I (24M) have been on the dating apps since February. I took advice from social media and have what I would consider to be a pretty good profile. I feel like it shows off my personality well, which is why I can actually get matches on a semi-regular basis. The problem is usually I get some sort of a message after the first date that there's no "connection" or "romantic spark" and it gets a little bit disparaging after a certain point: when I know in my heart I'm not doing anything wrong, but then it feels like I'm not doing anything right either.
I'm pretty extroverted but can be a little withdrawn on a first date due to nerves and wanting to make a good first impression. I try and ask her follow up questions, let her talk more, mention things I saw on her profile, show genuine interest — all things that more guys should do. Sometimes I can just stutter a little bit or show some signs of being nervous and I wonder if maybe that turns them off? I also know that sometimes it's a little hard for me to flirt right away just because we're just meeting for the first time. I want to show that I'm interested, but I don't want to take things too fast or risk making her uncomfortable. There have been a couple dates where I thought everything went well and then walking back to her car I asked if I could kiss her (because again, I wasn't sure) and then it seemed like it just killed the vibe after that because the body language changed and then she texted me that there was no spark. I know women generally like an assertive man, but I like to think I'm assertive, just in different ways – I always plan, set an itinerary, lead the way if we're walking somewhere, offer to pay (at least for the first date), etc. Once I see someone again, then I feel like I can come out of my shell a little bit more.
I know it's 50/50 for women: some women seem to not give a man a second chance if they don't feel an instant "spark", but some women also are willing to give it a 2nd-3rd date to see if it develops. It just feels like I'm only attracting the first type of women. I just wish I was better at dating because at a certain point I start to internalize it and it only further hurts my chances due to the constant cycle of rejection.