How do you handle friendships where you’re questioning whether the effort is worth it?
September 3, 2025
I’m curious how other women handle situations where a friendship feels really one-sided.
21 comments
I’m curious how other women handle situations where a friendship feels really one-sided. Imagine you’ve known someone for a long time, but they rarely make an effort, don’t show up for important moments, and yet expect you to show up for theirs.
How do you decide whether to keep investing in that friendship, especially when it comes to big life events like engagements or weddings? Do you still go for the sake of the history, or do you start pulling back?
Luckily I haven’t really felt this way with any of my friends; we’re all so busy and we communicate well. I think that’s huge. I think you should be able to ask a friend about topics like these, because I mean if you don’t then you’re just playing the guessing game, which is a game.
If this was happening with me, I would likely ask them what’s up and if they want to talk about anything. But usually my friends are very open, so I haven’t ever had to do that really luckily.
Goodluck OP! Communication is key 🙂
Tbf if you’re at the point where you’re questioning whether the effort is worth it, doesn’t that means you’ve realised it isn’t a two-way street? Imo you should slowly disengage. If they don’t even reach out to you or anything… You know they ain’t real ones.
OBVIOUSLY this is easier said than done!
I lost someone who I thought was my closest friend like this. Almost 2 decades and I only realised way too late that they only stayed connected because she saw me as beneath her and it made her feel good about herself. It’s really weird because we’ve shared some deep secrets too?? I was always there for her difficult times, but when it was mine, she’d barely care.
I gave her a lot of chances too because I stupidly thought she was just going through a hard time. But after awhile, it was clear she wasn’t interested in the ‘friendship’ anymore because my life was making her feel bad.
[removed]
I walk away. There’s nothing to handle. It’s a friendship, not a hostage situation. People are free to act as they please, and I’m free to grant or deny access. The age of the relationship doesn’t matter. People don’t get to treat you like shit because you’ve known them longer, lol.
It’s not a question of “how do you handle one-sided friendships”, it is a question of, “why are you wasting your time with one-sided friendships”?
I pay attention to patterns and how the person has made me feel overall. If it’s been going on for awhile and the negative feelings they bring me outweigh the positive, that’s when I walk away.
I don’t. My friendships are effortless and vibrant. If they’re not then I don’t consider it a friendship, I consider them an acquaintance
last time it happened i left
As long you’re feeling it , it’s true. Leave
I slowly disengage. Usually the person fades out of my life. Though i do have someone who i literally know expects an exit interview with friendships (shes talked about it often enough) that im just. Hoping she forgets about me one day instead of what will be a very painful conversation for both of us.
When I was younger, I would keep going and going and wonder how I could make it better. Now I usually just let things drift off into oblivion, lol.
To be honest, i test it.
I stop starting conversations via textmessages. Do I get texts from that person?
I stop suggesting to meet. Am I asked to go out?
I had another situation, where the person did not fail these test, but I tried something different.
I am waiting for them to ask about me during the meetin (about my day, my life etc). Do we end up never talking about me and only them?
So to sum it up, i am not taking initiative. I watch if they do. I think it is important to test because in my cases I was right, but sometimes, when your life is messy you feel like it is one-sided even though it is not.
I stop putting in effort. Match their energy.
Then go find something else to entertain myself.
Is it one sided in one area, but not others? Or multiple areas? We all have our different strengths and weaknesses.
A common example I see talked about on Reddit is initiating hangouts, get togethers, or conversations. Some folks feel under valued when they feel like they’re the ones initiating interactions more frequently than their friend. But some people are better about initiating than others, and I wouldn’t be so quick to believe it’s simply because they don’t really value me. I’d look at other behaviors. When we do get together, are they interested and listening when I share about myself or my life? Do they ask about me, or encourage me to share about what I’m interested in/talking about? Do conversations feel equal (save for the times a friend truly does need to share about something that requires more attention on them, but they reciprocate when you need support as well)? Relationships ebb and flow, and life has hard times and good times. Do you feel valued in other areas or at other times? The few friends I have, I’ve had for many years. There have been times where I have initiated things more often, supported more, etc. and there have been times they’ve made more “effort” than me. I don’t think any of us feel we do/don’t value each other based on that. We all are just going through life’s ups and downs at various times.
