I’ve been in love with someone for 3 years. I fell for him on our first date. We dated for 3 months but things didn’t work out and he left. He was my second relationship. We shared a lot when we dated and made plans for marriage so I was crushed when he finally blocked me and pleaded that I leave him alone.
It took me a year but I got over it. I started dating again. I still had feelings for him but I allowed myself to forget. I dated some other men but unfortunately things didn’t work out.
One day, he reaches out to me asking to be friends. We start talking again and it feels like he never left. We talk every other day and start meeting every weekend. The feelings are still there and I tell him and he says he’d marry me. That’s when I knew something was off.
I asked if we could start as friends and take things slow. We still hung out but we weren’t dating so when he flirted with me or got too close I was uncomfortable. He took it badly and said it’s too hard to be friends. I had a meltdown and it was over after that. We spoke about a month later but went no contact.
I dated other people. I reached out a few months later and the same pattern started. Phone calls for hours. We didn’t meet up though. Then we agreed to stop talking as we were growing codependent.
I reached out again a couple months later. We were very civil. I thought maybe I could be friends with this person. Then suddenly we started flirting and I felt uncomfortable. I told him we can’t do this. It’s not healthy. I told him that I still do have feelings for him but really want to be friends. He doesn’t have feelings for me. He’s attracted to me. He likes talking to me. But that’s it.
So I gave him the ultimatum. I said either we date or we be friends. No more gray area. I told him we tried dating and it didn’t work out so friends are fine. Feelings don’t need to be acted on.
He never replied. So yeah. I do still love him. I wish I didn’t. I know he’s not good for me because he doesn’t care about me enough to respect boundaries. He knows I still love him after all these years. He’s avoidant. I’m anxious type. He can’t deal with girls like me.
He’s probably just keeping me around as a backup plan. He will be 30 soon and if he doesn’t find anyone else, he’ll def come after me again. I want to block him to protect myself but I’m weak. I still love him and it’s hard.
2 comments
I’m so sorry girl. Being in love really sucks sometimes. I was in a similar situation, went on for about a year. He kept reaching out to me, knowing he didn’t want to date me. I ended up having to block him because I knew he wouldn’t leave me alone. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do because I loved that man. But the truth is, you just have to learn to put yourself first. You have to learn to love and value yourself and realize that the right man will be certain about you. There will be no games, no confusion, no uncertainty. Just love. Block him. Focus on yourself. The feelings will fade over time. I still think about that man every day even though it’s been almost 4 months since we talked, but I’m sure that’ll stop eventually too. Love hurts and is hard but once you turn it in on yourself, it’ll be easier to not put yourself in situations like that again. Best of luck
That’s really tough, but you’re right, love alone isn’t enough if your boundaries aren’t respected. Sometimes letting go is the bravest thing we can do for ourselves. It’s better to find someone who’ll run with you in life, not just in circles. Stay strong, you truly deserve better.