This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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29 comments
Do 27 year old guys on Feeld send me pings because they’re into cougars? Is that what it is? I am nearly 40 for reference 😂
My friend and I took a break from talking. It was really difficult for both of us. She said one day she picked up her phone five times and wanted to text me but didnt because we agreed to a break.
We both agree that we’ve gotten way too close. The question that came up is how do we have boundaries going forward? Neither of us knows what that looks like. We talk for hours everyday and obviously we cant do that if either of us starts dating someone. She said what if we talk every other day instead, but then said she couldnt do that and needs everyday. She said we have a couple of months to figure it out.
In the meantime we’re back to normal.
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ended things with a couple of people i was seeing casually for various reasons, and in both cases they ended well and on good terms. after some space we have plans to hang out as friends.
meanwhile in my social life, i’m getting f**ked. stood up by two friends for a bike ride, another keeps saying they’re going to invite me on a ride with their friends every time i see him but never does and then i see his rides on strava. another friend keeps complaining that i travel too much to hang out but has been entirely unavailable and ignores me when i’m in town, another invites me on a camping trip and then last minute informed me he invited my ex too and said “hope that’s okay”.
i do have a few close friends i’m thankful for and trying to invest more energy into those friendships but f it have i really taken it up the ass these past couple weeks.
also today is my ex’s bday and it’s a hard day.
How attractive are you to your same-sex friends versus the opposite sex?
I’m a heterosexual woman, and I’ve always felt like women (gay or straight) find me more attractive than men.
To women: I’m probably an 8-9
To men: probably like a 6.75-7
How to tell an oversharing, over involved person, that im not into him?
Found out recently that my friend’s fiancee is descended from a Polish forced worker in Germany during WW2 who ended up in one of the DP camps after the war and was able to emigrate to the US. Crazy stuff – his brothers and sisters all were also sent to work and he had no idea what happened to them. Because he survived and was interviewed there’s a lot of info about him – including where he was kept by German authorities
She hasn’t been to Poland since she was young and I am telling him, dude you have to take her. She hasn’t been in 20 years, you can literally visit the places her grandfather was kept – Pawiak Prison is a museum, as is the Majdanek concentration camp. He was in the Home Army, you could go to those institutions and see if they have any records of him
He won’t even get a passport. She used to work in international aid and lived abroad for a few years and he won’t get a passport!
They seem very happy together but man I don’t get some people. I would be jumping at the chance to take an international trip with my girlfriend/fiancee to places so significant to her ancestry, which she’s expressed a strong interest in visiting!
Do you have a dating skill? Like something positive you think you’re good at?
It is quite Pathetic that the two guys I’ve been attracted to in the last 6 months are my co workers son and this one dude at the bar who has a girlfriend
The dating apps for me have been trash and it’s really hard to go out and do activities in my town when I’m tired from work. Fml how am I supposed to meet people
Piggybacking on the /u/frumbledown question below to ask the opposite:
Do you have a dating handicap? Something not-good for dating that you excel at?
How and when is it appropriate to compliment a woman on her physical appearance? It’s been years since I’ve last had a date and I have no idea how to compliment or flirt with people. And while I have moderate success getting matches I’m so paralyzed with fear because I’m afraid I’m going to say the wrong thing. I feel like this is one of those situations where I just need to let go and let God.
My instincts were right. He wasn’t ready for a more serious relationship. Or he wasn’t that into me. Or both (I think probably both, from the way he talked about exes and love in general). In the end, I didn’t have to press the issue. He ended things with a “I can’t give you what you want”.
I’m bummed, because I did really like him, but I know it’s for the best too. I think I’d really attached a lot of ideas about my future to this guy. The brain is so good at doing that I didn’t even realize that he’d become this possible symbol of how I finally moved on from my divorce enough to have a boyfriend and how I could actually find someone who I am wildly attracted to who is also boyfriend material (and even someone who truly cares about me and treats me well). Someone who wants me physically, mentally, and emotionally, who I also want just as much.
But that wasn’t him. And that doesn’t mean I haven’t moved on. I think I’m having a harder time letting go of the sexual connection because that’s been much rarer for me, and he was just so caring and attentive there, and I was so attracted to him. I guess I’m still operating in a scarcity mindset there after spending most of a 16 year relationship with sex issues (my ex since realized he’s asexual). That’s something to unpack a little more, I suppose.
I am proud of myself for the emotional maturity I showed the whole time. I was clear in what I wanted, I let him know, I gave him space to let his feelings grow or not/find certainty or not, and I let my heart open enough to get hurt. (And I also picked someone a little more emotionally available this time, and someone who is a clear enough communicator he let me know relatively quickly). And my friends have all been really sweet about it (including my ex-husband who is now a close friend, which is super weird, but very valuable).
But it’s not all silver linings. It does suck and I am bummed.
I might go rebound fuck my former lover, but I might play it cool too, because my ego can’t take another direct rejection atm.
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I’m curious what women here were told growing up about people asking people out, like what expectations were nurtured by what reported experiences, media, or direct advice?
I’m not trying to get in discourse about it, I’m genuinely just curious, because I did not grow up a girl and so do not know how they are socialized.
