I have been struggling with this for years and still do not have it figured out, and I need to make a final decision as to whether I should just not date anymore.
I am very much NOT the type of man who wants the "provider" role. I almost solely date via apps since I meet almost no one organically anymore. This makes it feel that much worse, because I could see a situation where I meet a woman IRL, feel a connection, and want to pursue her a bit. But a stranger from an app? Why am I paying just to meet and see if I'm interested?
In the end I am fine with paying for a relatively inexpensive date or two (I now do drinks maximum for a first date, coffee preferably) but even in paying for those, I'm setting the precedent that I will likely continue to foot the bill long-term. I get that discussions can be had about money, but that looks pretty tacky after 2 dates, and I'm so fed up that it's not even worth it to me, I'd rather just disappear.
I did some research and most surveys still find that men are typically spending way more on their relationship than their significant other is, and it is just insane to me. I'm told that women typically contribute in other ways besides money, and they list things like cooking, cleaning, child care, etc… Things that many women in 2025 are opting out of entirely. At best, these are things that only come to fruition after moving in together and/or getting married, which means the man investing financially for at least a year or two before getting basically any contribution in return. I have not benefitted from any of these things aside from a handful of meals cooked for me in 15+ years of dating.
In the end I have to blame men for the current state of things, because they are not only allowing it but many apparently ENJOY being used financially. Men who WANT to pay… why? How does having less money in your bank account while her balance goes up make you feel like more of a man? It's 2025, most women my age make similar if not more money than I do, and have WAY more expensive taste. It's not only that I'm going out and paying $150 for 2 dinners, I actually would have spent like $20 max if I had gone out by myself. I've tried asking a question on dating apps along the lines of "Let's say we are out at dinner on our third date, who is paying?"… This has gone over about as well as you'd imagine lol. Any other suggestions?