My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and living together for nearly 3. It’s been a really great relationship with tons of shared values. In January of this year we had a conversation about getting married and it seemed to go positively – I shared the rings i like with him, we talked about timeline and things felt really hopeful. he was even excited to talk about buying a house together, so thanks felt like they were going in the right direction. Fast forward to April, he hasn’t brought anything up at all so I ask him about it – he says that I’m “further along than him” and he doesn’t want to move ahead just yet. This hurt me quite a lot and I felt like the goalposts were moved. I decided I would give him some time and space to think about this – we had vacations planned and the summer ahead of us so I figured maybe he just had cold feet. All summer he’s been really sweet to me – exactly the kind of boyfriend i wanted, thoughtful and kind- but absolutely no conversation about the future.
In August I sat him down and expressed my feelings – that the not knowing and uncertainty was really hurting me, that I felt unfairly treated, and that I need to know if we are moving ahead or not because getting married and having kids is very important to me. I softened during the convo and said I didn’t need to know right that moment but I’m not waiting months to hear an answer. He acknowledged he’s been treating me unfairly and that he’s being “a piece of shit” but gave me no other indication of his thoughts. I gave myself a quiet deadline of last week of September (we have a lot of joint plans and weddings this month) to see if he will bring up the conversation – so far nothing. I guess I want to know from others in a similar situation if my gut instinct is true – he’s going to avoid talking about this if I let him, and maybe it’s worth blowing up my plans and just telling him I’m miserable waiting for this/doing it sooner.
he’s exactly the kind of person otherwise that I see myself with, when I consider personality/values/future goals but it seems like this decision (marrying me) is just way too hard for him to make, and I want to be with somebody who knows they love me and knows they want a future with me.
TLDR: my boyfriend of five years reneged on proposing and hasn’t communicated anything about the future in months, wondering at what point it’s worth it to just end this