I (M28) was in a 1-year relationship with my ex (F25). We broke up in August 2024 — mostly because of my emotional unavailability, her burnout, and her fear of heartbreak. She leaned toward arranged marriage for “stability.” After the breakup, she deleted my number and we had 6 months of total silence.
First break (Feb 2025): Out of the blue she called me after a nightmare and said she had found one of my handwritten letters. That kicked off a short reconnection. We exchanged selfies, talked late at night, even played UNO online. She made emotionally heavy statements like: “Don’t be surprised if I get engaged soon” and “Are you okay being my friend especially now that marriage is on the line?” Eventually, she pulled back again.
Second break (March 2025): After I went silent for almost 2 weeks, she cracked again and sent me a light reel and a meme, which sparked short playful banter. Then she ghosted again. Later in April, I found out through a friend that she got engaged to someone her parents had arranged for her within the family.
Third break (Aug 2025, yesterday): After 5 months of complete silence, she suddenly called me. Her reason: her dad found some photo frames I had gifted her, and she panicked. She told me “it feels good to take it off my chest, I feel more relaxed now.” The call lasted about an hour — we didn’t just talk about the frames, we ended up catching up on life, work, dinner, and she even mentioned playing UNO again.
During the call, her mom rang her. When my ex came back on the line, she told me her mom said her dad had seen the frames and asked: “If he’s a nice guy, why not marry him?” My ex told her mom to tell him: “We ended it long ago, it’s over.” Then she brushed it off and shifted the call back to lighter conversation with me. From her dad's words, I got to know her wedding has most likely been called off.
Here’s what I can’t figure out:
– If it was just panic about the frames, why not tell her mom/dad and leave it there?
– If she felt obligated to tell me, why not a quick text instead of a 1-hour call?
– Why share her dad’s exact words with me, then still stay on the phone catching up?
From an outside perspective — especially if you’ve been the dumper or have an avoidant attachment style — what do you think?
– Was this call purely situational (panic)?
– Or was it also emotional — her missing me and using the panic as an excuse to reconnect?
I’d really appreciate external opinions, because after living this cycle 3 times now, it’s hard to tell what’s what.