It’s harder to gauge that in newer friendships because you have less behavior and interactions to go off of, but I’d be open to the possibility that they’re maybe just weaker in one area or another. You can also communicate that you’d like to share or get support from them. They may be unaware of their behavior or your needs. I’ve directly asked for support from a friend before, and it brought us closer together, and she followed up afterwards. If I had been quicker to walk away, I would have missed the opportunity to foster our relationship. Sometimes we all just need gentle reminders or communication about what we need.
I treat them the way I feel like they’re treating me. I also evaluate what I like in a friendship, I also practice what I preach in a friendship so if I feel like I’m giving too much then I pull back. If they’re not keeping in contact or showing up for me then I will not do that for them. Knowing that I’m usually the one to reach out, plan to get together etc aka actually putting effort and they just show up, if I pull away and they don’t reciprocate (most of them don’t) then I’ll never disturb them again.
If the question remotely even arises, then the mind already knows what the heart doesn’t want to acknowledge.
You distance yourself.
If you gotta ask I’m pretty sure you know the answer
If I really value the friendship, then I’ll ask why she doesn’t reach out, etc. If I don’t, I just walk away.
It’s important to me that friendships are balanced in terms of effort of reaching out and support provided
My love language is quality time
In terms of my friendships I tend to do well with people who are the same in terms of love language or know how to accommodate mine
I’m a huge extrovert but am more on the quieter side so introverts also do very well with me
As we grow with age and considering the state of the world we live in, I find that shared values become more and more important to me. I can listen to other POVs but won’t accept intolerance and bigotry (or racism, homophobia etc)
My advice is : if there’s something bothering you try to address it directly with the person
Friendships ending can hurt just as much as romantic breakups.
Stop pouring yourself empty for someone who wouldn’t even spare you a sip
21 comments
I’m curious how other women handle situations where a friendship feels really one-sided. Imagine you’ve known someone for a long time, but they rarely make an effort, don’t show up for important moments, and yet expect you to show up for theirs.
How do you decide whether to keep investing in that friendship, especially when it comes to big life events like engagements or weddings? Do you still go for the sake of the history, or do you start pulling back?
Luckily I haven’t really felt this way with any of my friends; we’re all so busy and we communicate well. I think that’s huge. I think you should be able to ask a friend about topics like these, because I mean if you don’t then you’re just playing the guessing game, which is a game.
If this was happening with me, I would likely ask them what’s up and if they want to talk about anything. But usually my friends are very open, so I haven’t ever had to do that really luckily.
Goodluck OP! Communication is key 🙂
Tbf if you’re at the point where you’re questioning whether the effort is worth it, doesn’t that means you’ve realised it isn’t a two-way street? Imo you should slowly disengage. If they don’t even reach out to you or anything… You know they ain’t real ones.
OBVIOUSLY this is easier said than done!
I lost someone who I thought was my closest friend like this. Almost 2 decades and I only realised way too late that they only stayed connected because she saw me as beneath her and it made her feel good about herself. It’s really weird because we’ve shared some deep secrets too?? I was always there for her difficult times, but when it was mine, she’d barely care.
I gave her a lot of chances too because I stupidly thought she was just going through a hard time. But after awhile, it was clear she wasn’t interested in the ‘friendship’ anymore because my life was making her feel bad.
[removed]
I walk away. There’s nothing to handle. It’s a friendship, not a hostage situation. People are free to act as they please, and I’m free to grant or deny access. The age of the relationship doesn’t matter. People don’t get to treat you like shit because you’ve known them longer, lol.
It’s not a question of “how do you handle one-sided friendships”, it is a question of, “why are you wasting your time with one-sided friendships”?
