I had about 3 whiskey glasses on my own throughout the night. Still fed the kids dinner, played with the littles a bit (possibly a bit more passionately since I was buzzed), packed my work lunch for the next day.. Generally a good Sunday with the wife, no big fights recently or anything.
After the kids went to bed and the wife was talking a shower I was just drinking my 3rd glass and listening to music and enjoying the few minutes of peace.
Then came on "Monsters" by James blunt. For context, my dad died when I was 18yo, and I always wished I learned how to be a man in this world from him because I did respect him a lot, but felt like I missed my chance. Then I heard the lyrics of this song and I started tearing and sobbing because I just wished I had one more conversation with my dad, I miss him so much.
But my wife came it from hearing me cry and asked if I was in pain or just being emotional. I told her I'm fine, that I was just thinking about my dad and that she's fortunate she still has her parents and that's great. I cuddle tell she was annoyed.
She quickly took my glass away, she dumped the whiskey out, set herself up on the couch and said she could tell she won't get any sleep if she stays in the bedroom.
Am I misinterpreting, or did I first hand experience a woman not giving a shit about me because it made her feel like I was weak and she got the ick? It sure felt that way
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>Am I misinterpreting, or did I first hand experience a woman not giving a shit about me because it made her feel like I was weak and she got the ick?
I’m sorry buddy. Welcome to the club.
Is it possible she was disgusted by the drinking rather than the crying? I (married for 8 years) appreciate it when my husband opens up enough to cry so I can support him, but if it happened in the context of 3 whiskies consumed alone I’d be very worried about the drinking and likely retreat to another room to avoid confrontation in the moment. Rather than assume what’s going on, have a calm sober conversation about it within the next couple of days.
Unfortunately many women see our existence expressions of emotion as weak. However, give it some time. Do not make snap decisions of others when you are tired and inebriated. See first what tomorrow brings. You can do this. One step at a time!
Sounds more like she thinks you were drunk and letting the alcohol overwhelm you… Which I’d absolutely see in this situation.
She chose to give you space.
Talk to her about it. Tell her you felt like she was angry at you for crying. She’ll probably tell you it was the Whiskey she wasn’t thrilled about.
That’s just how I’m reading it, of course.
Are you done for? Find out instead of asking strangers on Reddit. And why wouldn’t she get any sleep if she stayed in the bedroom?
Do you normally drink, or is it unusual? It doesn’t sound like “a lot” overall, but if this is nightly amount, maybe she is concerned about that. Is it close to when he died? Without knowing you all more, it’s hard to say what upset her. I hope she’s just having her own emotional issue that made her shut down on you. If it was me, I’d want to be supportive if you needed it, but wouldn’t do something like sleep in another room to not have to engage my partner that was clearly upset.
in korea man drink soju by himself in the forest and yell at the sky. i guess OP’s predicament is why.
Assuming you don’t make a habit of this, yeah, she’s being a dick.
Having an emotional moment over memories shouldn’t be a problem.
If you’re breaking down four nights a week over things that happened ten years ago get some help, but having a private cry over a lost loved one is fine.
I’d be gearing up for a serious conversation.
None of us know your wife so you’re going to have to talk to her instead of strangers on the internet. It seems very weird for something like that to mess up an otherwise healthy, normal relationship.
As other people have said maybe she was upset about the drinking more than you being a human being and having emotions. That seems like quite a reach in a vacuum. Don’t listen to the miserable randoms on the internet telling you having emotions is evil or whatever. If your wife is seriously that petty get some damn counseling cuz that is not normal.
Probably thought you were drunk, and given the situation could very well see it looking like that without your explanation.
Talk to her, tell her you’re not drunk and even if you are a little more buzzed than you think you are, you got caught up in a song that made you think of your late father. Music has a way to draw out emotions like that with some people. Hell listen to Fade in/Fade out by Nothing More or better yet watch their music video, if you are even remotely close to your father it’ll bring out some emotions. Movies and books can do the same. Want to see a grown man ball his eye’s out, put on Marley and Me or hand him a copy of Where the Red Ferns Grow…
Emotions make you human. Unless you are known to be a super emotional drunk, tell her what you posted here.
You experienced your wife mistake your genuine sadness and pain for a drunken sob. There’s some missing context here right?
PS that song can make anyone cry. I’ve still got both parents and it makes me bawl. If you combined it with the music video I’m done for.
That’s a real shitty response from her, sorry to say. You didn’t ‘fail’ by being emotionally vulnerable in front of her (if you can’t in front of your wife, who can you show your emotions to?)
Only thing I wonder is, she seemed to go straight to ‘I’m sleeping on the sofa’. Is this a regular response when you’re drinking? Has she any reason to do that?
