Ok so we’re both in our 30s and we’ve been dating for around four months now. From the start of us dating we’ve agreed that we were going to take things slow in all regards to dating. We’re an official couple now and we will be going out of town soon, and this will be our first time spending the night together. We have not done anything yet beyond hugging and kissing.
Since this will be our first night together, I know that there could possibly be the thought that some kind of increased intimacy or sex could be on the table. And for the record I have not gotten any indications from her that she’s even wanting to have sex during this trip.
Sex is something that causes me a considerable amount of anxiety. I have not had good experiences in the past. Nothing terrible at all really in the grand scheme of things, but it has still really affected me negatively. I know that I’ll need to have a super awkward conversation with her at some point, because if she accidentally says something similar to what past partners have said to me, it’s going to really fuck with my head and I don’t know how I’d recover.
We’re both self described overthinkers, so on one hand I feel like saying upfront we’re not gonna have sex on this trip could be a reassurance for her, especially since I don’t even know if that’s something she’s wanting to do yet. But on the other hand, I feel like it’s super awkward and out of the blue to be bringing this up right now, and I feel like I should just suck it up and keep my mouth shut. But I just worry if I don’t say anything and things start happening and I get caught up in the heat of the moment and then she says the wrong thing and then I’m just devastated.
This is something that really causes me a lot of stress and anxiety. I didn’t date for almost two years after my last relationship specifically because I felt so broken and that I’d never be good enough for a relationship because of this stuff.