TL; DR- a person is unsure if relationship is salvageable after it being unhealthy from the beginning.
My fiancé (27m) and I (23f) have been together for 3 1/2 years and it’s been rocky since the beginning bc of my mental health issues. I have BPD, bipolar, depression & PTSD really bad. I’ve been in foster care & more. But no context can really excuse how much I’ve hurt my fiancé. I have been so mean and degrading to him when we used to argue. He’s said that sometimes when I talk to him-it makes him feel less-than and that he doesn’t feel like I listen to him enough. I do love him but I don’t know how to love him how he needs it.
I’ve been in therapy since I was 6 years old & I take meds. I’m trying to be a better person and I do feel like I’ve improved but I can’t shake the guilt that we’re not meant to be together because of how much I’ve hurt him. I told one time that I was literally settling being with him. There’s context but it doesn’t really matter does it? I’ve said and done hurtful things that I would never want done to me. Idk why he’s still with me truthfully, even his own mom told me that “you were the worst thing to ever happen to my son” That quite literally has been in my head every day since she said it because I fear it’s true.
I don’t know if there’s hope for me. Much less our relationship. I’ve been cursed since the beginning to be loveless & I’ve tried to get help but no one knows what to do with me because I’ve been stubborn & lost since I was a child.
Yes, we’ve done couples therapy but I don’t want to try anymore if I keep making the same mistakes. I’ve already done the damage to our relationship. I worry that there isn’t anything that can save our love. The main reason I’m even staying with him is because of our daughter we share and she needs both of us & I don’t want her to be raised in a broken home like both him and I were.