This is something I’ve been struggling with a lot. I’ve (29F) been with my partner (30M) for almost a year and am realizing even though he’s quite lovely and I like spending time with him we are quite different in some ways. I think it comes down to life goals I feel like people who want families sometimes brush aside similarities for the purpose of a greater goal. For me it’s more important to have a solid friendship and foundation with your partner especially if you’re both questioning kids.
But yeah my main gripe is that I feel like at times he has very narrow interests and his main hobby is different from mine (he likes video games and I like books). As a result I have spent way less time reading this year because he likes to game. I’m trying to get him to accept I’ll want to read at certain times so I read around him more but I can tell he gets a bit bored when I’m not doing something with him or talking to him. He wasn’t the strongest academic student growing up so his lack of intellectual curiosity sometimes makes for a lack in deep conversations and disregard for intellectual pursuits. Idk if that makes sense. I’m always interested in learning new languages or new skills and he doesn’t really have that same drive.
My household was also very disciplined where as I can tell his parents did not necessarily instill discipline in him. He doesn’t see the value in doing things that don’t spike his immediate interests or in putting more effort into certain life areas like cooking if that makes sense.
How much are hobbies a dealbreaker for you?
Also while yes my partner isn’t my main source of companionship I have friends he is the person I spend the most time with. I don’t want to give up time spent on my main hobby just because it’s not his main interest.
I also want to be aware that I’m not being too picky because the grass isn’t always greener. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who checked all the hobby boxes but was an asshole for instance or where sex wasn’t good.