think I probably could have some "success" in that regard, but I don't see the point. This just left me with the idea, that in order for me to be interested in dating someone, I need to like them first. Which sounds really obvious, but I feel like this might not be that common in the era of dating apps. Nevertheless, the result of this is that I only dated a handful of people and never had a serious relationship, However, I don't feel pressured to find someone soon out of the fear that I get left behind, like some people do.

I don't know… am I just coping about the fact that I'm single and should start to work on my mindset? Is dating experience so valuable that I'm not prepared once I find someone I'm actually interested in? What do you people think?


8 comments

  1. Maybe you just haven’t met someone you seriously like so that’s why you feel this way? Also it could just be what you said that if you don’t want a relationship then you’re not going to actively want that and pursue it and that’s okay.

  2. Look at it like this. Are you comfortable not finding anyone later in life? Would you be okay being single for your entire life?

    I see a lot of comments here saying they didn’t date in their 20s and are lonely at 40 and now decided they want to date and are finding it very hard.

    But they are in a dating sub, I’ve met single guys at 40 who seem to be living life large. This isn’t something we can answer for you, you just need to ask yourself if you’d be okay having no dating experience later in life. People who say “it happens when you’re not looking” are usually wrong, it doesn’t for everyone. It might for you, but it’s not a guarantee. Most people who get into a relationship are those failing over and over again.

    I’m not trying to scare you i’m just telling you what others say on this sub all the time, it also isn’t a death knell for them, it’s just something that makes it harder.

    Good luck!

  3. You are discerning, and won’t waste your time dating just to date. That’s a good thing. I wish more men were like you. 

  4. I think it’s important to know the reason why you don’t want to pursue a relationship with someone you’ve dated. Mostly just because there is *a* reason, and it’s a good idea to be able to actually understand your own thoughts.

    If you ever do wind up pursuing a relationship, this is an important skill for effectively communicating with a partner. You won’t be able to navigate off of vibes indefinitely.

  5. Relationships are a commitment. Not everyone is ready for one. There may be more journeys you’d like to take and enjoy single while you can. Some people make having a partner their identity and lose themselves too soon without getting to know who they are. Plus you don’t have to deal with all the bullshit that can come with dating, like being cheated on, used, abused, shitty future in laws, obligations, etc. You may just need some time to truly find your person, and that doesn’t have to be now. You don’t need a partner to survive this life. It can be helpful but it’s not a necessity.

    I think it’s a good thing you can recognize this. I’m honestly the same way. I don’t think I’ll be in a relationship for years to come. You’re more normal than you think. It’s the people who are desperate for a partner that should be asking themselves these reflective questions.

    You’re all good

  8. Some people are just more lone wolves than others.

    I’m a companion. I don’t enjoy doing life alone. Everything is better with a partner. A best friend and lover. But thats just me.

    I don’t mind the sacrifices you make to be with someone else. I actually love them.

    Others don’t want to have to bother. They don’t want to live that partner life. They want the freedom to do what they want, when they want. Privacy. Alone time. Being their own top priority.

    And there’s nothing wrong with that, as long as they are honest about it. And don’t string anyone else along with false promises and future faking.

    Not everyone craves being part of a couple. Just do what you want.

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