I (27F) work at a small, super chill tech startup. There’s no HR, and it honestly doesn’t even feel like a traditional workplace most of the time. The vibe is laid-back, but one thing I’ve noticed is that some sexist and racist jokes do come up now and then. The guys aren’t bad people, but these types of jokes are part of the atmosphere. There are only two other women in the company (besides me), and we’re outnumbered by about 8 guys. Four of the guys are brothers, and it’s a family-run business.
I’m Colombian, and while I can tolerate these kinds of jokes at work (since I’m just there to get my job done), I wouldn’t feel comfortable with them in a relationship.
Mark (30M) is someone I’ve developed feelings for. He works closest with me, and he even drops me home from work most days. He’s really funny and doesn’t make the jokes as often as some of the others, but he still participates in them sometimes. I think I might be in love with him, but I’m not sure I could date him unless the humor shifts a little bit.
Maybe his sense of humor is shaped by the work culture, and if he and I started dating, he'd naturally tone things down. But I’m also wondering if it’s something I should bring up directly with him before I ask him out.
I don’t want to come off as a killjoy, and I’m not offended by the jokes at work, but I feel like it’s something I need to address if a relationship is on the table.
TL;DR: I like a guy I work with (Mark, 30M), who works closely with me and gives me rides home. He sometimes makes sexist and racist jokes. I’m okay with it at work, but I wouldn’t want it in a relationship. Should I ask him to tone down the jokes before I ask him out, or will it make things weird at work