Does anyone else feel like dating has gotten harder in the last decade? I’m not trying to doom-post, I’m genuinely curious. Ten years ago it felt simpler to meet people through friends, work, class, even the apps, or just being out. Now it seems like apps dominate, but the paradox of choice + endless swiping makes connection feel disposable. Ghosting is basically standard, and it feels so much harder to build momentum past a couple dates.

I also wonder how much bigger stuff plays in: the pandemic gap, more WFH/social isolation, cost of living stress, mental health burnout, safety concerns, and growing political/values polarization. On the flip side, we’ve got clearer conversations around consent and boundaries, and more visibility for different relationship styles—so maybe it’s not “harder,” just different skills needed?

If you think dating has gotten harder, why? What changed—people’s expectations, communication norms, timelines for commitment, or something else? If you think it hasn’t, what’s working for you? Would love to hear perspectives across age/location/gender for context, plus any concrete tips that actually improved your experience.


8 comments

  1. extremely ;( well I have no comparison as I am teen, but was it really like this for generation of our parents?

    example of what girls do overnight

    she before sleep: says she is clingy, asks me to never leave and promises the same
    me before sleep: comforting, taking care of her fears and needs, supporting well being

    she after sleep: “we need to talk, I don’t think I can do this” and she is gone, like nothing said previous days ever existed. why girls do this? I am extremely sad ;( btw. I have disability in real life (autism spectrum), please be kind if you can, I really feel like I don’t understand this world

  2. I think a pretty big aspect is convenience. People are used to no human interaction during tons of processes these days. You can file paperwork online, order stuff on Amazon with no human interaction, book vacations, entertain yourself etc. Human interaction is associated with longer processes and inconvenience. 

    But dating is literally 100% human interaction which feels like the opposite of what modern life is evolving into

  3. Yup.

    Too many people rely on the apps now.

    Of my male friends, the handsome dudes who sell themselves well go through girls after girls. Few and far between, but these dudes get girls and move on.

    Of my female friends who use the apps, they talk about all the weird guys they meet, some of them have sex with lots of different guys but rarely have boyfriends, and they think men are the problem.

    A few found their spouse but that was over 10 years ago.

    The apps are hot garbage, but a lot of people use them and their expectations are whacky.

  4. A lot of the extra options we have on apps are actually not real. It’s an illusion. Some people are not there to date and there are legitimate scammers and bots. Expectations have gotten crazy and people have gotten crazy, we cannot even agree on common definition, there is no communication and no shared reality. All the extra choices allow people to have different realities where different people live and by definition they cannot get along with other people in a different reality. Some of the realities they have created don’t acknowledge the other realities, by design. It’s difficult to say whether apps have escalated this at all, this has always been around, but I guess we notice it more now since the app gives you access and gives those folks larger platforms to advertise.

    I give you an example of a new phenomenon as a result of modern dating. The whole pay for interaction economy. Sure have always been prostitutes and people who want money for their attention. But apps and online marketing make their business more robust, prevalent, and easier than ever before. Catfish? That wasn’t a thing before either. Is that good or bad? IDK Perhaps those lonely people need outlets, but at the same time they’re defrauding other lonely people. That’s another reality that didn’t exist before and now they have platform to grow it.

  5. I agree with this post, dating is very different now. I heard that this is known as the silent depression ….

  6. I find modern dating to be similar to buying shoes

    People will find a pair that looks nice, fits them well.. but will continue shopping in case they find a pair that’s fits even better.

    It’s exhausting.

  7. yes, because men and women changed so much! nowadays it’s so hard to find a person with the same principles and values

  8. I’m 29F so I can compare now to when I was 19. When I was 19 I remember tinder was the popular app of choice. It was around that time that apps really started booming. I certainly remember people making more of an effort to meet in person when I was in my teens. I used to be able to meet guys organically. Now, the apps have created a convenience for everyone to just swipe away and not bother going out or try approaching people.

Leave a Reply