34 year old with no friends starting to struggle with loneliness.
September 6, 2025
Hi after my marriage broke down, I realized I’ve put my life on hold to be a family man, I have 0 friends and would love to chat to people even if it’s online. How would a guy my age make new friendships?
44 comments
Respectfully, You need hobbies
Get some hobbies
You get friends, now what are you gonna do?
Play a game.
Download discord.
Join a gym.
Join a club.
Join a hobby group.
Join a church.
Go fishing and just talk to people.
Lots of different things you can do, just need to take the first step
Happened to me after I left a 10 year relationship. I realized that I had completely isolated myself (with the help of a narcissistic ex) and my friends had moved on. Where are you located? Would be good to start with hobbies maybe a sport or join a book club and go from there. I started playing football (soccer) again and have started gaining friends like that. Now, nearly 10 years on, I have a network of people that check in on me and I can call to them to say hello as well.
Welcome to the mass of married couples who find excuses not to socialize.
Just put yourself out there and THIS TIME when you make friends make sure you stay in touch and at least effortful enough to keep the connection if you find a new partner.
Your “friends” aren’t there just when you struggle. That’s convenience not friendship.
I toss those people.
I know several married guys who are depressed because they got swallowed in their wife’s life and choices.
When I was married I made a concerted effort to have dinner and/or events with friends whether she was with me or not.
When things ended I still had most of those people in my life. 1 day a week to stay in direct contact is both manageable and healthy. If you wife has issue with this it’s a ticking time bomb
Hobbies hobbies hobbies! Leadership groups, social action groups/charity. Nothing is better for the soul than donating your time to help others and you meet good people. The confidence that comes with feeling good attracts friends and lovers.
Hobbies and go outside to events even if its by yourself
35yo father of 2 here, and moved a few years ago 8hrs from my home town. Dont really have any friends anymore. I game( Xbox and Switch 2), workout 5 days a week and read manga’s as my hobbies.
There is a cool app called Time Left that pairs you with groups of people a couple of times a month for dinner at a local restaurant. I’ve been thinking of doing it. Seems fun.
Get really into chess ♟️
Where you from ? 🙂
There was a conspiracy that took place… and all my close friends decided to get married and have kids at the same time! I essentially ended up with no close social interaction, ok they were still ‘there’ but it wasn’t the same.
What I tried was an app called Meetup (varying success, here in my town a lot of the popular groups were mostly just full of just dudes looking for dates) but I found a board game group that were really cool, as well as a reading group that meet once a month. Your mileage will vary depending on where you live, but I’d check that out for a start.
I also started volunteering for the canal and river trust, that has been *so cool* as I love being outdoors anyway, what interests you?
It’s tougher to meet new people, moreso make new friends nearing 40 in my experience – but there are avenues to try. It can feel a bit like looking for your keys, the harder you look, the worse you feel about not being able to find them. You’re not alone though brother, I promise you! Just start putting yourself out there
Most suggestions here are good, just keep in mind that it will likely take time and you might also have a few bad interactions. Rebuilding a social circle in your 30s is tough, ngl.
If you have kids, then I have found there are some dads and moms at the school I might get along with. Made a few friends that way
This is why I always say to people, don’t let your spouse become your only friend. You need to continue to nurture friendships and not let them slip by the wayside. Too many guys do the “my wife is my only friend” thing like they have to do that, only to find themselves in this spot.
OP, maybe look for a [meetup.com](http://meetup.com) group in your area? In the short term, find a hobby you like and search for a Discord about it?
i feel ya. down to chat if you ever need to just yap
Loneliness is a gateway to absolute freedom. You just have to go through it and not run away.
You can volunteer for something you enjoy, you can join a league for whatever tournament. You can learn an instrument/sing/dance.
After my breakup I started attending a boxing gym, I’ve been there for two years and have made a lot of new friends. Start doing something new and consistently that you enjoy, around others that also enjoy it.
Same boat here man (38). I’m from the UK, she’s from NZ. We met working out on Saudi Arabia. I sold up in the UK and moved here to New Zealand.
Got married, had two kids and now we’re separated. I never really made my own friends as I fell into her crowd. Now I’m lonely as fuck unless I have my kids at the weekend.
Let’s start with this. What are your interests?
You didn’t put your life on hold. Your family is and was your life. You can’t do both at the same time.
So go and enjoy yourself. Catch up with old friends, find a few hobbies, and go out more instead of staying indoors.
Like the lottery. You have to be in it to win it.
With this, you have to be out there to be seen, etc
I’m down to be your friend! I’m almost a decade younger than you but in very much the same position in my life.
I find it rough as well. I think just sayin some of the stuff you like to do may help. Me i love comics and have since ive been four so 40 years ago. Love sci fi and end of the world movies and such.
Hobbies, volunteering, join a local bowling or pool league. Adult learning classes. Church.
You need to put yourself out there and participate.
Online friends can be fun but they’re no replacement for human interaction. The key is common interests. Join a club or organization focused on something you enjoy. Take a class on something that interests you. Join a church if you’re religiously inclined. Do volunteer work for a cause that matters to you. Check out book groups at your local bookstore. In each case you’re going to be around people that are interested in the same things you are.
