This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
This post will be moderated, so if you see something breaking the rules, please report it.
21 comments
Is it okay for me to text him and tell him that I miss him and had a known that was the last time I was going to see him? I would have held onto him a little longer.
Just started seeing someone new and his bday is in a couple weeks. It’s been moving pretty fast because our connection is strong but his bday lands around the 3 week point of dating. Guys, what are some gifts you would like early into dating? I know his fav sports teams but feel like that’s the easy way out and he already has so much stuff. I plan to take him to dinner and make his favorite dessert. He’s 32 for context.
I’m trying to be social and put myself out there again but I freeze up over and over again when it comes to approaching someone. I just cannot do it.
Late bloomer here – 32 M, never dated as an adult. For most of my adult life I kept to myself and didn’t have many friends, although that’s changed in the last couple years. A year ago I moved to a new city, came out of my shell, got pretty decent at talking with people and striking up conversations with strangers, and made some new friends. In some ways I still don’t feel like I’m “ready” to date, but that’s probably just the mental inertia of never having dated. And I’m sure I’ll feel ready once I put myself out there.
To paint a quick picture of myself: I’ve been told by I’m conventionally attractive and have a nice voice, but I’m pretty short for a guy (5’6″). I have a decent job and disposable income. Most of my friends are women.
Questions:
1. Where should I be looking to find a genuine relationship and not get my heart ripped out? I’ve heard dating apps are literal hell, but I’m thinking of trying my luck both irl and on the apps. Which apps are better and which should I avoid? What are some good places to meet single women? Currently I do stuff like bar trivia nights and rock climbing gym.
2. What’s the dating pool like for late 20s – early 30s? What should I be on the lookout for (red flags) and what’s normal for this age range? Dating women with kids: someone told me that this was a no-go for them because of the bond you form with the kid. If you end up loving the kid like your own and then you break up, it’s like losing a child too. Thoughts? I’m aware that I will encounter a fair number of single moms/divorcees with kids.
3. Should I mention my lack of dating experience?
The type of men I seem to always attract, as demonstrated by the last guy I had a date with:
““Dating isnt going well for me” meanwhile dude has cheated. Has had a history of toxic relationships. Weirdly obsessed with redheads. Breadcrumbs. Lives with his MOM at 40. Thinks he is a gift to any woman lucky enough to meet him”
Happy 34th birthday to me! 🎉🎈🎂
Here’s what the ladies in Seattle are swiping left and missing out on. 😂
https://imgur.com/a/3wUZ7DE
Also happy labor day everyone.
I have time traveled this week. Back in June I met two men: one who just wanted to hook up and another who wanted to date. My plan was to have a fun summer so I hooked up with hook up man one Friday night and went on a date with date man Saturday night. I figured if the date went well I’d tell hook up man goodbye and move forward with date man.
The date went well. No sex but that’s not a requirement for me. Afterward our conversation kind of fizzled and died within a week. I tried not to dwell on it and called hook up man.
Hook up man and I have had a lot of fun this summer but he started to pull away about a month ago and I haven’t heard from him even after I reached out a few times. Again, no dwelling. I went back to the apps.
Two days ago I got a message from date man with a decent excuse and we got to chatting again. We have a second date planned for this weekend.
Yesterday hook up man texts me out of the blue and wants to come over tonight? His excuse was not as good but my expectations for communication with him are far lower.
So here I am, back at the beginning of summer, trying to keep these two straight. Trying to sort out the conversation I’ll have to have with hook up man when date man wants to have sex (I have a one-at-a-time rule). I guess I got my fun summer? And I invented time travel!
I got a pizza and had a few beers yesterday and decided to read part of an old journal. I started to cry and then had to pass out to just forget it all. I was also too drunk to even stay up. Woke up at 10pm with the knowledge I had gone to bed probably around 5 or so.
I don’t feel like I’ve changed much over the years. I think I’ve always had depression but when my dad died in high school, it was like a slow trickle of isolation, self-sabotage, and loneliness.
It’s not riddled with messed up things but reading the raw sadness makes me not want to dive back into them even though they are laying right next to me.