I pay attention to patterns and how the person has made me feel overall. If it’s been going on for awhile and the negative feelings they bring me outweigh the positive, that’s when I walk away.
I don’t. My friendships are effortless and vibrant. If they’re not then I don’t consider it a friendship, I consider them an acquaintance
last time it happened i left
As long you’re feeling it , it’s true. Leave
I slowly disengage. Usually the person fades out of my life. Though i do have someone who i literally know expects an exit interview with friendships (shes talked about it often enough) that im just. Hoping she forgets about me one day instead of what will be a very painful conversation for both of us.
When I was younger, I would keep going and going and wonder how I could make it better. Now I usually just let things drift off into oblivion, lol.
To be honest, i test it.
I stop starting conversations via textmessages. Do I get texts from that person?
I stop suggesting to meet. Am I asked to go out?
I had another situation, where the person did not fail these test, but I tried something different.
I am waiting for them to ask about me during the meetin (about my day, my life etc). Do we end up never talking about me and only them?
So to sum it up, i am not taking initiative. I watch if they do. I think it is important to test because in my cases I was right, but sometimes, when your life is messy you feel like it is one-sided even though it is not.
I stop putting in effort. Match their energy.
Then go find something else to entertain myself.
Is it one sided in one area, but not others? Or multiple areas? We all have our different strengths and weaknesses.
A common example I see talked about on Reddit is initiating hangouts, get togethers, or conversations. Some folks feel under valued when they feel like they’re the ones initiating interactions more frequently than their friend. But some people are better about initiating than others, and I wouldn’t be so quick to believe it’s simply because they don’t really value me. I’d look at other behaviors. When we do get together, are they interested and listening when I share about myself or my life? Do they ask about me, or encourage me to share about what I’m interested in/talking about? Do conversations feel equal (save for the times a friend truly does need to share about something that requires more attention on them, but they reciprocate when you need support as well)? Relationships ebb and flow, and life has hard times and good times. Do you feel valued in other areas or at other times? The few friends I have, I’ve had for many years. There have been times where I have initiated things more often, supported more, etc. and there have been times they’ve made more “effort” than me. I don’t think any of us feel we do/don’t value each other based on that. We all are just going through life’s ups and downs at various times.
It’s harder to gauge that in newer friendships because you have less behavior and interactions to go off of, but I’d be open to the possibility that they’re maybe just weaker in one area or another. You can also communicate that you’d like to share or get support from them. They may be unaware of their behavior or your needs. I’ve directly asked for support from a friend before, and it brought us closer together, and she followed up afterwards. If I had been quicker to walk away, I would have missed the opportunity to foster our relationship. Sometimes we all just need gentle reminders or communication about what we need.
I treat them the way I feel like they’re treating me. I also evaluate what I like in a friendship, I also practice what I preach in a friendship so if I feel like I’m giving too much then I pull back. If they’re not keeping in contact or showing up for me then I will not do that for them. Knowing that I’m usually the one to reach out, plan to get together etc aka actually putting effort and they just show up, if I pull away and they don’t reciprocate (most of them don’t) then I’ll never disturb them again.
If the question remotely even arises, then the mind already knows what the heart doesn’t want to acknowledge.
You distance yourself.
If you gotta ask I’m pretty sure you know the answer
If I really value the friendship, then I’ll ask why she doesn’t reach out, etc. If I don’t, I just walk away.
It’s important to me that friendships are balanced in terms of effort of reaching out and support provided
My love language is quality time
In terms of my friendships I tend to do well with people who are the same in terms of love language or know how to accommodate mine
I’m a huge extrovert but am more on the quieter side so introverts also do very well with me
As we grow with age and considering the state of the world we live in, I find that shared values become more and more important to me. I can listen to other POVs but won’t accept intolerance and bigotry (or racism, homophobia etc)
My advice is : if there’s something bothering you try to address it directly with the person
Friendships ending can hurt just as much as romantic breakups.
Stop pouring yourself empty for someone who wouldn’t even spare you a sip
[removed]