It had been a while since he’d forgotten anything at my place, I like catching sight of his watch just hanging out amongst my things.
My friends I do believe I got it bad. 🙃
Gotta keep myself reasonable but it is hard!
Ooof, what a evening. Went to a pretty major concert last night and well….it did not turn out the best. I had an extra ticket for last nights show for a while. Originally it belong to a lady that I saw for 3 months who decided she wasn’t as ready as she originally thought for a relationship. Since then, I’ve been trying to look for anyone else who would take this ticket, but couldn’t find anybody. Tried to resell the ticket but no one bit even at a lower price. Then I met my tinder match (with whom I’ve been on 5 dates with) and found out one of her favorite bands was opening for this show. The only hang up? My younger brother (27m) was also attending with me (I bought a ticket for his bday). I wasn’t sure how each party would respond to going as a group since it was still a little early in the relationship…. but both were receptive to the idea. Still, my gut felt a little off.
Everything about the evening was going great until about midway through the night. Tinder match recently revealed she was bipolar type 2 but that she was also medicated. I was cautious after doing some research, but gave the benefit of the doubt. However….she drank a little too much too quick and this caused the evening to spiral once the alcohol began to hit (I’m sober and so is my brother). During her favorite bands set, she was pretty intoxicated and my brother cracked a joke that the last 4 songs from the band all sounded the same. I chuckled, and she overheard. Her demeanor suddenly changed and became very standoffish. Then, she turned around and abruptly left. My brother looked at me and asked if everything was okay, but I knew it was gonna be a long evening. Suddenly, my phone blows up with drunken/hard to decipher texts about how I ruined her night, the joke about her band was worse than “anything any of her abusive ex boyfriends ever did” to her, she would not be speaking to me again etc. My brother looked at me after reading over my shoulder and said good riddance and to just cut her off and let her go. Knowing she was very drunk though, the gentleman in me had to at least make sure she had a ride home. After eventually finding her, she was…fine? Smiling and laughing, said she was sorry and began acting like nothing happened. On the ride home we had to stop on an off ramp so she could throw up before finally returning her home safe. My brother from the backseat afterwards said he never wanted to be in her presence again and that she ruined a show he was looking forward too. He was also mad I went and searched for her and left him at his seat by himself. It really was a no win situation.
So….it wasn’t my best concert experience to say the least. Haven’t heard from or spoken to tinder match since last night but my brother has calmed down a bit. Next time I think I’m just going to go to a concert alone haha
32F. Having a hard time with dating right now. Been trying to be patient and give at least 3 dates as long as there has been some compatibility but hasn’t been working out. Then had my first great connection in a first date in months, but he went on vacation and connection fizzled out. Think he may just have been a good flirt.
Still have enjoyed getting to meet so many great guys. But disappointed and could use y’all’s successful dating stories to stay hopeful before I go on my break if you want to comment them. 💕
Small rant today. Running is not a personality trait. Exercise is only basic hygiene.
I’m wondering what everyone in new relationships really treat Instagram? I’m in a new relationship that is just beginning, we’ve been dating 3 weeks and he (37M) asked me (32F) to be exclusive with him and we specified that we are not boyfriend/girlfriend yet but instead this was a commitment he was ready to make so we can focus on truly getting to know one another instead of roster dating which both of us hate (we are in a big city). He was honest and told me there was 1 other girl he was talking to before me but he didn’t feel the “need/desire” to meet with her when she moved to the city this month.
But today I had anxiety set in because he started following her on Instagram. To me, this feels like a potential grey area within the exclusive talk, a way to keep the door open with her while we are exploring if this could be something. Or worse, outright crossing the line.
Tell me what you think?
I’m a 33F going on a sixth date with 39M. We both have busy jobs and don’t text much, but live very close to each other. He’s an introvert who seems to have the jitters around me. I initiated a peck on two dates, and then asked to make out on the last date. I said I can’t tell if he likes me, and he says he likes me and that we have a lot in common but moves slow. He puts in the effort, consistently texting, helping to plan dates, but has made zero effort to flirt or touch. Any ideas on how to approach this upcoming date?
Women of DOT, how do you personally signal to a guy that you’re interested in him? I feel like a lot of these cues probably fly under my radar and I need to get better at identifying them and getting a clue that someone is into me. It’s often like two weeks later that I think back about an interaction and realize someone might have actually been flirting with me and I was completely oblivious
Rant:
Texting too much, whether it’s 1) texting too much before the date (meeting in person for the first time, or having a date for the first time with the person) or 2) constantly sending boring, low-effort, texts.
1) I remember agreeing to a date with a guy. The date was on Sunday afternoon. We were meeting for tea. He constantly texted over the weekend. I felt annoyed because we were seeing each other literally in 1-2 days. Also on Sunday morning itself he is texting me and asking about something I had planned on Saturday that I told him about.
I’m feeling annoyed and overwhelmed because we are meeting in a *few hours* and the things he’s texting me about are all things that we can talk about when we meet in person, again, in a few hours! Talking and interacting in person is so much more enjoyable. You don’t know if you’ll have chemistry unless you talk in person. And I also want to make sure we have enough stuff to talk about. My fault lies in the fact that I didn’t just send a message saying “Let’s talk about it more when we meet today.”
