I’ve (26F) met this guy (26M) online once, we got along SOOO well. Just clicked at the first message, full on vibes straight away. We’re the same age, living in the same country but different cities. At the beginning, he seemed like flirting with me, quite boldly and I saw him as a great friend for the first few months honestly. With time though, I developed the biggest crush on him. I gave him signs ofc and was quite straight forward at times, we would still flirt a bit from time to time, but things never got serious.
Time went by and we ended up having this talking stage/situationship/relationship/friendship for over 2 YEARS . In the meantime we would talk on discord non stop, sometimes for hourssss, daily. Calling me was the first thing he always did after coming home from work. He would rather spend time with me instead of his friends sometimes. We played games together, watched movies together. Spent basically 24/7 texting or talking.
After a year or so we got into an argument and stopped talking for a month. He then came back saying he misses me and is sorry for fucking up. We ended up talking again and picking up where we left off. Shortly after his come back I told him it’s a little hurtful he doesn’t like me the way I do, but that I wasn’t forcing him to anything, and his response was that he likes me too but he can’t say anything more than that without seeing me face to face, irl. Having said that, we have never met. And we’ve known each other for so long. The topic came up on my side and his, but it was always just: damn you live far or something along those lines Normally I’d never meet anyone off the internet but with him, I was really longing to finally see him, speak to him in real life.
Eventually I got tired and fed up with my feelings not being reciprocated so worked up the courage and I ended it with a firm but nice message one night, shortly after we hit 2 years on the “situationship”. Wished him all the best, he wished me all the best and that was it… We haven’t spoken for almost a month now and it’s killing me. I miss him so much it physically hurts. I have DREAMS about messaging him or him reaching out. I don’t know if I miss him because of my feelings or just him as a friend. I don’t know if I ever laughed as much with anyone as I have with him. We’ve spent so much time together it’s insane, so I obviously grew super attached to him. I just wish I could hear his voice and laugh again, to talk to him one more time. I want to tell him how much I miss him 🙁
Is it worth going back to someone who probably saw me as a “I’m ready for a relationship just not with YOU” kind of person? I don’t know if being his friend is enough. If he ever got with anyone else I would have to end this anyway (as I told him a couple of times in the past) because I wouldn’t be able to bare the thought that the boy I fell for loves someone else.