I (29M, Indian) have been best friends with my colleague (29F, also Indian) for almost 8 years. We met at our previous company, did our MBA together in the USA, and now work at the same company. Our lives are pretty intertwined, and we spend a lot of time together—we’re really close, basically besties.
Recently, I realized my feelings for her have grown beyond friendship. She just started talking to a new guy she met on Hinge (he’s of a different race, born and brought up in USA – I'm not a racist, but putting here for more context). Since then, I’ve felt a bit distant and, honestly, I’ve been acting a little off or even irritating at times.
My main dilemma:
Should I tell her how I feel, or should I stay silent since she’s at the early stage of talking to this new guy? I genuinely want a chance to date her—just to see where things could go—but I don’t want to ruin our friendship or make her uncomfortable. I also wonder, if she says no, should I try to persuade her or just accept her answer and move on?
What's the best way to handle this? How should I confess or bring up my feelings with her—especially considering our shared Indian background and years of close friendship? Any advice on what to say or not say, or tips for how to start the conversation, would be really appreciated.
For those who have experienced something similar, especially in Indian cultural contexts, how did you handle it? What was the outcome for your friendship or relationship after confessing?
Thanks everyone!
TL;DR:
I (29M, Indian) have been best friends with a female colleague (29F) for 8 years and recently developed stronger feelings for her. She just started talking to someone new on Hinge, and I’m unsure how to confess my feelings without making things awkward or risking our friendship, especially given our shared Indian background. Looking for advice on how to approach this conversation and what’s worked for others in similar situations.
4 comments
Gotta move on, shes probably not into indian men. Treat her like you would one of your guy friends
You should shoot your shot. If you’re wrong you lose your friend. Don’t try to persuade her.
This is difficult, and it depends on what stage she’s in: how much of a connection she has with this guy, how excited she is, etc.
I would suggest you don’t confess right now: it’ll likely make her doubt how genuine your feelings are, versus just valuing her because someone else is now valuing her. And most Hinge connections fail, so your best bet is to just wait it out.
Also, it will likely affect your friendship. Some people are able to go back to a friendship after either rejecting someone or dating them and breaking up, but for most people it just essentially ends the friendship or makes it awkward (plus for a lot of people, “keeping in touch with an ex” or “having a friend who was interested in you” is considered a red flag and they go hysterical over it thinking that it’s the sure road to cheating).
To me, it seems like you didn’t want her until someone else did. Wouldn’t you have made a move in the last 8 years if you were truly interested? Why suddenly now do you feel this when she’s talking to someone else? I think it’s a good time for some self reflection. She’s already made her choice.