I know I need to get back into therapy and figure out how to navigate my past and how to bring that up to a future partner but I also feel like there isn’t going to be a future partner.
Welp, I was supposed to go on a date last Sunday but she said she wasn’t feeling well. Rescheduled for today,, went to confirm yesterday if she’s still on for today and silence. Guess, I’ll do laundry and clean up the room.
A few matches that I had that were engaging with me went silent.
Its getting annoying.
It’s rough as a guy. It’s not like we get a lot of matches.
Quick question. It’s not considered ghosting if you go on a first date and neither text each other afterwards? It’s considered mutal. I went on a first date but neither one of us texted afterwards and I wasn’t interested in a 2nd date.
Also, went on a 2nd date with a girl but wasn’t interested so I didn’t text after and she never texted after eitherm
But I’m starting to wonder if it’s better to text and say thanks but not feeling it.
Want other people’s opinion.
I am frustrated about my wait to speed date but it is probably for the best. (New event is a couple of weeks off).
I have hardened my heart with my flaky ex and am not texting him. I haven’t blocked him but I won’t text first and I have decided we are done fake friends wise/further outings wise.
I’d been excited the past week or so, lining up three dates where I felt like each had a lot of potential. This was after a period of feeling like I just wasn’t meeting anyone on Hinge/Bumble that I was excited about or compatible with.
One person I just didn’t feel any strong feeling towards after a couple of dates. The second we had fantastic conversation and so many niche shared interests but got “no romantic connection” after the first date (fair, I didn’t feel it per se either, but I was more than willing to go on a second date because sometimes I feel like things can unfold slowly). The third we had three dates and I was very excited about them (had a lot of fun) and I got the same message after asking for another.
It’s probably honestly a healthy thing, but I haven’t been single this long since my early 20s, so my mind just gets worried I’ll never find a match again. In the past I’ve moved too fast and gotten into things which in retrospective weren’t great fits, so again this is probably a positive but I’m finding it hard to really frame it as such in my mind. For context I’ve been single since last fall other than a two month relationsh-ish (don’t know how else to describe it haha, we were “together” but didn’t really discuss or label it since we knew we were incompatible in the long term, just enjoyed our time together knowing it wouldn’t last, but it was what I needed after getting out of a long term relationship last year).
Thanks for listening, just feeling a little bummed and needed to vent. Also shout out to this community, it’s been helpful to read over the course of this year.
just got back from two back to back weddings. Met a guy at wedding #1 who I was very interested in but it was so hard to talk to him – he was kind of aloof and distant and avoiding a lot of the wedding stuff. One of those people who complains in front of me about being on Hinge and being single but then makes near zero effort to get to know me, a real live single woman who is interested in him. I feel regrets but given that he lives in another country and was not seeming all that interested I don’t know if it’s a good idea to try to reach out and pursue him – I’d love to just be in touch with him as a friend without the pressure of dating/pursuing him, since I feel like we could have a lot to talk about, but I didn’t get a sense he was particularly interested in being friends.
Being around family and speaking to my cousins gave me a lot to think about though – mainly making sense of how messed up my life feels but when I remember what I grew up with, some of it makes more sense.
Got a date today! A nice walk in the park. Hopefully it’ll be nice
this is a vent and rant
its so hard to date when struggling w mental health (been a long journey and i’ve accepted i’m a broken human in a loving way but its tuff)
i feel so confident throwing myself into the dating pool at first then the latter happens, my self worth always depreciates nd i think i may just have horrible taste in men that seem to only want me for my body ultimately and it makes me so sad.
i tried dating women bt i feel horrible about it after cuz i’m not truly gay and just end up being a bi-sexual fck grl…. it makes me feel like i’m a terrible human
idk why i get attracted nd keep pursuing men that don’t actually want to love me and are just not interested in ones that seem to be more promising (idk if its cuz i’m just shallow or still working through attachment)
starting to think that romance is just something that can’t be granted or cut out for me
i like this guy a lot n been settling for cookie crumbs bt i knw i’m just crushing nd been idolizing him (i knw i knw i’m dumb) – its v obvious he just wants to have sex so i’m finally ready to let go n ghosting him
if theres woman out there that feel the same way i wna give you a big *virtual* hug
probly delete later out of embarrassment***
Getting hopeless. Last relationship ended a year and a half ago, been on lots of dates since and I have not found anyone interesting or fulfilling since that bf. I screen out all my nos with friends and therapist to make sure I’m not casually throwing potential.
