Sorry this will be a long post bc it literally just happened less than an hour ago and I am feeling every emotion in the rainbow. I have been dating my (now ex) bf for about a year. It has been a very roller coaster ride to say the least, with lots of wonderful highs and a lot of horrible lows. The lows surrounded his ex gf. I have never met her but she works w him (albeit in different departments). I will admit I am an insecure and jealous person, but I just felt in my gut that something was up. First of all, he called her the love of his life and when she broke up with him, he was depressed for over a year. He calls her manipulative and controlling and narcissistic so my impression of her isn’t positive. I fully recognize that some men still are friends with their exes and given that she was there before me, I wasn’t going to be the type of girl who would be you can’t see her. But I could see how much she influenced him. Whenever she would call, he picked up right away. Whenever she called him to come over and fix her shower, he would go right away, just like a puppy. Even to the point where it felt like he prioritized her over me so I broke it off with him. Then he comes back and begs to get back together under the premise that he’s told his ex that they couldn’t be friends anymore and so I give it another shot. But yup the ghost of the ex reappears. She calls him at odd hours like 11pm and it’s not like she calls, sees he’s not picking up and leaves a message. Nope, she calls incessantly as if it was some major emergency. I again break it off w him. 5 months later he somehow manages to slide in my DMs and asks for another shot. Says that he hasn’t talked to his ex in 5 months and that he’s def through. We are currently in Miami for a getaway and I was so looking forward to it. Asked for time away from work, prepped weeks in advice, was so looking forward to it. But then as we were getting ready to turn to bed after a long travel day, ex calls incessantly again. That’s when he tells me oh I started talking to her again a month ago. It was through work at first then we became friends again. I felt so stupid. I packed my shit and left. I feel like he lied to me by omitting that he was talking to her again (he says that he didn’t lie bc he indeed hadn’t talked to her for 5 months). He also said that I was over reacting and being dramatic. I am very impulsive and when I see red I just feel hurt and just wanted to leave. I feel like maybe I overreacted and should learn to talk things out. That’s what a mature person would do I suppose. He has huge abandonment issues and I want to be the one that stays but I just feel like I’m not prioritized and that I’m third wheeling in my own relationship. Why am I never enough??
TLDR; AITH for abruptly breaking up w bf who has been talking to his ex and refuses to stop a friendship w her even if im uncomfortable!? Should I have talked it out and given chance to explain?
4 comments
TLDR, no. That’s way more stressful than it should ever be for a relationship to flourish. Exes be exes, in all fashions. When you decided to bring him back, she should’ve been out of the picture. If he can’t ensure that, regardless of the scenario, there’s no way you two could’ve grown, imo.
First of all why did we bring the ex back into the picture. They are ex for a reason right
You’re not the asshole, learn from his shitty example and keep your ex out of your life completely. Block him everywhere and give yourself the time alone to heal. Then you’ll be able to give your full energy to someone else who actually deserves it
Sounds like he was seeing her again each time or being used by her and then to when it turned south he came looking for you as a backup so he wouldn’t be alone. Best to leave him be and move on.