Serve others. Volunteer at a soup kitchen/food bank/shelter/your kids school or sports teams.
Join a golf club. Or tennis club, or gym, or church.
You need hobbies man. It’s a great way to meet people.
Drinking at the bar isn’t a hobbie but it’s a way too
Find what you like. It’s easier said than done. Just do stuff until you find 2-3 solid hobbies that you enjoy. Do them in a routine at the same places and times and you’ll see the same people over and over that have the same routine. Then you talk to those people.
I feel for you. Idk why some of us tend to do that. I started playing a sport and made some friends. Not like solid friendships but friends. Have people to talk to. You can try hobbies that involve others. You can also reach out to us online stranger friends. Just dont give up.
Join a dart league or some other casual sport. Great way to make casual friends. Some may turn into great friends.
Join a hobby group or a sports club. Or do an evening class and learn a language. Learning languages in groups is good because you HAVE to talk to each other and generally get to know people quite well.
Or, start a cult. It’s worked for other people in the past… That’s all I’m saying.
Go to the gym, right now. Some of the most valuable relationships I’ve built in life have come from meeting people at the gym.
I’ve met genuinely good people from all walks of life, veterans, aerospace engineers, pilots, pro bodybuilders, to reformed criminals. Multimillionaires with Ferraris and lambos, to top high school athletes. The gym is the ultimate equalizer for all men. In the gym, your background doesn’t matter.
It will be the best decision you’ve ever made!
What are your personal interests? You need to join a gym with group classes. Take some golf lessons and join a local men’s league. Play pickleball and join a local organization. Play volleyball, join a local group.
I made a ton of new friends in my mid-30s by getting into fitness. Join a run club or something similar
what do you like doing? what did you like before you met your ex?
I stopped having friends when I had my first kid. Crazy how everyone vanishes. I’ll chat/play game with you bro.
What are you into? If everyday was Saturday, and you never had to go to work again. What would you like to do with your time? I say connect with people who have similar interests. There are communities for every interest. Time to find yours.
Respectfully, you need to be interesting
At least you’re not 40 with zero friends and you’re married with a family
Online games and work friends. Or the boys chat discord is what ive got left.
Wait another 10 years and you’ll want the peace and quiet less connections. Thats where I am anyway.
If you would like to chat about comics or movies or video games or boxing , shoot me a DM. Business too, I suppose.
But don’t be afraid of being a lone wolf.
You play any PC games?
Check if they were meet up groups in your area. That’s a nice way to meet people based on different interests. Other than that, go out and go to events. Like around here there are a lot of art and culture events but you can choose events that interest you.
44 comments
Respectfully, You need hobbies
Get some hobbies
You get friends, now what are you gonna do?
Play a game.
Download discord.
Join a gym.
Join a club.
Join a hobby group.
Join a church.
Go fishing and just talk to people.
Lots of different things you can do, just need to take the first step
Happened to me after I left a 10 year relationship. I realized that I had completely isolated myself (with the help of a narcissistic ex) and my friends had moved on. Where are you located? Would be good to start with hobbies maybe a sport or join a book club and go from there. I started playing football (soccer) again and have started gaining friends like that. Now, nearly 10 years on, I have a network of people that check in on me and I can call to them to say hello as well.
Welcome to the mass of married couples who find excuses not to socialize.
Just put yourself out there and THIS TIME when you make friends make sure you stay in touch and at least effortful enough to keep the connection if you find a new partner.
Your “friends” aren’t there just when you struggle. That’s convenience not friendship.
I toss those people.
I know several married guys who are depressed because they got swallowed in their wife’s life and choices.
When I was married I made a concerted effort to have dinner and/or events with friends whether she was with me or not.
When things ended I still had most of those people in my life. 1 day a week to stay in direct contact is both manageable and healthy. If you wife has issue with this it’s a ticking time bomb
Hobbies hobbies hobbies! Leadership groups, social action groups/charity. Nothing is better for the soul than donating your time to help others and you meet good people. The confidence that comes with feeling good attracts friends and lovers.
Hobbies and go outside to events even if its by yourself
35yo father of 2 here, and moved a few years ago 8hrs from my home town. Dont really have any friends anymore. I game( Xbox and Switch 2), workout 5 days a week and read manga’s as my hobbies.
There is a cool app called Time Left that pairs you with groups of people a couple of times a month for dinner at a local restaurant. I’ve been thinking of doing it. Seems fun.
Get really into chess ♟️
Where you from ? 🙂
There was a conspiracy that took place… and all my close friends decided to get married and have kids at the same time! I essentially ended up with no close social interaction, ok they were still ‘there’ but it wasn’t the same.
What I tried was an app called Meetup (varying success, here in my town a lot of the popular groups were mostly just full of just dudes looking for dates) but I found a board game group that were really cool, as well as a reading group that meet once a month. Your mileage will vary depending on where you live, but I’d check that out for a start.
I also started volunteering for the canal and river trust, that has been *so cool* as I love being outdoors anyway, what interests you?
