TL DR
Guys, this honestly sucks that I even have to come to Reddit for help, but I really need advice on how to act differently for the better.
My girlfriend craves emotional connection, and that’s where I’m struggling. I’m just… not emotional. I feel emotions, sure, but I look at them for what they are, learn from them, and move on. To me, emotions are fleeting, like the wind. So when I try to be the “emotional guy” she needs, it feels fake and disingenuous. And honestly, that feels worse than not being emotional at all.
Like, if she says she’s struggling with money, my first instinct is to say “aww man” and then jump into listing ways she could make more money — typical guy problem-solving mode. Then I’ll ask if she wants to talk more, and she says no. Later she tells me it feels like I’m forcing myself to even ask. Or if she tells me she’s having a bad day, I’ll say something like “I’m sorry stinky, want to talk about it?” and she says no. Then later she’ll say it feels like I don’t care about how she feels at all.
But I do care. I care a lot, more than I care about my own feelings. I just don’t know how to show it in the way she needs. And now she’s at a breaking point, fed up with it, and honestly I don’t blame her. I feel terrible because it feels like it’s all my fault for not being able to connect emotionally.
How do I even change this? How do I become more emotionally supportive without it feeling fake?