Another time, a guy online had reached out to me. We decided to meet for coffee on the coming weekend. In my mind, the date is set, I do not need further communication until actually meet. He starts texting me, asking questions and bringing up conversation topics that – again – would be much better explored in person.
This time I flat out said – with a smiley face emoji – that I would prefer to wait until we meet to dive into conversation because it’s better to talk in person. He said okay, and then he just *continued texting*.
There is just no goddamn point in texting so much and trying to get to know each other over text before we’ve even met in person. You could be spending all that time and energy texting, and then when you meet you may not have any chemistry.
2) Someone who repeatedly texts “how’s it going” or “what’s up” every day. I don’t feel the need to stay connected via text if there’s nothing to talk about. “How’s it going” makes more sense to ask someone in person. Over text the response is something equally short/boring like “Fine, just working” or “Fine, you?” or me typing out all the details of my day/current situation which is tedious as hell.
So 40F can be a heavy texter. I usually match the texting energy of the other person and I don’t particularly mind sending longer texts as long as the vibe’s fun.
It might be a pet peeve but if I’m the middle of responding to long texts and reply in chunks (like in Whatsapp) doooooon’t start replying when I have not responded to everything yet.
Now the conversation’s getting jumbled and it’s confusing and arrrgh. It’s fun that she replies instantly though but pleeeease let me respond in full first please thank you. Luxury problems.
Sitting here today and really reveling in the fact that I had an incredibly fulfilling summer. I traveled so much, spent a lot of time with loved ones, and settled into a new job. The only hang ups I have right now are that I spent a lot of money all summer and I also gained 10 lbs. I keep reminding myself money comes back and weight fluctuates.
Luckily for me, I’ve chosen to take a small dating break. That will give me the opportunity to drop the weight. However, that’ll also give me the opportunity to plan a few solo weekend trips, thus spending more money 🫠
It happened again! A woman on Hinge sent me an initial “match” message solely for the purpose of telling me she didn’t agree with my desire to be child-free. Told me that she appreciated me being authentic but that she didn’t agree with the child-free lifestyle and was glad for giving her ability to “cull the week” (her typo, not mine). I replied with “thanks for the compliment” and she replied solely to correct her typo and immediately unmatch, haha. What a way for a 46-year-old woman to act.
This is twice now that someone has sent me a message to tell me they don’t like that I don’t want kids.
Now that I’m more attached I’m anxious as fuck that non-responsiveness to texts means I’m about to get dumped. Even though it’s not really out of the ordinary and he’s busy as hell and I want him to be out enjoying his life and I don’t really inundate him nor do I send anything that urgent. And he’s told me he’s a bad texter but that he always wants to make time for me, and he does— even if it’s late in the day. I think bc last time that is exactly what happened so now I’m just expecting it
God dammit
I’ve been talking to a guy on Hinge for about a week. The conversation started off okay, like he sent a thoughtful opener and his replies were interesting, but I found myself carrying most of it by asking follow-up questions. He rarely asked anything beyond a generic “What about you?”
A lot of what we talked about were more abstract conversations about media and ideas, which I do really enjoy especially with people I know already, but it’s been hard to get a sense of who he actually is. It’s feeling one-sided, and I’m noticing he avoids talking about his life or asking about mine in any meaningful way.
The last message he sent was another long one about his interests, ending again with “how ‘bout you?” That was two days ago, and I haven’t replied. I even started writing a response but stopped and didn’t actually send it. I’m tired of putting in all the effort and I don’t think this communication style works for me. I considered telling him why I won’t continue talking but I also don’t feel like I need to coach a 43 year old man on how to talk to someone. It’s probably best to let it fizzle. Ohhhh well.
31m – Does anyone else single just get tired of doing stuff by yourself? Bit of a moan lol. I have been single forever, I live with my parents. I am in the process of buying a house for myself. I have saved all my life to get myself in a good position. I have been out looking at new furniture, kitchens etc. I am really proud of myself and looking forward to being more independent.
I am just having lots of emotions, only normal I expect for all FTB. I only ever wanted to buy a house by myself, I always wanted a place that is just mine. I never really wanted to buy with a partner. I don’t have children, don’t really want them. I don’t want to get married but in the future would love a long term, commited relationship. I would like to meet a women who also wants to keep her own place.
I must admit I do not do much on weeknights except walk and read books, films, guitar etc. but I go out on the weekends and visit places, attractions by myself. I find it quite easy and fun.
Anyway me ranting on lol. Just wondering if anyone else occasionally feels the mix of frustration and also sorta pride in knowing who we are and what we want. I honestly think it’s an opportunity to reassess things, a positive thing owning a house and feeling a bit more confident and self assured. Living with your parents isn’t the best time to date 😭😭😭
I didn’t imagine things could feel this comfortable less than two months in. I feel secure and safe with him, I want to be a better partner to him, and I respect him as a man. I got into a car accident last night and he was there to help me without hesitation. What could have been a horrible night turned out to be deeply reaffirming of the care and support that I feel. With every week, it just gets better.