I always hear “you need to be exciting and funny and not too forward but kinda forward like flirty but dancing in between”. This is not me, I am disciplined I find that life is overwhelming and I try to bring control to it so if I meet someone I care about and want a relationship with them I am just going to tell them and hope the reciprocate and if they don’t then they don’t. I don’t like this game of chess in texting and implying the idea of a date. I remember when I first got a girls number, my friends told me to wait a few days I said I would call tomorrow instead, they told me she would think I am desperate, bureaucracy and politics in dating isn’t it crazy. People tell me “I need a hook or an edge to pull them in” I am who I am I like to read, orchestral music. I like to think I dress well and take care of myself hygienically. I don’t see anything wrong with this why should I change this? I think the idea of love and connection is incredible and amazing and the idea of meeting someone and learning who they are and all their hobbies and interests would be wonderful but I don’t think I will get that. I think dating and love is for normal people.
18 comments
You don’t need to play games to find a girl, don’t listen to your friends about coming off as creepy or desperate.
If the girl was mature she wouldn’t care.
Who gave you permission to be this relatable?
You’re almost there. Dating is whatever you want it to be like. As long as you still believe the idea of love and connection is beautiful and the prospect of meeting someone and learning all about them is wonderful then I’m positive you will get that with the right person. Unfortunately we live in a world where people are weary of the intentions of others which in turn makes them overly cautious. Some people have been hurt in the past, lied or had their trust broken. That’s not your fault, but being overly forward can scare people away or make them want to back off. You don’t need a hook or an edge to pull someone in. You just need to be yourself. Dating and love isn’t only for normal people. You deserve to date and also fall in love and I hope you come across the right person so you can experience that
Well, is your current strategy working?
Keep doing what you are doing because it is authentic to you and the kind of person who appreciates you will appreciate your clear open approach.
I’m always really clear and direct (autistic as well) and it works fine for me. I don’t play games. People actually appreciate the clarity and honesty.
Bro are you me? I’m as straight forward as pretty much possible, sure a bit slower on the uptake but that’s about it.
You’re right, I’m also trying to be self-disciplined before i jump right into a relationship. You will find someone who has the same values like you!
It ain’t that deep though. I’ve learned over the last 2 years of consistently dating to just get good at being myself as early on as possible.
Youre going to be appealing to your wife when you meet her. As long as you don’t fake anything or try super hard to do anything, and you’re just being yourself, you’re not gonna miss your future mate by meeting people.
Nothing wrong with being yourself. Horses for courses.
Dating is only as hard as you want it to be. It’s easy to get in your head about it for both men and women. The real flex is to tell those negative voices in your head to kindly get fucked, and embrace the unknown of a new experience.
Just keep doing your thing, if you change and adapt to standard dating practices you might get something standard. And that doesn’t seem like something you would like. Sure you might not have quantity in dating, but in the end it’s all about getting the match FOR YOU.
This is so relatable. I don’t wanna do the whole game. I don’t want to count how many minutes I need to wait to reply or I might look to clingy, I don’t wanna act and pretend like I don’t care. If I like someone, I care and I want to show that I care. I hate these damn games. At this point I’m convinced that my soulmate will fall from the sky in front of me and that’ll be it.
nah dude you’re not broken for hating the “dating games.” that fake push-pull crap is exhausting. honestly, being upfront about who you are and what you want is way more refreshing than trying to act like some flirty puzzle. the right person’s gonna vibe with that energy way harder than with the games 🤘
nah dude, dating “rules” are fake as hell. if you like someone just say it, no need to play chess moves over texts. the right person’s gonna vibe with your honesty way more than some forced “flirty but not too flirty” act 💀
I think a lot of people confuse dating and hooking up. The advice you have been given is good if you are just looking for a few dates and possible bang. But if you are looking to be intentional and looking for a long term partner, it doesn’t work. At some point, you have to be yourself and you can’t build a foundation on a gimmick.
The problem is that you take advice from any random person. I’m no coach or anything but a very average man and yet dated very easily. I’m an nerdy introvert who would rather read a book at home than go out most of the time. Back when I was dating 99% of my outings were for dates lol. I worked at home and ordered a lot of stuff.
IMO it’s not that big of a deal for intelligent people. You need critical thinking, introspection and being honest with yourself. Add a bit of effort to all that and you’re golden. And seduction is not really that abstract either. At some point I just kept repeating the same steps and it worked with every date. It’s just a controlled escalation of flirting.
Women love straightforward and reliable men. Stop with the immature bs. Your friends telling you to wait for the next full moon to text a woman? They’re probably not doing that well. I told women I was enjoying myself while still being on the date. I texted them I had a great date. I asked them out for more usually within 24 hours of the end. Sometimes we’d have the 2nd date 10 hours after the first one ended. I had first dates that lasted from Friday night until Saturday afternoon and we were back together for dinner. When you have a match it’s because they find you a minimum attractive. They wouldn’t be going on a date with you if there wasn’t the possibility of more. More can be as little as a 2nd date or a kiss or as much as sex or lifelong partnership. It’s up to you to make them feel comfortable with any of that. They most likely spent a bit of time getting ready, hopefully being attractive to your eyes. Make them feel desired while showing good manners. Whenever there was a lull in conversation I took the opportunity to compliment them after some time. Like their beauty distracted me. It avoids the awkwardness of the silence and they appreciated the compliment.
Your dating phase is what you make of it. Mine was very fun.
Yeah, I can see how subs like these can really justify/validate a person not liking the reality or even idea of people.
Every post ya read, the one consistent takeaway is “I fucking hate people.”
Then stay inside on your computer forever and stop complaining!
My guy friends suggest me the same. ‘Don’t text immediately, don’t text too many words, don’t do this, don’t do that.’ But hey, i like this guy, I feel like just talking to him being my genuine self. I am not even overly excited or clingy, or invading boundaries. I just wanna be me. But to be honest I have hardly found dates that do not play games and are direct and authentic. It sucks out there!