TLDR – Been single my whole life and struggle with dating. I wish I could know what it feels like to have a woman to connect with.
Today is my 34th birthday. While I have so much to be grateful for and be excited about with another year, I just feel…alone. It dawned on me that I'm 34 years old and I've never had a girlfriend before; haven't even been able to go on a first date in basically 3 years. Actually I just found out the last woman I did go on a date with just got married; that's how long its been. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine just trying to get past step 1 would ever be this hard. I've enjoyed my time being single though. I actually love my alone time and the solid friendships I've made over the years. I just wish I could now know what it's like to be on the other side of the coin for once.
I'm not really looking for advice because I know strangers on reddit can't help me, I'm mostly venting. It just sucks knowing you've already kinda followed every piece of advice people usually tell men to follow to be more successful in the dating world, yet you still can't see a glimmer of success:
Get into the best shape your life, ✅. Become financially stable, ✅. Learn to be confident and have a fun genuine personality, ✅. Wear nice cologne and find nice fitting clothes that work for you, ✅. Put yourself out there and create a good social circle of both men and women friends, ✅. Just live your life, be your authentic self and become what you want to attract, ✅✅✅.
Alas, I still struggle to get any interest from women…it's just never mutual regardless if it's in person or dating apps; hell I don't even get matches on apps anymore. Its been a barren wasteland on those things ever since I turned 30.
Friends, family and even strangers I meet every day all tell me I'm personable, funny and just a solid dude. Even a random customer at work I was helping the other day said, "how the hell is a handsome guy like you single? Let me call my granddaughter" 😭
I love to cook, be outdoors hiking or paddle boarding, go dancing, I'm family-oriented and wanna be a dad someday, I'm generous, have cats, love to try new things, hit the gym, and a low-key nerd; basically a jack of all trades. Most important of all I'm emotionally intelligent and know what I want out of life and a partner.
I've tried bars, clubs, board game nights, rock climbing gyms, parks/museums, singles mixers, asking friends to set me up, cold approaching, joining hobby and meetup groups etc etc…and not a single solitary "sure that sounds great, here's my number." That or I get the classic I have a boyfriend. Even going to church is a dead end since it's just younger kids or married folks. I legitimately have never been on a date with a woman whom I've met in real life before. I've even done some light traveling to Canada, Hawaii, Texas, Cali and Chicago to name a few for leizure.
Despite leaning on the more introverted side, I truly feel like I've made an honest effort to become a desirable man, socialize more and put myself out there. In fact I just went to another singles mixer this weekend and had a good time despite the age range leaning kinda older (it was mostly men). I'm not desperate or hyper focused on it, I just want to be a normal man and have a healthy dating life. I'm tired of being known as the "nice guy who's easy to talk to". I want to be called charming, sexy, lusted after and desired like everyone else does. I want to know what it's like to have woman put her head on my shoulder, feel safe and comfortable and enjoy my company.
Not trying to pretend to be perfect because I'm not. I definitely have flaws and lazy moments like everyone, but I know you don't have to be perfect or rich to date. I also know not every woman is going to be attracted to me, just like I'm not going to be attracted to every woman. But to have not met a single girl in 3 years whos mutually interested in me back for this long makes me feel like I'm cursed. I never get a wink a wave a smile, nothing. I've also never in my life had a woman make the first approach on me either, so definitely not waiting for that to magically happen. I could see if there was something horribley wrong with me, but it just makes me feel even worse knowing there isn't any real reason for my failures; I'm attractive, in shape and actually put in effort.
Part of this is my fault I guess. I became an introverted recluse all of my twenties due to bullying, so I wasted most of those years and got a late start. Didn't even have my first kiss until I was 27. I've come such a long way though and busted my ass not just for dating, but just to be happy with myself, and I truly am. Now that I'm in the prime of my life, I crave intimacy; someone to look forward to seeing at the end of the day. I wish I could just have a genuine hug more than anything.
I remain optimistic though that I might meet someone special who sees in me what I see in myself. I even have the word patience tattooed on my wrist for goodness sake; but how much longer do I have to wait for my turn? 😂
Anyways, I'm taking myself to PAX West. Today's the last day here in Seattle.
Cheers 🍻
(Queue Michael Bubble – 'Havent Met you Yet')