It’s tougher to meet new people, moreso make new friends nearing 40 in my experience – but there are avenues to try. It can feel a bit like looking for your keys, the harder you look, the worse you feel about not being able to find them. You’re not alone though brother, I promise you! Just start putting yourself out there
Most suggestions here are good, just keep in mind that it will likely take time and you might also have a few bad interactions. Rebuilding a social circle in your 30s is tough, ngl.
If you have kids, then I have found there are some dads and moms at the school I might get along with. Made a few friends that way
This is why I always say to people, don’t let your spouse become your only friend. You need to continue to nurture friendships and not let them slip by the wayside. Too many guys do the “my wife is my only friend” thing like they have to do that, only to find themselves in this spot.
OP, maybe look for a [meetup.com](http://meetup.com) group in your area? In the short term, find a hobby you like and search for a Discord about it?
i feel ya. down to chat if you ever need to just yap
Loneliness is a gateway to absolute freedom. You just have to go through it and not run away.
You can volunteer for something you enjoy, you can join a league for whatever tournament. You can learn an instrument/sing/dance.
After my breakup I started attending a boxing gym, I’ve been there for two years and have made a lot of new friends. Start doing something new and consistently that you enjoy, around others that also enjoy it.
Same boat here man (38). I’m from the UK, she’s from NZ. We met working out on Saudi Arabia. I sold up in the UK and moved here to New Zealand.
Got married, had two kids and now we’re separated. I never really made my own friends as I fell into her crowd. Now I’m lonely as fuck unless I have my kids at the weekend.
Let’s start with this. What are your interests?
You didn’t put your life on hold. Your family is and was your life. You can’t do both at the same time.
So go and enjoy yourself. Catch up with old friends, find a few hobbies, and go out more instead of staying indoors.
Like the lottery. You have to be in it to win it.
With this, you have to be out there to be seen, etc
I’m down to be your friend! I’m almost a decade younger than you but in very much the same position in my life.
I find it rough as well. I think just sayin some of the stuff you like to do may help. Me i love comics and have since ive been four so 40 years ago. Love sci fi and end of the world movies and such.
Hobbies, volunteering, join a local bowling or pool league. Adult learning classes. Church.
You need to put yourself out there and participate.
Online friends can be fun but they’re no replacement for human interaction. The key is common interests. Join a club or organization focused on something you enjoy. Take a class on something that interests you. Join a church if you’re religiously inclined. Do volunteer work for a cause that matters to you. Check out book groups at your local bookstore. In each case you’re going to be around people that are interested in the same things you are.
Serve others. Volunteer at a soup kitchen/food bank/shelter/your kids school or sports teams.
Join a golf club. Or tennis club, or gym, or church.
You need hobbies man. It’s a great way to meet people.
Drinking at the bar isn’t a hobbie but it’s a way too
Find what you like. It’s easier said than done. Just do stuff until you find 2-3 solid hobbies that you enjoy. Do them in a routine at the same places and times and you’ll see the same people over and over that have the same routine. Then you talk to those people.
I feel for you. Idk why some of us tend to do that. I started playing a sport and made some friends. Not like solid friendships but friends. Have people to talk to. You can try hobbies that involve others. You can also reach out to us online stranger friends. Just dont give up.
Join a dart league or some other casual sport. Great way to make casual friends. Some may turn into great friends.
Join a hobby group or a sports club. Or do an evening class and learn a language. Learning languages in groups is good because you HAVE to talk to each other and generally get to know people quite well.
Or, start a cult. It’s worked for other people in the past… That’s all I’m saying.
Go to the gym, right now. Some of the most valuable relationships I’ve built in life have come from meeting people at the gym.
I’ve met genuinely good people from all walks of life, veterans, aerospace engineers, pilots, pro bodybuilders, to reformed criminals. Multimillionaires with Ferraris and lambos, to top high school athletes. The gym is the ultimate equalizer for all men. In the gym, your background doesn’t matter.
It will be the best decision you’ve ever made!
What are your personal interests? You need to join a gym with group classes. Take some golf lessons and join a local men’s league. Play pickleball and join a local organization. Play volleyball, join a local group.
I made a ton of new friends in my mid-30s by getting into fitness. Join a run club or something similar
what do you like doing? what did you like before you met your ex?
I stopped having friends when I had my first kid. Crazy how everyone vanishes. I’ll chat/play game with you bro.
What are you into? If everyday was Saturday, and you never had to go to work again. What would you like to do with your time? I say connect with people who have similar interests. There are communities for every interest. Time to find yours.
Respectfully, you need to be interesting
At least you’re not 40 with zero friends and you’re married with a family
Online games and work friends. Or the boys chat discord is what ive got left.
Wait another 10 years and you’ll want the peace and quiet less connections. Thats where I am anyway.
If you would like to chat about comics or movies or video games or boxing , shoot me a DM. Business too, I suppose.
But don’t be afraid of being a lone wolf.
You play any PC games?
Check if they were meet up groups in your area. That’s a nice way to meet people based on different interests. Other than that, go out and go to events. Like around here there are a lot of art and culture events but you can choose events that interest you.