Me and my bf of 2 and a half years have been having massive issues regarding sex.
Unfortunately we have always had these problems to some extent but its been really bad recently. For context my bf has a hugh sex drive while I have a much lower sex drive. I have always experienced pain during sex due to massive scarring and have tried so many things to fix it(ex: dilator therapy, different lubes and oils, disensitization).
Recently, this last May I was prescribed Lidodan Lidocain ointment and that does the best out if any fix so far. It's not perfect but it keeps sex from being overly painful.
Around February we moved in together and our sex life took a massive hit. We went from having sex 1-2 times a week to maybe once a month. We have talked a few times about it but its become such a massive form of anxiety for me for some reason and I find myself avoiding sex and conversations about it all together.
We're not exactly well off so we cant go on dates and have gradually stopped doing things together since he works night shifts and we only have a short period where we're both awake.
He also has hit a point where hes said trying to initiate doesnt feel worth it and masturbating is just easier, not to mention he feels unwanted and unloved due to this. Its been 2 months of no sex now.
I feel emotionally detached and with that goes my sex drive, when we had finally just found a fix to our previous issue regarding sex. We don't want to break up but I don't know how to gain that connection back or feel sexual attraction to the point of wanting to have sex. Especially since he deserves it so much and does so much for me.
I have to talk to him again but im unsure how to make sex no longer a form of anxiety for me without playing the long game because its already been too long.
If you have any advice please feel free to share id appreciate it.