Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and a half. Our relationship is amazing, of course we have some things we need to work on like every couple, but we have a great relationship. I am a transgender man (he/him) who still has my original genitalia and I’m keeping it that way and he is a cisgender man.
The problem I’m here about is that he can’t make me finish/orgasm. I love him so much and he’s the most attractive man to me. I don’t understand what my body’s problem is. We’ve been having sex for a little over a year now and it is good but I can’t finish, and he sometimes has trouble finishing due to getting stuck in his own head and occasionally thinking about his own past sexual traumas.
I also have sexual trauma from several instances but the most relevant one being my last relationship. I was in an almost 4 year long abusive teenage relationship that officially ended almost 3 years ago. The sex in that relationship wasn’t great, my ex only cared about fulfilling his own needs, he didn’t need consent, he was way too rough, would just leave me there and ignore me afterwards, etc. (Also, I’ve never finished in that relationship either.)
Sex with my boyfriend isn’t like that at all. He’s so sweet and kind and gentle (when I want him to be) and sex with him is so loving and he makes me feel good, but he can’t make me finish. He’s used his fingers, his mouth, and we even bought a vibrator recently. I can’t finish when he’s touching me (even though it feels really good). I can finish easily by myself when I masturbate, I don’t have a problem with it. I do use porn when I masturbate so that may be a problem, but I’ve always used it for the long time that I have been masturbating and I don’t think I know how to get myself going without it. I’m going to go a week without touching myself and try to without watching anything and see how that goes, but I don’t know.
He gets really sad and feels terrible that he can’t make me finish. I’m also struggling with this of course, I don’t want to have to resort to masturbating because he can’t make me finish, and I don’t want him to feel this way.
I don’t know what to do.
TL;DR: My boyfriend can’t make me orgasm but I can orgasm when I masturbate. He’s tried fingers, mouth, vibrator. He feels terrible and gets really down about himself that he can’t make me finish. I don’t know what to do.