19F here. I've been single all my life, though I've had crushes and talking stages, but never a relationship. Not even a first date. I'm in a cycle of seeing couples and wanting to be in a relationship, then being happy that I'm single at times.
I want love but I'm scared of commitment. All the guys who I've talked to, once they indicate interest in me, all my attraction for them vanishes and I lose all interest in them. Even if I had liked them back, I'd distance myself from them, eventually cutting them out of my life. I've had regrets about those times especially when I fumbled a great guy who I met last year. When he asked me out, my heart dropped although I've been enjoying his company the whole time. When I cut him off, I felt bad for weeks. The worst part is he wasn't the first guy I did that to.
To be honest, I don't want to date. I want to have someone to go home to and talk to about anything ever. I want to have someone to be vulnerable with and open up to. Someone I can be myself around. Someone more than a friend. But doesn't that come from dating first? I want love but I don't know anymore tbh. Why do I avoid love? Idk if I'm even incapable of loving someone.
I guess we accept the love we think we deserve.
3 comments
Sounds like you’re overcomplicating things.
The thing you say you want comes from dating someone with a long-term serious relationship in mind. Not short-term dating.
Go on a few dates, get to know people, if they seem like the type that will be deep and offer that intimate connection and provide you with the closure and security you want – take it a step further. Otherwise cut it off amicably like a normal adult.
Dating isn’t hard as long as you know what you’re looking for. You said what you wanted in the bottom part of your post. Aim for that. You’re young and have plenty of time, but it’s important to at least try. Many guys are also looking for exactly what you are looking for too.
You’re young, chill out
I didn’t really love anyone til I was 25. Dating here and there, but never realized what real love was until 25. You’re young, don’t rush anything, it’ll come when you’re least expecting it.