Hey everyone, I(32f) have not been the best at dating or for choosing the right guys for that matter, but im trying to learn. What are some types of guys I can avoid? And what can of red flag or yellow flag behavior should i be on the look out. So far i've learned not to date a mama's boy, guys who disrespects your boundaries, and guy who is materialistic and cares too much what others think of him. And bonus points if someone can tell me what a green flag guy should look like when dating.
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Someone that has their shit together and responsible.
Hobbies
Goals
Avoiding the wrong guys is step one. Step two? Make sure you’re someone the right guy wouldn’t avoid.
Rapists, murderers. Con artists. Maybe thieves as long as no women or children were harmed.
and may as well throw in those dudes who don’t put the toilet seat up. Those are the worst kinds really. Talk about bottom of the barrel
Porn addicts, guys with only girl best friends, guys with a large ego.
Doesn’t borrow money from his mom
Any guy who doesn’t share your core values. For me, communication is huge, so any guy who doesn’t check in daily is a write-off. Others might think that’s extreme or unreasonable, but that’s one of my values and it’s one I won’t compromise on.
People who jump right into dating after coming out of a relationship (big red flag to me). I think this applies to both sexes but I dated someone who was fresh out of ending a 2 and a half year relationship (which I didn’t know til’ after), I find that these people are trying to fill a void and have an emotional disconnect. How you can go from being fully committed to someone to weeks later, seeing other people is crazy to me.
I find even when I’ve broken up with someone, it’s still hard, there’s still a healing process.
If they say one thing, then do another, especially early on, they are NOT to be dated. Even for the smallest thing. Don’t make excuses for him because he’s hot, if he’s being disingenuous in any way, he is willing to lie and manipulate more in the future if you allow it.
Making mistakes is one thing, but if there is even a hint of dishonesty in their speech, they will hurt you. It is inevitable. Date someone who gives you safety, not uncertainty.
The ones that listen to Manosphere or Andrew Tate.
People with Avoidant attachment style
All of them. Avoid them all.
A man respecting your boundaries is a green flag though.
Anyone who struggles to regulate his emotions.They are the most dangerous men.
The ones that breathe..
As a dude, right now I have no idea. Things are changing. And ladies better start paying attention.
Focus on yourself though. Ask why a man would want to bring you into his home. What do you bring?
That may sound stupid. The number of guys asking this is small now, but it’s growing rapidly.
Can you cook, clean and provide a safe nest to raise children?
If you want commitment, chastity is gonna be important to. 🤷
The one who gives it away for free are gonna get stuck in the “free” category. Free women don’t get commitment. Carful ladies. Next 20 years are gonna be really wild as far as the battle of the sexes.
Addicts and alcoholics can be so charming…at first.
Watch for controllers!
Watch for religious zealots or Trump supporters.
Dang I’m trying to come up with a list, because as a guy I can usually tell when a guy is a douchebag pretty easily but I feel like a lot of women can’t for some reason. There’s nothing specific I notice that I can think of off the top of my head, they just ping my radar lol.
CRIMSON:
– Stay away from unemployed or underemployed guys who love bomb you. They are literally looking to move in. It’s not worth it.
– negger types. If he tells you the doesn’t think you’re good enough in any way, you can and should call him out. His response tells you how far away to stay.
– long lists of demands that he purposely refers to as his boundaries. His boundaries cannot include you or your own behavior. He cannot demand you not talk to your friends and family or start arguments with them on his behalf because of his anxiety. His anxiety is his problem. If he has a boundary not to date people with other people in their lives, let him find a lonely person to date.
– he cannot tell you what to wear, how to dress, how to act, or how you should conduct yourself at your job. You know what you’re doing and have been doing it longer than you’ve known him. Keep the job, ditch the guy.
– any man who uses the silent treatment during an argument isn’t worth the time of day.
– *GASLIGHTING*. This isn’t lying — this is trying to tell you that reality is different from what you know it to be.
YELLOW:
– bad at communicating. He can learn to do better if he’s motivated to, so it’s not a red flag. Some of the worst communicators I’ve known in my life have learned to be exceptional communicators with some effort.
– anyone who tries to tell you that what you do is not as important as what they do. Give them a chance to explain before this bumps into red flag territory. I actually knew someone who said this on a date, and I thought it was going to be a red flag, but he was actually talking about the actual job, not in general (as in tying his or my worth to it). He just felt being an EMT was more important than a desk job in a law firm, but once he understood that my firm deals in family law and not in criminal law, he changed his mind. I did put a pin in that anyway cuz it did rub me the wrong way.
GREEN:
– accepts you who for who you are.
– is fun to be around.
– makes you smile.
– thinks you’re hilarious.
– you get all 😍 when you think about him.
– you just feel good when you’re around him.
I’ma guy, so I’ll tell ya look out for overly willing to do anything for you out the gate stuff. Buy your groceries pay car bill etc. He tryna get in your pants. Watch out for them ones that are obviously talkative about girls they have dated in the past BUT ONLY when they seem to not be comparing them to you which in guys eyes is good things. We’re trying to show you how much better you are than anyone else that’s been in our lives.
I was told never date a scientist because their brains don’t ever disconnect from work. Dated one, it’s so freaking true!!!!
Sounds like ya know what you doing
The most important thing to keep in mind no matter how your future partner is, remember that being 100% you is the biggest priority. your most authentic self should be shown, and remember times when you feel the urge to suppress yourself or not tell them something in fear of how they’d respond. maybe even write down the situations in a journal so you can keep track. Dig deep to see where this urge is coming from, whether it’s actually from a fear of judgement or negative response from the person, or if it’s an urge that has been instilled in you from experiences in the past and your brain is correlating the two situations as the same level of “dangerous.”
Your partner should feel “boring.” Butterflies is a yellow flag, and is your body’s nervous system freaking tf out, which can be your body sensing danger but your brain is ignoring it. Don’t mistake peace for boredom, which is where taking things slow comes in handy to keep a clear head.
You’re 32. Leave us alone
go with gut feel, spend time to learn them