And this is why men don’t open up with their emotions lmao. In my opinion, you had a few and a heartfelt moment with a memory that still tugs on your heart. Based on what you wrote, she came in and got the ick from you being “weak” that’s exactly how I’d interpret that as well. I’m sorry man, it sucks. There’s some room for you at the back of the club
Oof. I can see how that would be upsetting.
No, you’re not ‘done for’.
My read is that she was not expecting to find you having… emotions, and didn’t know how to deal with that in the moment.
First of all, please know that you deserve to be sad. We’re never ready to lose our parents, and that grief never goes away. Having a good cry releases that grief in the healthiest way.
So.
First things first. You need to talk to your wife. Ask her how that scene made her feel, open up about your emotions at that time. If nothing else, you need to have space to experience those emotions. She may be feeling overwhelmed with emotional support being added to her list of tasks, which can come across as her being uncomfortable with, and dismissing your emotions.
Being in touch with our emotions is not how we’re raised, which is a terrible shame. It’s like the only emotions we’re allowed to have are joy and anger, anything else must be kept under wraps.
The problem is that when we keep all our emotions bottled up, they’re going to come out anyway they can. And when the only way we can express grief, insecurity, etc. is through anger… That’s not great either.
Consider therapy, as a way to connect with your emotions more. For a look at what that may look like, watch Cinema Therapy on YouTube – They’re a couple of guys who discuss movies from their viewpoints, as a therapist and as someone who goes through therapy.
I’m sorry about your dad. I wish we’d both had more time with them.
It sucks but no matter how much they claim that they want men to be willing to cry etc. when it actually happens they always react poorly. Sent my wife a sappy text about how much I love her when I was tipsy and depressed. Later saw she was telling her friend how pathetic I was for saying things like that while crying. Never. Fucking. Again.
It’s ridiculous but the only negative emotion that doesn’t get us looked down on is anger. Quietly cry in a corner and you’re pathetic, but raging and shouting into the void is acceptable so long as you don’t touch anyone.
She probably thought you were drunk
How often do you drink?
Have you in the past kept her up when you’ve drank? This sounds like experience.
She reacted in a horribly callous way but it gives off the stink of someone who has been through this before. What happened last time you were drunk on whiskey?
If the answer to the above is “it’s never happened” then ask her directly what she meant by not getting any sleep tonight?
She was hurt that you were drinking. That’s it.
*Talk to her* when you’re sound of mind. She’s upset because she gives a shit about you.
I think she thought you were drunk and crying because of that rather than it just being about your dad.
Is drinking 3 + whiskeys a regular night occasion or was this a “treat” is she aware of your history with your dad? This kind of reminds me of the guy with the wire metaphor with his wife .
Either way, you’ll want to check in when you’re sober.
Sounds like your wife was done with you, regardless. She acted extremely inappropriately for the situation at hand, but without bigger context in regard to your drinking habits it is hard to say for sure. I mean if you do not have any larger issues (sounds like you do not) she seems with exhausted, with everything “you”.
Both my wife and I cry from that song. Its sad af.
Sounds like yall don’t communicate well.
I lost my dad at 16. He taught me its ok to have emotions. Couldn’t imagine feeling shame for a cry from my own wife. She would have just added ice cubes to that last glass and talked to me about it what was bothering me.
That’s such a weird reaction from her. Completely not cool
Key words are her dumping your alcohol. If that’s a habit you need to solve it with her
Would need more context and history.
On the surface she was lacking compassion.
Do you often drink three glasses of hard liquor and get melancholy?
The fact that she commented she wasn’t getting any sleep makes me think this, or something similar has happened in the last. When you over consume do you snore, sweat and get up to pee a lot.
Or do you toss and turn and then want sex?
As an adult, when I was still working, Sunday’s are sacred. Getting ready for the week.
Talk to her. Talk to a therapist. Nobody likes a weepy drunk.
Context is the big thing here. If this is like the first time it’s happened then she’s being a dick especially given what you were thinking about. That said it could be she’s shocked from rarely seeing you like that and didn’t know how to handle it. You’ll have to have the conversation to figure that one out.
If you’re constantly getting half cut and having a cryin’ jag (a local term from my area that refers to when people get half cut and start thinking about the past and bawling) then this is probably nothing new to her and just annoying. Still not a great response. Based on the way you’re talking though this seems to be a one off.
Did you used to have issues with alcohol? How often do you drink now and when you do does this kind of thing happen?
I ask, because my wife still drinks and she gets annoying and sometimes I have to manage her. I hate. There were a lot of alcohol-related issues we had to work through, but she can’t seem to let drinking go. And it fucking sucks, tbh.
Sounds like she was less concerned about the emotional outbreak and more concerned with you being drunk.