Hello,
This is my first time ever posting on Reddit about relationship stuff so I’m a bit nervous. To elaborate on my title, my bf (28M) of 2 years cheated on me by attempting to sext a random person (most likely a bot considering he almost scammed). He told me almost immediately after but not as quickly as he should have. I am conflicted because this is completely out of character for him and we live together in his house.
I find what he did to be a giant violation of trust and extremely hurtful. Since he did it (on Friday so 2 days ago) he has been doing everything to try and apologize. It is really weird because he is sleeping on the couch but we have pets together so we are splitting up our pet chores somewhat normally.
I have been in therapy for a very long time and he has just started therapy again. He started looking for couples therapy for us which I appreciate but I’m still uneasy. He wrote me a letter note this morning explaining his actions and why he did what he did. Obviously there is no excuse and he knows that but I wanted to him to truly think on why he did it and not just because he was horny and gave in to his impulses. It seems that he was feeling built up resentment towards me and didn’t communicate that to me. Instead he let it all build and build and as he said he then “blew it all up on the one mistake that made me lose you”. So much of our lives are intertwined together since we live together and have many pets that I’m really struggling. I do not see him cheating as something wrong with me, it is fully obvious to me that he is feeling deeply insecure and self-sabotaged. However, I guess I am trying to just get advice on this would be something that we could overcome?
I can see both paths clearly and the hurdles for both. I have discussed this with my therapist but am looking for additional thoughts. I know for many cheating is an immediate no and I think normally I would agree. I think because it is him that I’m conflicted because he is a genuinely nice person (except for this behavior) who goes out of his way to help everyone. Honestly, as my sister so gracefully put it “he’s just an idiot” lol.
It did make me feel a little bit better that his family is very disappointed in him.
Thank you.