I’ve really been struggling with my social skills, and it affects me a lot emotionally. I’m 20, and I spent most of my life at home because my mom was super overprotective and sheltered me. Because of that, I feel like I can’t show my real personality to anyone unless it’s someone I’ve known since childhood. The only people I feel comfortable with are my friend from 3rd grade and my boyfriend, who I met in middle school.
I actually love talking and want to make friends, but I feel boring. The only things I really talk about are stuff I see online, like the news, or taking care of my little sister (I’m her full time caretaker). Recently, this 23 year old girl stayed at my house for a few days before moving into her apartment, and she was so fun and talkative. We could talk for hours, but it was always her leading the conversation. I’d usually just say “haha oh okay” and then smile, and it would go silent. When I try to talk or relate, it feels forced. If I ask questions, it feels random. I hate it because I can tell I don’t seem interesting, and then I end up oversharing and making it awkward.
This happens with everyone new I meet. I’ve been in college for 2 years and haven’t made a single meaningful connection because I’m so quiet. I see people talk in such a fun, trendy way, and I even know all the slang from being online all the time, but when I try to use it in real conversations, it feels forced. With people I’m comfortable with, I can be myself and joke around, but with everyone else it’s like I’m trapped in a shell. Maybe it’s an identity crisis, but I honestly don’t even know who I am anymore, and it’s suffocating.