There’s got to be someone, right?
Happy Labour Day to all my working class peeps. How does your job, wage labour, and the exigencies of capital factor in to your dating lives?
Two relationships post divorce. Two times I was the emotional support while the guys didn’t emotionally process their divorce. I felt secondary to everything (asking when they are free and seeing that they filled in their weeks with things because they forgot you), hurt (hearing they talk about how they miss their old life), like an asshole (for feeling that me asking for more was me making their pain about me) as an ungrateful idiot (because the guys are sweethearts, smart, funny, and if I could just “wait more maybe those promises will finally come”)…so many feelings.
But again I stupidly fall in love even though I do know that rationally it’s just a bad idea all around, although I do try to break it up. I go back, and sometimes kinda beg for attention because I am super super weak, an anxious mess and I hate losing people in my life. And everyone gets hurt all around in this.
This is a rant post. Dating whilst being a taller woman is ..*something.*
I’m not fussy when it comes to openers or anything. I appreciate being spoken to in a normal fashion. Y’know the “hey, how was your day?” I like genuine conversation but there’s an off-putting theme whenever I speak to someone shorter and they have to make it weird or sexual.
I was speaking to a man last week. We were discussing horror movies and cinema. We actually had quite a few interests in common, it looked promising. He had asked me on a date to go and get a drink together and I agreed. Then out of nowhere came a string of odd questions about my height. I will add, I state very clearly my height and it’s very obvious from my profile photos. He alluded to me lying and then asked, if I happened to be taller than I stated I was? I said no. I, then asked him about his height (as I noticed it wasn’t mentioned on his account) to which he dodged answering all those questions. He finally admits he’s 5’6/5’7 and responds with “ArE yOu GoInG tO ToWeR oVeR mE? 🤪” ..wtf kinda fetish. I told him he made me feel uncomfortable and unmatched. It’s always surprising how normal these conversations are in the beginning then spiral so quick lol
Vent about finding connections in general, not really dating. Over the last few years, I’ve made a decent attempt at doing things to make connections and it’s just not worth the effort and I don’t know if it ever was. This goes for friendships and dating. I’ve done tons of MeetUps and a handful of TimeLeft dinners. Everyone acts like it’s the best way to meet people in general on Reddit. My city it attracts a bunch of odd and outcasted people, which makes sense. Why would anyone that is truly socially accepted/wanted need to go to an event to meet people at the end of the day? I mean, I know why I’m there, because I’m technically an outcast too honestly but a gathering of social outcasts is just exhausting and that’s all they are in my opinion. I’ve met less than 5 people as surface level friends over the last few years from going out to events, which isn’t anything to complain about but I’ve decided to stop doing them because it’s just not worth the effort and never was and I would rather do other things alone honestly.
It’s just beyond frustrating going out and the conversations are always the same, jobs, travel, food, and pets, conversations I really don’t find enjoyable and it’s all anyone wants to talk about at any kind of event any more.
Well, it’s now the unofficial end of summer. The coming change in season is going to bring with it some challenges for me professionally, but I also need to come to a decision about my personal life, specifically regarding my work crush. It’s been several months now, and I’m realizing that by continuing to linger on her, I’m stuck in purgatory. It’s time I take action. So when I return to work this week, I’m going to continue to feel things out, and if I get the opportunity, I’m going to ask her if she’s like to grab a drink after work. We previously spoke about needing to catch up as she’d been away for several weeks, so I figure this would be how I’d go about it. If I get anything from her other than “yes”, I’ll know where she stands, I’ll finally get closure and I can move on. One way or another, this is going to come to its natural conclusion.