I can’t remember the last time my husband (together for 13 years) gave me a compliment or showed any kind of desire for me and it makes me feel miserable. I know it shouldn’t, I know I shouldn’t need external validation from anyone, but I feel lonely and rejected to be honest. Maybe that’s pathetic, I don’t know anymore.
I’ve talked to him about this, by ourselves and with a therapist. His response is that it’s my insecurities and therefore not really his problem, and that I should just know he’s attracted to me. But he really doesn’t show it at all. I’m nearly 41, we have 2 kids and I feel old. I know that I’m not unattractive, I still have a good figure and I look after myself, I have a good profession, but I don’t feel remotely desirable or wanted. He was diagnosed with ASD last year so I know that’s part of the reason he’s like this, but he used to be very complimentary towards me. He’s gone as far as setting reminders for himself, which I didn’t like to start with but then accepted that this is what his brain needs. The problem is that he ignores them. I’ve asked repeatedly for this to change, asked him to accept what my needs are but he just nods and nothing ever changes. I find myself pushing these needs down and ignoring them the best I can, but they always come back up to the surface. He doesn’t think it’s something I should need therefore doesn’t view it as important.
I know with certainty that he’s not cheating on me, he’s always home and there would be no time/chance for him to do that.
I don’t know what I’m asking for but I feel pretty hopeless and stuck. Maybe I just need a reality check and to not expect to feel loved/wanted. Is this what marriage turns into? I don’t want to feel like this anymore.