I’m almost 27 and feeling frustrated trying to build meaningful friendships. I’m shy, neurodivergent (NVLD), and have always struggled to connect easily with people. I don’t like sports, and I’m more comfortable in thoughtful, intimate, or creative settings than in loud, overstimulating environments like dorms, sports games, etc.
Adding to the challenge, my mom is extremely outgoing and pushy — she’s the opposite of me — which has made me feel like I’m “doing friendship wrong” or not social enough for not settling for superficial or fair weather friendships.
College was the loneliest time of my life by far I experienced a lot of loneliness, anxiety, and depression. I felt so unwelcome and out of sync with my peers that I would go home on weekends — first to escape a really unhealthy roommate situation, and later because I had resigned myself to not having friends on campus. I also studied abroad in Madrid for a period, which was amazing, but otherwise I never found “my people” like everyone and their mother insisted I would no matter how unpopular and awkward I was as a teen.
Now, I live at home but I’m trying to actively put myself out there especially since my colleagues at work at 15-20 years older so I don’t fit into any of their cliques: I went to a book club tonight, but I didn’t click with anyone, which was awkward. I have a graduate school alumni mixer coming up on Thursday, and I really want to make a better impression there. I want real connections, not just acquaintances. I get nervous, feel awkward, and sometimes retreat, but I’m trying not to let that stop me.
Does anyone else in their mid-to-late 20s struggle with finding friends due to shyness, neurodivergence, or family dynamics? How do you meet people you actually click with as an adult, outside of work or school? Any advice on approaching events like a graduate school alumni mixer — especially after feeling like you didn’t connect in a previous social setting — would be really appreciated.