I 28F, have started seeing Ryan 29M. I was excited about it until literally this morning. Last night he had made a comment saying that if he were to propose to someone, it would have to be after years and years and years because he wants to be extremely sure, and that he doesn’t ever want to get divorced so he would really really have to know she was the one. Which is valid- His last two exes both cheated on him, including one that was “perfect on paper, his dream girl & the one he thought he was going to marry,”) waiting 2+ years is not exactly the timing I would like, but I can understand it.
But then this morning on our run, I was asking him if it bothers him that I am not super religious (because he has started going to church every Sunday) and he said no because this is a more recent development for him. I asked him if he envisioned himself getting married in the church one day like I I wanted to know if that is important to him, and he said he hadn’t thought that far ahead but he’s not even sure if he ever wants to get married. And I said okay. And dropped the subject.
But the thing is I’ve always wanted to get married and have kids, that’s a core part of my future. Ryan, on the other hand, seems uncertain about both. I just feel like that’s not a small mismatch; that’s a fundamental values gap. Like our vision of our future don’t align and even if timing worked out I don’t want to waste time wondering if he’s ever going to come around.
And I know it’s early bc it’s only been two and a half weeks, but I have dated other guys that are straight up like “yeah I wanna be married one day and I wanna have kids one day.” Which I feel like is very different than Ryan stating he’s not sure if he ever wants either. i’m not saying he has to know if he wants to marry me right this second I just want that to be in the cards for whoever I start dating. Like I feel like getting married is either something you know you want or you don’t.
My question is- do I continue getting to know him? I really enjoy this connection- we align on so many things and I really enjoy spending time w him. But I worried that I’m just going to end up being strung along in the end.